Podcast Episode 23: 2012 Pilot Rankings

In this week's episode we rank ten new network pilots for the fall 2012 season. Ranked shows include 
666 Park Avenue, Animal Practice, Ben & Kate, Go On, Guys with Kids, The Mindy Project, The Mob Doctor, Nashville, The New Normal, and Revolution.

We also discuss Gangnam Style mania, Stephen Colbert joining The Office, and how Les Misérables is going to do live action singing. We also talk about the Survivor: Philippines premiere and the Big Brother 14 finale.

To listen to the episode use the player below or download/listen to the episode on iTunes!

TV Review: Big Brother 14 Finale: On Bitter Juries & What Dan Should Have Said

ML- First off, congratulations to Ian Terry, winner of Big Brother 14 and the $500,000 prize! He won a bunch of competitions, made plenty of friends and gave the better jury speech, securing 6 of the 7 votes and going down in history as an extremely deserving winner.

Dan Gheesling, former BB10 winner and the only person to make Final 2 both times he played Big Brother, came up short. His ruthless, "blood up to his elbows" game pissed too many people off. Plus, he already had the money, and the jury wanted to reward a newbie super-fan with college loans to pay off over the slimy, cutthroat book-peddler who stabbed them all in the back.

All that being said, if I were in the jury, regardless of whether he betrayed me or not, I would have voted for Dan. I know, that's easy to say having not been betrayed by him, but his strategic game was absolutely amazing. To me, that's the measure of who deserves to win the game, not necessarily likability or challenge wins (though those things can only help).

I feel as though reality television has evolved a lot since its beginnings, when the likes of Richard Hatch and Dr. Will were rewarded for their strategic masterpieces. I no longer think that reality show juries vote for the most deserving to win the game. In this current reality landscape, everyone expects to become a star from their exposure, or at least get a spin-off/spot on The Amazing Race. As such, jurors are by definition those that cannot win and must choose the winner. By choosing the winner, they, vicariously, "win" if their pick wins. Thus, a bitter vote is a way of stealing someone's deserved win to heal your ego and be a part of the "winning" team and making the runner-up feel your same pain. It's petty and selfish, but it's been happening over and over again on Survivor and Big Brother in ways we never saw during early years.

Imagine you're playing poker with a group of people you've gotten to know at work. You see each other every day, you form opinions, you may gossip about each other and be planning to cut each others' throats (professionally speaking), but you all know each other and decided to play. Now let's say you bluff someone and take a ton of their money, knocking them out of the game. You lied to them, deceived them about your hand. Is it right for that person to hold a grudge against you for being a better poker player? To not invite you to the next poker game because of your lie? Most people, I assume, would say no, it's just a game.

Big Brother is just a game, too. It's a televised game with goofy competitions that you can play in your backyard, with people who may as well be coworkers- they're not necessarily friends or family, but they could be one day. And yes, people get their feelings hurt along the way, but only one person can win. Everyone lies to everyone at some point, and the people who lie the best make it far, and then they are punished for lying better than others.

Dan got a lot of grief for swearing on the bible and on his wife's name. Personally, I don't take offense to either of those things in the game setting. If he did so in the real world, then sure, that would be an asshole move if he swore on his wife's name then betrayed her. But if we're playing poker and the only way to get you to play the pot for $500,000 is to swear on my wife's name that I have a worse hand than you, then it turns out I was bluffing, the blame is on you. This is a game for big money, and anything you say should be suspect as a possible lie. Now, Dan is a religious, loving man, so people thought he was telling the truth. Boom, misted. I'll be interested to see if people in the future use the bible/swearing on names as a weapon, or avoid it based on the backlash.

Another reason why Dan lost was his status as a former winner. I think the trend is finally coming around for people to turn against returning players. They've seen Rachel and Rob win, Coach and Ozzy make the endgame. They've also seen the amount of screen time new players get compared to returning ones- barely any. Not only did he get the money already, he got the attention and the "fame". As we saw on Survivor this week, people are sick of the old timers stealing all their thunder.

The main problem I have with Dan was his jury speech. Not only was he obnoxious and sucking up, he failed to highlight the strongest aspects of his game, despite it being so obviously rehearsed. Ian spoke off the cuff, was natural, and played up Dan's betrayal to the jury just like J.T. did re: Stephen in Survivor: Tocantins.

If I were in Dan's position, here's what I would have said:

"When I entered this game I had to check many things at the door. I am a religious man in my real life, but that doesn't belong in a game where you must lie, cheat and backstab to win. I am a faithful husband, but I couldn't let my emotions control my actions. However, I knew that using these qualities would be a strategic way to earn trust. I talked it over with Chelsea before entering, and she agreed I had to do anything to win this game again.

The one huge part of who I am that I was able to bring into this game was my role as a coach. I entered as a coach to three contestants, just like the others, but by the end of the first eviction I was down to only one player left and in grave danger of going home without even getting the chance to fight for myself. At that point, it was me and my player, Danielle, against 10 other people across 3 teams. I went into survival mode, knowing I would do whatever it took to coach my team to the end.

And look what happened: the two of us made it to final 3 and just barely missed out on Final 2. Love or hate what I did in this game, you cannot deny that I was effective in enacting my plans. I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt along the way, but you can't bring your feelings into this game. You wouldn't hate someone for bluffing you out of your money in poker, would you?

In the end, this is just a game, like poker is a game. I hope you guys choose not to be sore losers and Bitter Betties, because you will regret it. If you're voting for the most deserving, I feel my strategic moves have earned that title."

Unfortunately, Dan settled for patronizing the jurors and ultimately alienating them. Ian was likable, and his win made me happy; as I imagined myself as a super fan in his position, beating one of the best players ever, I was finally satisfied.

I'd like to thank everyone who read my reviews this season for putting up with me and my blatant favoritism! In the end, it's just a game, and just as there are no rules about lying, there are no rules about voting. Ian earned his win fair and square, and I look forward to seeing him on the next All-Star season!

Episode Grade: A-
Season Grade: A- (Good strategy, casts, twists, Final 2.)
Season MVPs: Dan Gheesling & Ian Terry
Original Airdate: 09/19/2012

Big Brother 14: Blood Up to My Elbows

ML- The picture says it all: Dan Gheesling is a mastermind.

(I'm not even going to address the clip show episode tonight. All you need to know is Dan won endurance Part 1).

He has gotten himself into a situation where both remaining players want to bring him to the Final 2, guaranteeing him $50,000 and giving him a pretty great case to the half-a-million.

But will the "blood up to his elbows" blind the jurors from voting for Dan, who has played an amazing strategic game but failed to handle jury management? We got our first glimpse at the jury house last week, where we saw Britney battle Frank over Dan's gameplay. Frank thought Dan was playing dirty because he made a deal then went back on it, but Britney reminded him Frank did the same thing to her. What it all comes down to is that it is A GAME, and, as Boogie said, "this is the Big Brother house. You can bounce checks." Remember that, Frank? Chill out, bro.

How will the votes fall? I did a juror-by-juror recap at Final 5, but with more information, let's project how the votes fall.

Dan/Danielle:
Ashley: Dan?
Britney: Dan
Frank: Danielle (maybe Dan)
Joe: Dan
Jenn: Danielle
Shane: Danielle
Ian: Dan
Verdict: Most likely Danielle, unless Frank stops playing Susie High Horse and votes for Dan. I honestly think Frank will come around, as a fan of this game, and vote for Dan.

Dan/Ian:
Ashley: Ian
Britney: Ian
Frank: Ian
Joe: Ian
Jenn: Dan?
Shane: Ian
Danielle: Dan?
Verdict: Ian easily.

Danielle/Ian:
Ashley: Ian
Britney: Ian
Frank: Ian
Joe: Danielle
Jenn: Danielle
Shane: Danielle
Dan: Toss Up
Verdict: I think this all comes down to Dan. Will he vote for his player or for the better player? My guess is Danielle.

So everyone has a shot to win this! Can't wait to see the final HoH Wednesday night and to go to the finale party on Thursday! If anyone has questions for any of the Houseguests, be sure to post them in the comments and I will do my best to make sure they are asked!

Winner Pick: Dan
Episode Grade: C for the Clip Show, A for Shane's eviction.
Original Airdate: 9/16/2012 for the Clip Show, 9/13/2012 for Shane's eviction.

TV Review Catch-Up: Big Brother 14: Breaking Down the Final 5

ML- Frank was my Day 1 pick to win it all, a belief I strayed from only while Janelle reared her blonde head in the house. My last post was made after Janie's eviction, at which point I re-alligned with Frank and gave him my blessing to the end.

His elimination has inspired me to return to blogging and re-assess the game, which has changed drastically since the Final 12. I had the great fortune to attend the live Double Eviction and send my pick off in person (I'm the blonde in the light blue on the left of the above picture). I backed him throughout the season, through every nomination, every HoH, and now he's off to sequester with only Ted and some bad feelings.

I can't talk about the taping, but I did get to have a moment with Frank when I yelled "Preesh" (his favorite phrase) and he looked back and acknowledged me. I also got to see Joe walk out the door, and I tried my best to keep from rolling my eyes during his exit interview. Maybe you'll catch one if you look close enough!

So we're down to 5:

From Team Britney: Shane
From Team Dan: Coach Dan & Danielle
From Team Boogie: Ian & Jenn
Nobody from Team Janelle :(

It's amazing to see Dan's comeback thus far. They nearly got both him and Danielle out of the house Week 2. Now, he is living large and playing a big, bold, badass game that is going to leave many jurors bitter. His funeral was undoubtedly one of the game's greatest moments, and cemented his legacy as one of the BB legends. But who could Dan face-off with in the Final 2 and beat?

Definitely NOT Ian. Ian is loved by America and many of the jurors. He would eat Dan alive, but apparently he intends to go to the end with "the best", meaning Dan. And let's face it, any of the other three winning would be a massive disappointment to this season.

Shane has played a universally unremarkable endgame. Could that be a strategy? Doesn't make much sense when every HoH/PoV is crucial to you surviving the week. He is undoubtedly a nice guy, and his competition wins could gain him some swing votes if he makes the Final 2.

Danielle has played a good social game, and both she and Shane have been very loyal. Many criticize Danielle for being a pathological liar, which can only help you in the BB house! Upon his exit, Boogie predicted she would win, noting the amount of friends she may have on the jury. If Dan goes up against her in the Final 2, I'm not sure where the votes would go.

And then there's Jenn. Jenn City. I love how Jenn tries really hard in her confessionals to deceive us into thinking she's a legitimate player in this game. Her one move, winning the PoV and saving Dan, was a triumph for Dan, not Jenn. She's not necessarily unlikable, but has no business being victorious for anything she's done this summer.

While I think Ian will win this game, I really hope it's Dan. Sure, he's already won before and had a few weeks of safety. He, like Frank, has had to PLAY every week. He may not have shown it by strategizing with everyone, but the gears were always turning. I respect that game more than Ian's of being likable and cute and winning challenges. Ian winning would definitely make me happy, but Dan winning would make this whole season that much more of a success.

Let's look at possible F2 scenarios, shall we?

Dan/Ian: Ian would win (Frank, Ashley, Joe, Britney, maybe Shane)
Dan/Danielle: Close, my money is on Danielle (Shane, Frank and Ashley's votes locked up, maybe Brit)
Dan/Shane: Shane? (Danielle, Britney, Joe, Frank, Ashley are all likely.)
Dan/Jenn: Dan (Maybe Frank/Ash voting for Jenn, everyone in their right mind votes Dan)
Ian/Danielle: Probably Ian (Frank/Ash/Britney/Joe)
Ian/Shane: Probably Ian (Frank/Ash/Britney/Dan)
Ian/Jenn: Ian
Danielle/Shane: Maybe Danielle (Dan/Ian/Jenn), probably Shane (Frank/Ash/Joe/Britney)
Danielle/Jenn: Danielle
Shane/Jenn: Shane

So in terms of Most Likely to win, I see it as:
Ian wins 4/4 Final 2s
Shane wins 3/4
Danielle wins 2/4
Dan wins 1/4
Jenn wins 0/4

Things could change, obviously, like Frank/Ash not necessarily voting together, or more people respecting gameplay rather than holding grudges.

Will these predictions stand up? Find out in the coming weeks! I'll try to keep up with the blog at least once a week.

My Pick to Win It All: Ian
Double Eviction #2 Grade: A
Season Grade So Far: A-
Original Episode Airdate: 09/06/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x12: Nasty Southern Belles Go to Hell

ML- There's no point trying to even play like I'm unbiased when it comes to Big Brother. Nobody involved is- Grodner, the players, the fans. So I feel comfortable saying I'm pissed off at how this week's backdoor went down.

If you only watched the episode, it probably made sense. But if you were a live feed viewer, you saw a lot more information that paints the remaining houseguests in a different light.

Like Danielle. If I ever met her I would probably curse her out. She talked so much trash about Janelle this week with people who have talked even more trash about Danielle in the past. She, Britney and Wil are the cattiest of BB players and I can't wait for all of them to get their comeuppance. And, again, when they do and rejoin the Twitterverse, I will be sure to express my discontent with them.

Did Janelle make a blunder worthy of her certainly early eviction? Possibly. If you watch the live feeds, she didn't actually pause for so long and give no response after Boogie threw out the possibility of evicting Joe. She paused, then agreed to lose Joe. However, that would paint Boogie and Dan in a negative light, and the editors need to spin this as positively as possible against Janelle to keep the fans watching. And all I have to say is bullshit.

Many alliances were formed tonight, from the Quack Pack (Danielle/Dan/Britney/Shane/Ian) to the "Avengers"-like Silent Six (Danielle/Dan/Britney/Shane/Boogie/Frank). If you watch the feeds you know another alliance, TiTs, was formed, compsed of Wil/Ashley/Jenn/Joe. It's sad that at this point, with Janelle out of every alliance, my support doesn't go behind her players, but rather the ones who had to fight desperately to keep themselves in against her (read: Mike and Frank.)

I won't comment on the scripted DR session with Frank, Boogie and Ian. All I will say about Danielle is that she;s lucky she positioned herself into a showmance so that Grodner has a reason to portray her positively, because all of the bitter, bitchy, petty, literally CRAZY talk she's shown on the feeds has painted her in the exact opposite light. She doesn't understand how badly everyone, including Shane, has spoken of her in the past. 

I will praise Dan, Boogie and Frank, though. If Janelle can't make it to the end of this game and finally win, I hope one of these three deserving players will do so. Joe, Ashley, Wil and Jenn are four of the most worthless players to enter the house, Britney and Danielle are some of the most personally-affected people to play. Danielle ruined her HoH by adding an unneeded target on herself by saving the life of her main target, who was shown saying how little he thinks of her and will surely win and nominate her down the line, when Janelle had much bigger fish to fry. Danielle overcompensated this week, like she has done in her "relationship" attempts with Shane, in her attempts to feel important, powerful and gain acceptance. She may have done so temporarily with other players in the house, but I guarantee she will never be beloved like Janelle or Jordan, who I compared her to a few weeks ago.

We got to see a rehashed Veto of contestants trading prizes as they are eliminated. In the end, Shane got a veto ticket, Jenn a Maui vacation, Wil $5,000, Ian the life of a dog for 24 hours, Frank a Spirit-tard and Danielle the Veto. Thanks to some carftiness by Boogie and Frank, Danielle agreed to spare her target and nominate Janelle, only after Dan gave her the go-ahead when he felt she couldn't be trusted.

I fully expect Janelle to exit the house tomorrow night. It would be stupid for them to keep her around, obviously, and she has no real allies. Janie represented the pre-Grodner era where competitions could be won without any "help" and twists from America didn't come around at the most convenient times. That being said, Janelle had 3 surviving mentees that showed her no respect, perhaps because they didn't feel they got any from her. Personally, I think they were all ungrateful, Janellous bitches who will  get their asses handed to them by the majority alliance in the coming weeks.

So Viva la Silent Six, though it is no equal to the Sovereign Six of BB6 history (Janelle, Howie, Rachel, James, Sarah and Kaysar, for the forgetful ones out there). You've gotten rid of the biggest threat who had the least amount of allies and solidified yourselves as asses to the fans. Can't wait to see a 12th-place finisher win fan favorite over all of you.

Episode Grade: A- (Editing wise, well done for what they wanted to tell, not for what happened).

Episode MVP: Mike Boogie 

Original Airdate: 08/08/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x11: Bouncing Checks

ML- Boogie called it last week, as we were reminded at the end of the "Previously on Big Brother" segment- this is Big Brother, you can bounce checks. When the nominations were revealed, one person was upset his key wasn't pulled, and another was upset that his was. Pretty crazy result to one of the craziest twists in BB history.

The endurance challenge (which I live-updated in last Thursday's blog) was a doozy, as they contestants not only had to hold onto bars and stand on planks at an angle, but they had to do so with freezing cold water pouring down on them and seagull poop splattering on their faces.

Historically, women and smaller guys have faired better in this type of challenge, and that proved the same tonight. The order of dropping out went: Boogie (strategic to appear weak), Jenn (too cold for her Puerto Rican blood), Joe, Ashley, Dan (also to appear weak, which Wil didn't buy), Frank, Wil (who made a deal with Danielle for safety), Shane and Janelle. I was surprised Janie didn't hold out longer, but I guess the 8 years since her original season have taken their toll on her.

The last three standing were Britney, Danielle and Ian. Thanks to a coach session from Dan and Britney and Ian's willingness to jump for safety, Danielle outlasted the others, giving us our first female HoH of the summer. Not only did she get a hug from Dan, she also got a big kiss from Shane. Somebody is finally realizing how much it pays to be in a BB showmance.

The targets started popping up quickly, with Boogie, Frank and even Janelle's named being thrown around. Danielle thinks Janelle is threatened by her- I doubt that's true, I think Janelle just has a harder time pretending to like Danielle than the rest of the house (Britney included) who bashed her non-stop on the feeds a few weeks ago.

Boogie and Frank tried stirring things up after Dan, in the heat of the Reset button action, told them Frank was the target in order to gain some favor of Boogie's. This basically backfired, as Boogie didn't trust Dan for not telling him when it would have mattered. Though Britney and tried to deny it, Dan admits to them he messed up and told Boogie the plan.

Dan used his allegiance with Danielle to veer her off the path of nominating coaches and instead thought she should nominate Wil and Frank. She agreed, until Wil reminded her that she promised him he wouldn't go home this week.

So what was she to do? Stick with the plan and get Frank and Wil up? Or honor the deal and send Janelle or Boogie up instead? She bounced her check and nominated Wil as a pawn against Frank, who has narrowly escaped too many evictions this summer already. Can he do it again?

Boogie, meanwhile, was insulted that she didn't nominate him when she had the chance. Don't get too cocky, buddy, there's still a veto to be played for!

If you want to know the veto competition results, keep reading below! If not, go check out some of our other articles.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Danielle Murphree
Original Airdate: 8/5/2012





LIVE FEED SPOILERS
The Veto was the yankee swap one done in seasons past, where whoever places higher in a competition can open a box and either keep the prize or trade it for an opened prize.
The prizes went as follows:
Frank got stuck in a "Spirit-tard", a unitard with pom-poms. He hates wearing it and has been lax keeping it on. Could he get a penalty vote?
Wil got $5,000 cash
Jenn got a vacation, which Ian traded away
Ian got a punishment of being dressed like a dog for 24 hours. He has to sleep in a doghouse and have someone holding his leash if he ever goes anywhere.
Shane got a Veto pass, allowing him to play in a future veto
Danielle got the Veto this week

There has been much discussion of backdooring Janelle. Danielle hates her, Brit is sick of her, Boogie and Frank are all for it. However, Dan is still adamant about keeping the target off of the coaches, so as of right now, the veto probably won't be used and Frank will go home. The veto ceremony is tomorrow so things can still change by then!

TV Review: Big Brother 14x10: Tears of Ploy

ML- I didn't expect to be shocked by the decision tonight, but boy, am I surprised.

It all started off with Shane making either the biggest or the stupidest move of the game in nominating Frank. Britney said it was the only move that would keep Frank from winning the half-a-million bucks. It was smart of him, no doubt, and he was even smarter to play it as if he had no intention of eliminating Frank.

Boogie had a great line after Ian justified not committing to Britney- "This is Big Brother. You can bounce checks." Actually, all the coaches (minus Britney, who barely counted in the first place) had some good advice to future Big Brother contestants everywhere- don't let your emotions get in the way of your game.

Janelle was shown to be an amazing gamebot, never sad, never happy, always in game mode. She shed that to deal with the Wil situation- as she gave him some advice for the endurance competition, Wil took it as her condescending him. Basically, he came off as totally bitchy and ungrateful for her giving him safety this week. She should have traded him to Dan and been done with it.

Wil talked to Joe who talked to Ashley who talked to Janelle who talked to Wil about it, and cried some fake tears to get Wil to trust her again. He followed suit, calling her bluff but telling the camera he still didn't trust her. She's going to have to watch her back if she wants to make it by unscathed.

Dan, too, told his player Danielle to be cutthroat and leave all things Shane out of the picture. I don't think she's going to be able to do that, which makes it good for Dan that this twist came about when it did. I also have to applaud Dan for lying so low in the grass these past few weeks. There truly are some great, diversified players among the coaches.

The segment spent on Frank's daddy issues with who appeared to be Mickey Rourke's inspiration for The Ram in The Wrestler didn't offer much insight, but set the stage for a Celebrity Big Brother if they ever come calling. Imagine the fight between Sid Vicious and Russell Hantz? Ratings gold.

Finally, twist time. We all knew "America" would be inviting the coaches to enter the game, and obviously at least one of them would press the "Reset" button. But the rest of the ramifications came out like a ton of bricks. If nobody pressed reset, some sequestered houseguests would be given the opportunity to return to the game. If anybody did, there would be no vote, and Joe, Frank, Shane, all the coaches and the rest of the bunch could play in the endurance HoH.

America was in. Britney was in. Dan and Janie were in. It didn't matter that Boogie passed it up, he knew at least one of the others would subscribe. And just like that, Frank was spared another week.

Now we're left with 12 players in the beginning of Week 4, and I couldn't be more excited. All the coaches are in it to win it, as are Frank, Shane and Ian. Wil has potential, but after his diva-like antics tonight, he's not making any friends. Danielle is trying, but she can only pull a Jordan-like win, and she's nowhere near as likable as Jordan. Jenn is a non-entity.

Was this whole coach scenario an excuse to give some of the favorites a few weeks of safety before entering the house? Absolutely. Do I care? Not one bit. It turned the game way more strategic, and will make things even more complicated now that coaches and players are all in the same league. I can't wait to see how it all plays out!

Winner Prediction: Janelle (she's got a huge target, but if anyone can overcome it, it's my Jedi Janie)
Next Evicted Prediction: Mike Boogie

I'll update the Live Feed section for a little while longer tonight then post the endurance winner tomorrow. As of 11:30, only three people have dropped off. This could be a long night, folks.

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina
Original Airdate: 08/02/2012


LIVE FEED SPOILERS



By 11:00 PM, Jenn, Boogie and Joe were all out of the competition. Everyone else is still hanging in there. I'll update until I fall asleep!
11:42PM Ashley falls out
11:44PM Dan gives up and leaps off
12:07AM Frank falls off after much struggling
12:36AM Shane and Wil jump off together. How cute.
12:40AM Janelle is out
1:08AM Ian drops, guaranteed safety from Danielle and Brit
1:09AM Britney drops, guaranteed safety from Danielle
HOH GOES TO DANIELLE

TV Review: Big Brother 14x09: Keep Calm and Kiss Ass

ML- Britney and Shane mocked Janelle's players and couldn't wait to kick one of them out of the house. By the end of the episode, it seems as though all of them will survive into next week. How'd they manage to pull that one off?

Much of their success can be attributed to Ian, whose inability to commit to saving Shane next week sent Britney into a frenzy and turned the target back onto Frank. But Janie and Joe did their own share of the work, the former offering her wedding ring and Chanel earrings as collateral, the latter making weird metaphors to rock climbers and the president.

Joe was not happy to be up basically only because he's Janelle's player, though his personality obviously didn't help his case. Janelle wouldn't let her people freak out, nor would she let them give Shane or Britney an ounce of breathing room during the week. Ass kissing, though embarrassing, is a good strategy in Big Brother. Wil claimed he doesn't want to be known as an ass kisser, and there is absolutely no joke to be made there. Joe tried his best, but obviously, gentle tones and smooth deliveries are not his strong suits.

The Veto was similar to one in BB13, except this time instead of Greek gods and goddesses, the contestants were dressed in clown suits. They had to run to keep two balls off the ground as they rolled  up slanted paths. Once you dropped a ball, you were out.

The competition went pretty quickly tonight, as Wil, Joe, Frank and Danielle fell out, leaving only Shane and Ashley. Shane defeated the klutzy Ashley to score his third straight veto, probably sending past all-time veto champs Janelle and James Rhine into panic mode. Is he the Michael Phelps of Vetoes?

It was then do or die time for Joe and Team Janelle, as they made as many offers as possible to get Boogie and his people out of the house. I've got to hand it to Janelle, she really does hustle to get her way in the house. Along with Ian's slip up, Shane and Brit decided to explain the backdoor to Frank in a way he might not expect to go home. It didn't work 100% as planned, but at least there wasn't a big blow-up- yet.

Britney likened Boogie and Frank to a dragon and its head- are we getting some more Survivor cross-over here with Coach? Is this all one big elaborate ploy to get Big Brother fans used to hearing "coach" and "dragon" so next season they can do a BB/Survivor mash-up? I'd truly dig that.

Tomorrow night we'll see if the coaches enter the game (they probably will) and who goes home, Frank or Joe (if they're smart it'll be Frank, but I can't stand listening to Joe's confessionals anymore). If Frank does go home, I'll be looking for a new Winner Pick. Leave me your suggestions in the comments below!

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina & Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 8/1/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x08: Janie Got Back

ML- It takes quick tongue work to survive each week in the BB house, and Janelle proved she had the right stuff, knocking the Coaches Competition out of the park and foiling Shane's plan of taking out her most threatening competitor, Wil. 

Shane struck back, though, by going against Britney and Danielle's wishes of spreading out the pain to one member of Janie's team and one of Boogie's, and instead he stuck both Joe and Ashley on the block, both members of Team Janelle.

Britney was drunk with power, and rightfully so, after he last man standing took the most powerful seat in the house. She watched as her protege formed a final 2 pact with Danielle of Dan's team. Little did she know, however, he was also plotting things with Frank over on Team Boogie. Shane isn't anchoring himself to Britney, a good decision on his part, but having her be so out of the loop doesn't bode well if she ever does enter the game.

When Joe cooked Shane breakfast in bed, I was praying he would go up on the block. It's a distinct advantage in shows like Survivor and Big Brother to be able to provide quality food to the other contestants, whether you're catching fish or cooking meals. But Joe crossed the suck-up line and, as Boogie said, entered into "patheticness" territory.

We also got to see Ashley at her finest- aka discussing her dream boards and how she's a modern day hippie, but it's weird because she likes rap. She's as complex as any Walter White or Don Draper, no doubt.

Not only does this show reuse challenges, twists and contestants, it also finds small moments to carry over from season to season. The one I noticed tonight was Jenn's discussion of her sexuality with Danielle, a southerner. They had a similar scene with LaWon and Jordan last year, and as I recently watched BB8 I noticed the same thing with Dustin and Kail. Look at BB, breaking down barriers one southern belle at a time.

The Coaches Challenge was tons of fun this week: Feel the Burn, where whoever did the most reps of a certain exercise in a given time while wearing ridiculous 80s workout costumes would win, while the losers could choose consolation prizes in their lockers.

First was a booty scoot that didn't flatter any of the contestants. Britney came in last and gave out have-not status to Ian (who volunteered again, all part of a strategy to accept as much punishment willingly so that he may avoid it later) and Joe.

Next was a hip-shakin challenge that Janie dominated, knocking Boogie out. He won $10,000 to divide between himself and 2 players in the ratios of 6:3:1. He took the largest chunk, and gave Ian and Jenn the rest, respectively. Ian cried, thinking $3,000 was more money than he'd ever seen.

Finally, the tongue trainer, which Janelle again took easily against Dan. Poor Dan got called Kermit Seacrest by Dr. Will last week and now got his kissing skills made fun of by Boogie. It wasn't all bad for him, as he got to invite 5 other houseguests to a cocktail party. He (wisely) chose the other coaches, Danielle and Shane. 

Janelle saved Wil, which, as I said above, forced him to nominate the rest of her team, but not before a last-minute talk with Britney got cut off by the calls to the DR, leading to some genuine drama in the house. I saw one former BB player tweet that this was designed to keep Britney from convincing Shane to put up Frank. If so, it worked.

Frank is sure he's safe with Shane- will that be the case, or is a backdoor in the works? We'll find out Wednesday night! Until then, enjoy your salmon and Froot Loops.

Episode Grade: B+

Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina

Original Airdate: 7/29/2012

SPOILERS AHEAD, READERS BEWARE!!

The Veto has been played, and it went to Shane, who is 3 for 3 in Veto competitions thus far. He used it, shockingly, to save Ashley and nominate Frank. As the votes stand right now, Wil/Ashley will vote for Frank to go, Jenn/Ian will vote for Joe, leaving Danielle as the deciding vote. Will she side with the showmance or take the game into her own hands? We'll find out Thursday, when the coaches are expected to be entering the game!

TV Review: Big Brother 14x06: Big Three Fall Hard

ML- It doesn't take long to go from hero to zero in the BB house, as Team Britney became well aware of this week. After losing Willie Hantz to his own self-destructive ego, and the subsequent HoH win by surviving nominee Frank, Shane, JoJo and Britney were right to be shaking in their giant tortilla costumes. But, as we saw last week, you're not out in Big Brother until you walk out that front door- and even then, sometimes you move back in.

It was clear who Frank would target, but the producers did their best to add some mystery by showing Boogie's scheme of backdooring Shane rather than putting him up upfront. That wasn't a bad plan, but had he been chosen for Veto and won and saved JoJo, Frank would be getting even more blood on his hands than was necessary this week.

JoJo pleaded her case as a loyal player, basically saying she was willing to abandon all of her previous alliances and join him. Swearing on her grandmother's life wasn't enough to convince Frank, who indeed nominated the remaining Team Brit members Shane and JoJo for eviction.

Britney did her best to coach them in the right direction, but I absolutely would not want to be in her position right now. Picking some of the stronger players totally backfired on her way too fast, and Willie quitting (and the producers not ending Frank's HoH reign right there, as they did to Michele when Chima quit in BB11, I believe) has screwed Shane and JoJo over even more. Sure, they should reintegrate, decrease game talk and be friendly, but in the end, the other contestants are going to do what's best for their games, not keep who they like better.

Boogie made another great suggestion to Frank this week: nurture relationships with Shane and JoJo. One of them at least will definitely be playing for next HoH, so you want to do as much damage control as possible. I think Frank and Boogie make a good team and really hope Frank can keep straight talking' his way through the game.

Danielle wanted to be chosen for PoV really badly, so of course the BB gods denied her and instead Ian, Ashley and Wil joined the others for a date at the Big Brother Cantina. The competition involved digging through thick, margarita-themed liquid for menu items to match them to a main menu, all while wearing a giant tortilla chip costume. Once you placed all of your menus in what you thought was the correct order, ring your bell to lock in your time. Whoever had the most right in the fastest time won the PoV.

The challenge made for entertaining TV, as Wil and Frank took plenty of tumbles and Ashley proved she's either dumber than the fish in the fish tank or working a smart strategic plan of playing dumb. Based on her challenge strategy (creating meaningless mnemonics of menu item first letters) and list of qualities in a good man ("likes to eat food" stood out for me), I'd say its the former.

In the end, Shane narrowly beat Ian in a real nail-biter, and Britney hugged him in the big vat of guacamole. He and Frank quickly solidified an alliance of sorts, a smart move for the short term to keep the power players off of each other's backs. He then planned to save Danielle from certain nomination by proposing to backdoor Wil and weaken Janie's team. Frank was hesitant, afraid to open that can of worms just yet.

Dan basically released Danielle from his coaching, as he saw his affiliation a kiss of death for Jodi and Kara before her. This reminded me of Eric and Pam on True Blood, except Pam is way cooler than Danielle, who cries way too much. This is actually smart for Dan- the weaker she appears, the more time she will spend in the house over the likes of JoJo, Shane, Frank, Wil, Joe and Ian. However, she's not making any friends by moping all the time.

At the Veto Ceremony, Shane did what he had to and saved himself, and Frank did what he had to and nominated Danielle. All of the three nominees were those who voted for him to leave, and therefore he made no new enemies by putting them up. He also secured a deal with Shane thanks to Boogie's nudging. I'd say his HoH week is going a lot smoother than Willie's.

Tomorrow night, either Team Britney will be down to one member or Dan will follow Danielle out of the house. And another HoH competition will shift things up once again (I hope, as this week has been too safe. Good gameplay, bad TV). 

Episode Grade: B-

Episode MVPs: Frank Eudy & Shane Meaney

Original Airdate: 7/25/2012

LIVE FEED SPOILERS AHEAD!

Nothing major to report after last week's craziness. It looks as though JoJo will be departing tomorrow night without putting up much of a fight, thanks to Britney coaching her to lay low. Ashley has made lots of alliances with lots of people and it seems like most of them trust her. Could backfire later, but for now she's in a good position. If Shane wins HoH he wants to target Wil and Joe from Team Janelle.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x05: U Can't Touch This (Or U'll Be Ejected)

Warning: The following article may contain plot spoilers. Reader discretion advised.


ML- I had such high hopes for Willie coming into this season of Big Brother. He seemed much calmer, cooler and more collected than his brother Russell, but in hindsight, that was only because he was given a position of power within the first 6 hours of his arrival. Once he did not get his way with the eviction, lost the HoH to his biggest enemy, was reduced to a Have-Not and shunned by his entire team, he self-destructed in classic Hantz fashion.

I missed the first 15 minutes of tonight's episode, but assume a lot of it was spent recapping the eviction and HoH and Willie's new position as a marked man. As smart as it was for Britney, Shane and JoJo to dissociate from Willie, I actually felt bad for him. The psychological pressures of the house must be insane, and to go from everyone wanting to talk to you when you're HoH and constantly kissing your ass to everyone hating your guts and avoiding you, you're bound to react with some hostility. By taking it to a place of violence, however, Willie crossed one of the sacred reality show lines.

While everyone was distancing themselves from Willie, new relationships began to emerge. We saw the Slop Date between Ian and Ashley, which he totally orchestrated because he knows CBS reality shows adore showmances. Ian doesn't seem to me like a threat in a social sense, but he is in the way he knows how to fit into what production wants. While he and Ashley did have some chemistry (though I'm not sure if it was organic or inorganic) the whole scenario felt forced to me.

Having watched many hours of live feeds, the package on Shane and Danielle felt forced as well. I try not to spoil in this section of the blog but it seems misleading for BB to present the relationship one way and know it isn't that way. Basically, Danielle is super into Shane, so much that she's basically admitted she came into the house to find a showmance (if things with Ashley don't pan out, Ian will probably be ready and willing to step in!), however, Shane really doesn't seem to have any interest in Danielle and has talked negatively about her on many occasions. He's using her as a pawn, not being charmed by her brown hair and southern accent.

Janie showed some emotion tonight too as Dan brought up how different it is playing when you have a family at home. Janelle has gotten a lot of flack for leaving her newborn baby behind, which is deserved, and her handling of the situation by saying things like "sometimes I have a little bit of a thought about my daughter" certainly doesn't put her in the running for Mother of the Year.

But she's not looking to be Mother of the Year, she's looking to be the Comp Queen, which she managed to get a step closer in accomplishing today by winning the Coaches Competition. The four coaches were dressed like '90s rapper M.C. Hammer and could only move left-right, Hammertime style. I must say, Dan had the best moves of all of the coaches, but since he was continuing his plot to throw every challenge and appear week, he didn't get to put those moves to the test.

Britney lead the challenge for a while, transferring more stacks of cash back and forth across the balance beam than any of her competitors. Unfortunately, one of the rules was if you drop any cash or fall off the balance beam, you're out. Britney knocked off some cash, ruining her plan to win and trade Willie away to get some heat off of her back.

Boogie, too, didn't properly adhere to the rules. He technically beat Janelle but stepped off before hitting his buzzer, disqualifying him. Janie "won" against two disqualified contestants and someone who was throwing the competition, but a win is a win is a win. She chose not to trade anyone and saved Ashley in an attempt to strengthen their bond. She also chose all of Team Britney- Willie, Shane and JoJo- to be have nots, along with volunteer Ian.

Fuming over his state in the game, Willie then lashed out. He head butted Joe and threw pork rinds at Janelle, neither of whom backed down or showed any fear. Production ordered Willie into the DR, and later the Voice of Grod (Alison Grodner, Big Brother EP) announced over the PA that violence would not be tolerated in the house and that Willie was ejected from the game.

This puts a huge dent in Britney's plans, as Frank is still HoH and will get to knock 2 members from her side out instead of just Willie. It also messes up production, I assume, as by the end of week 2 the house will be down 4 people. Will Coaches enter sooner rather than later? It's possible, as the eliminated house guests thus far haven't been sequestered and can't really re-enter the game.

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Ian (for manipulating production)
Original Airdate: 7/22/2012


LIVE FEED SPOILERS


Frank went ahead and nominated Shane and JoJo, but Shane won the Veto. Danielle is the expected replacement nominee with JoJo the expected target, but things could still change before the eviction on Thursday night. Things have definitely calmed down with Willie out of the house!

TV Review: Big Brother 14x04: Straight Talkin'

Warning: The following article may contain spoilers. Reader discretion advised.


ML- I used to think that Survivor was the greatest game ever created. In it, you must vote out your opponents, and, in order to win, convince the eliminated on the jury to pick you over someone else. Lately, I've been more on the side of Big Brother being the greatest game, because it is designed to allow for constant shifts in power every week. And after the absolutely chaotic week in the house, we saw an absolute reversal of fortune. Game on.

Kara came out of the PoV ceremony claiming she was "all cried out" and ready to secure the 5 votes she needed to stay in the game. Frank, too, battled for his spot, making friends with his betrayer Willie under the assumption Willie had Frank's best interests in mind. Unfortunately for Frank, Willie only has Willie's best interests in mind, all the time. So when Willie subscribed to the plot of sending Janie's team's votes to Frank to re-focus his target on them, and Frank then found out, the Fruit Loops were bound to hit the fan.

BUT FIRST (Seriously, Emmy voters, why keep snubbing Julie Chen for Reality host? She's hilarious!) Britney had an egregious moment of paranoia and shared her suspicions of the coaches entering the game, on the basis of coaches having key holes in the memory wall, with Willie. Willie then called a "No Coaches Allowed" house meeting with the newbies to share this info. Wil at one point declared he was taking a 24-hour break from the game, which Willie later mocked to Frank using an effeminate voice and flamboyant hand motions.

Next, Joe spilled to Frank Willie's plan to pin the votes on Team Janelle, which Frank felt nullified their agreement. He then told Joe about the mocking, which spread like wildfire through the house and made it back to Wil. Britney, now convinced of Janelle and Dan working together, told Willie of his new image in the house. Willie confronted Frank, and the season's first blow-out went down in the backyard.

On one side, Willie "Grown Ass Man" Hantz, who was accused of making homophobic comments by many (not Frank), which I don't actually agree with. I'd mock Willie's voice, I'd mock Wil's voice, and JoJo's, and Danielle's, and Ashley's, because these people are characters chosen for their distinct voices. Wil is, in fact, gay and expressive. Was it nice of Willie to mock him? Absolutely not. But was it blown out of proportion by Frank, Joe and the rest of the house? Absolutely.

That brings us to Frank "Straight Talkin' Mother F*****" Eudy, who made a bold move standing up against bullying in the house which gained him great favor from Wil and Team Janie. Usually, advice is to avoid confrontation to get by, but in this case, Frank made many allies and cemented a leadership status in a new voting block determined to weaken Willie by keeping his greatest enemy around.

At the live vote, Frank expressed loyalty to his new side, while Kara sold someone out by saying they made a final 2 deal with Frank. Who was she referring to? We'll probably find out next week.

In the end, Danielle stood by her teammate and Shane and JoJo stood by Willie to vote out Frank, but Jenn/Ian from Team Boogie and Joe/Wil/Ashley from Team Janie had the numbers and eliminated Kara 5-3.

Last week, I predicted someone from Team Dan would go and chose Danielle instead of Kara. I picked Frank as the winner, and still think he can win the whole thing after surviving this crazy week.

My belief was strengthened at the HoH Competiton, Big Brother Break-In, which asked questions about videos the house guests were shown of a "burglar" breaking into the house and causing detail-oriented trouble. Shane was out first, and then with one question about shaving legs, it was down to Wil and Frank. At that point, it was a foregone conclusion that this new alliance would have the power no matter what. I think Wil threw the challenge so Frank could win, but whatever really happened, it proved that this game is so unpredictable and so entertaining that truly anybody can win.

Julie also announced a new twist to the Coaches' Competition- the winning coach can either save one player from nomination, as was true last week, OR trade one team member for one from another team, HoH excluded. I don't expect any coaches to do this, as there would be no camaraderie between the coach and either their disposed or claimed player.

Who will Frank nominate for eviction? Find out Sunday at 8! Thanks for reading.

Pick to Win: Frank
Next Evicted: Willie


Episode Grade: A
Episode MVP: Frank Eudy
Original Airdate: 7/19/2012

LIVE FEED SPOILERS AHEAD- SERIOUSLY STAY AWAY!!
Those predictions were made Thursday night immediately after the episode finished, before the publication of this article. At this point, one prediction has already come true- kind of. Willie went absolutely nuts, swearing at everyone and slamming doors, and entered the DR for a few hours, during which the feeds were down. By the time the Live Feeds came back on, Willie had been expelled from the game. That's right, folks, Willie Hantz is gone.

Janelle won the Coaches Comp and saved Ashley from nomination. Frank remained HoH and made his nominations- Shane and JoJo, both from Team Brit. Apparently the target is Shane, but if he saves himself, they're going to get Danielle out to eliminate Dan from the house.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x03: Kicking Yourself in the Face

The following article contains spoilers. Reader discretion advised.

ML- It's fitting that Ian wound up on Team Boogie, because both of them to this point have been kicking themselves in the face in the game. One, Ian, has literally done this in an attempt to appear fun and likable and not weird or creepy at all. The other, Boogie, has done so by making too many ties to all the wrong people.

Boogie had a "good" thing going with Dan, in the sense that they were aligned, not in the sense that they had any control over the house this week. He screwed that up when he sold Dan out to Britney and Janelle, echoing their idea of knocking out Kara in an attempt to remove Dan from the house entirely. Everybody knows Boogie's game, his strategy, and not to trust him.

Everyone except Shane, apparently, who seems to be humoring a deal with Boogs that would keep Frank in the house in order to ensure his own safety and shift the "physical threat" target to Frank.
There's a strategic merit in making a deal with an unlikable player- if by some act of Grodner that person gains power, they won't forget your loyalty. Shane isn't all (sunburned) muscles, he's got some game, too.

Team Blonde Ambition, Britney and Janelle, reveled in their handling of the other coaches and newbies alike. It's great to see them working together, as both have proven to be die-hard gamers in this house. Boogie approached Britney to sniff out whether she and Janie were working together, which Brit handled perfectly. Boogie threatened, however, that if Joe from Team Janelle wasn't nominated after the Veto was used, "the line would be drawn". Neither she nor Janelle succumbed to Boogie's meddling, and it appears their bond was strengthened because of it. Their players took a backseat this episode, something I'm sure many die-hard fans may not care for, but those watching for familiar faces loved all of the coach talk this week.

Before the PoV challenge, we saw Shane consider deals with both Frank and Kara if he were to win, so it was pretty obvious that he'd take the gold in the competition. The gold in question amounted to only $1.30, the amount of oversized change the house guests had to locate in a big, bubbly laundromat set and toss into their coin slot. JoJo, the host for this competition, said where she comes from she knows a thing or two about laundering, but I'd bet she knows more about putting things in coin slots. ZZZZIIIIIINGGG!!

It was neck-and-neck-and-neck between Frank, Shane and Willie, while Wil, Kara and Danielle quickly fell behind. It came down to a matter of seconds as Shane narrowly defeated teammate Willie for the first PoV of the season, injuring his back in the process. Of course, the teammates did a happy dance in the HoH room after the victory and weighed their options. Shane, however, was adamant about playing his own game.

He made the smart decision to keep blood off of his hands and let the chips fall as they may by not playing the Power of Veto. Now it's Frank vs. Kara (or, Boogie vs. Dan) tomorrow night as one houseguest is evicted, live. Personally, I'd like to see Frank stay, considering he was my pick in the premiere to win it all, but that inherent likability/"winningness" quality is so palpable that it will not sit with the other competitors in the house. It all comes down to who the bigger threat is: Frank or Dan.

What did you think of the episode? Whose accent attempt was better, Danielle's or JoJo's? Do you have any hidden talents that double as metaphors for your Big Brother coach's poor gameplay? Who do you want to go home this week? Hit the comments to share your opinions, ya'll!

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 7/18/2012


Note: Like every other sane individual, I'll be going to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight tomorrow, and may not have the Big Brother recap post up immediately following the episode (or the Louie review, for that matter). It'll go up at some point! In the meantime, keep calm, carry on, and go see Christian Bale kick some mumbly butt.

SPOILERY LIVE FEED UPDATE SPONSORED BY FROOT LOOPS AND DIGIORNO
Basically, every cross-team alliance created thus far in the show has been nullified. Everyone on Team Janelle has now aligned with Team Boogie, forming the "Diversity" alliance. Many have also begun showing their jealousy of Janelle, including Britney, Wil and Ashley.

Britney told Willie about her suspicions of the Coaches entering the game. Afterwards, Willie called all 11 newbies in the house together to share that information and create a mob mentality against the coaches.

Willie mocked Wil's effeminate voice and mannerisms to Frank, who told people about it and, by the time it got back to Wil, the story was that he used a homophobic slur. This prompted an actual racial slur from Willie(directed towards nobody of that race), all of which came to a head when Willie and Frank had a blow-up in the backyard. Shocker!

As for who is going home, it all rests on the shoulders of the most unlikely contestant- Ashley. She's not sold on the Diversity alliance, which is targeting Kara to save Frank. Right now, if she sides with Diversity, it will be 5-3 Kara going home. If she joins with the other side (Willie offered a F3 with JoJo and Ashley), it'll force a tie, and Willie will surely send newfound enemy Frank home. As fast as things have been changing, it's anyone's guess what will happen tomorrow night.

In terms of HoH, Dan is advising his girls to throw the competition to keep targets off of their backs in this BB bloodbath. They're all expecting a quick, true/false style HoH. If that's the case, anybody can win.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x01: Cruel Summer

ML- To paraphrase the great Janelle Pierzina, "Hi hi, bitches!" Welcome to America's favorite guilty pleasure life consumer, Big Brother, which began its 14th season with a bang- that bang being the sound of Jodi's face smacking against the animatronic bed over and over again.

The game has already taken an incredibly drastic change with the addition of four legendary (Copyright Barney Stinson, CBS) coaches to guide the noobs through the game, which is a good thing because it seems as though none of them have watched much Big Brother in the past. These coaches will be playing their own game; whoever mentors someone to victory will pocket $100,000 of their own.
The coaches are: Mike "Boogie" Malin, BB2 & BB7, Janelle Pierzina, BB6 & BB7, Dan Gheesling, BB10 and Britney Haynes, BB12.

I'd say the first three choices were spot-on, but the addition of Britney nearly ruins the plan. Despite being a diary room goddess and one of the funniest house guests in history, she (admittedly) played terribly last time and shouldn't have been considered as a mentor over the likes of Jun, Danielle or Dani Donato. Hell, even RACHEL would have been better at mentoring, but Britney proved tonight that she's at least going to give the other coaches a run for their money.

Before we continue (or should I say BUT FIRST) let's go over the 12 newbies and quick first impressions of them from their awful, fake "key finding" packages.

FRANK- Frank is unemployed, something Jodi was 98% sure was a lie. Unfortunately, the margin of error tonight was 1.9%, or something. Ian would probably explain it better. Anyway, Frank is a BB super fan who doesn't fit the stereotypical BB super fan mold, a dangerous combination for the rest of the house. Frank was the first choice to join TEAM BOOGIE.


DANIELLE- My first thought was "Jordan 2.0", which isn't a bad thing at all. She's cute and has that southern drawl that makes everyone seem just an ounce more likable (unless your last name is Hantz). She decided to lie about her job, saying she's a kindergarden teacher rather than admitting to being a nursing student. A risky move, as it'll be easy to slip up while in the house for so long and instantly lose  people's trust. Danielle was a second round pick for TEAM DAN.


SHANE- He flips houses for a living, so I can't wait to hear all the puns of him "flipping" the house around once he gets on the block. I don't expect that to take too long, as his physicality and apparent lack of strategic game will make him a prime target for some early nominations. So of course, he was the first pick for TEAM BRITNEY.

JODI- "Too normal", my reality TV-addled brain warned as she came upon my screen. She doesn't have perfect features or a perfect body. How did she manage to sneak into the house and fool everyone, even the great and powerful Chenbot? Despite that (or perhaps because of it) she came across as down to earth and eager to play, which, in the Big Brother world, gets you picked last of everyone, ending up on TEAM DAN.

IAN- Ian and Cochran from Survivor were probably in the same pile of applications sorted at CBS, as both fit the stereotypical "nerd" slot. Unlike Cochran, Ian may be getting some action soon, as Ashley has showed interest in him, because he "wears glasses." Girl really knows how to pick 'em. His excitement at the sight of Boogie, Dan and Janelle made me smile, as it's exactly how I'd be if put in the house. Except I wear contacts, so I'd have no shot at an Ashley showmance, so I guess he knows what he's doing. He was the second choice for TEAM BOOGIE.

WIL- With 1 L. Guys. 1 L. There's already a Willie, this is Wil. Jeez. The "Southern gay" (who was an American Idol reject that I actually remember) tried making a hair alliance with Frank within seconds of entering the house. He could be a very up-front player, which makes for great TV, but often doesn't lead to the big bucks. Hopefully he will find some great tutelage as first pick under TEAM JANELLE.

JOJO- Or should I say JowwJoww, BB's answer to the Jersey Shore stereotype (because we have all forgotten Enzo, yes? Yes.) She's from Staten Island and there to do New York proud, whatever that means. My expectations for her as a player are low, so I hope she gets drunk and fights with Janelle a lot. She was the final pick for TEAM BRITNEY.

WILLIE HANTZ- Yes, Russell's brother. No, he probably won't win, unless producer Allison Grodner deems it fitting, then which case he absolutely will. He's actually a lot more likable than Russell, but everybody was onto him within minutes (Ian gave it a 99.9% certainty rating- nice going, Ian!) but he's still trying to play dumb. Absolutely foolish, he should own up and say he's nothing like Russell, because literally, I thought it was Russell when he stood outside the door. Actually, since he's taller, it looked like Russell standing on a smaller Hantz' s shoulders. Brush that Hantz off yo' shoulder, Willie, and do TEAM BRITNEY proud!

KARA- The Playboy model has many assets that will help her succeed in this game, but unfortunately, they're out for everyone to see. I'm pointing to her boobies. She's dated rockstars in the past, so all I have to say is: Haaaaave you met Jenn? (Copyright: Barney Stinson, CBS). She's looking for a showmance, which has benefitted BB girls the past few seasons, so perhaps she's got more going on than we've all seen on NSFW sites? Now we know why she was chosen for TEAM DAN.


JOE- The chef, who only made it into the house because another contestant quit, doesn't seem to be someone who can relax and chill with all of the young kids in the house. Cooking is a good skill to have, however, and his age could also be a benefit if they deem him as out of his physical prime. Hopefully he can find strengths from his qualities and be a good player for TEAM JANELLE.

JENN- The tattooed rockstar says she's either loved or despised, which means she'll probably go sooner rather than later in the house. People want to put up people that the majority of people are against, to seem like less of a bad guy. If half the house hates Jenn, it'll be easy to find the numbers to oust her. Can her personality shine through the unique appearance enough to form strong bonds? That's a task for her mentor on TEAM BOOGIE.

ASHLEY- The mobile spray tanner has a personality disconnect that I noticed with Porsche last year- everything she says seems staged or scripted or fake. Maybe it's just her weird baby voice? Is the house really going to be "yummy"? I don't think so. Hopefully her mentor, a friend of Porsche's, can direct her in the right way on TEAM JANELLE.


So there we have it, 12 people on 4 teams- except by the end of the night, Julie warns, one of them would be leaving. Bonkers.

The challenge is different from a regular Big Brother competition: The team that comes in first will let their mentor choose one of them to be HoH, and the team that comes in last will force its mentor to eliminate someone that night. This twist definitely favors Team Britney, which has arguably the two most athletic guys in the house in Willie and Shane, and takes a lot of power out of the contestants hands and into the coach's. This is not the Big Brother we all know and love, this is an exhibition match to see which coach can take down the others. I both hate and love it at the same time.

The challenge involved house guests hopping in pajamas onto spinning and bucking beds to retrieve teddy bears for their slumber party, Frogger-style. (Never thought I'd write that sentence in my life). Each houseguest had to retrieve one bear, then send one person to the other side to hit the buzzer. If, at 20 minutes in, a team had not completed, a coach could substitute another player to run the course.

The competition was pretty even throughout, with the men dominating way easier than the ladies. That didn't bode well for Team Dan, who actually seemed like a good coach (considering he is a coach in real life) but couldn't muster the same inner power that Coach Taylor could manage from his Panthers. Clear eyes, busted lips, sure to lose?

I ranked the teams as they were announced as Boogie > Dan > Janelle > Britney, and wouldn't you know it, my last place team came out on top. Physicality won out and Britney's team was able to take control of the house for week one. It'll be interesting to see who she advises her HoH to target, considering she loves Janelle as much as I do. But I'm getting ahead of myself- the other teams were neck and neck, but Dan's team played like a bunch of girls (a joke, because they all are girls, not a commentary on females in sports- have you SEEN the Williams sisters?) and, unfortunately for the Renegade himself, he placed behind both Janelle and Boogie's teams.

Brit selected Willie as her first HoH, a smart move to secure the rest of the house doesn't get into Shane or JoJo's ears about knocking the Hantz out of the game. He equate this "victory" to winning a national championship. Hear that, Olympians? Ain't nobody got nothin' on Willie Hantz!

As Dan debated his options, I came to my own conclusion- boot Jodi. Yes she's likable in a dorky kind of way, but she just doesn't belong with the rest of the fame whores in the house. And Dan agreed, sending Jodi packing as the first casualty of the summer, and weeding his team down to only Kara and Danielle.

What should Willie do? One strategy would be to pick Kara and Danielle as nominees. That way you don't piss off any other coaches and are one step closer to ridding Dan from the house. Or does he go after bigger threats like Frank and Ian on Team Boogie? I'm ecstatic to see how this twist plays out, and especially to see what "new power" will be introduced into the game. Also, what's the over-under on when the mentors can enter the game as actual house guests? I love the idea of Janelle having no consequences of getting into drunk fights with everyone, but it'd be much sweeter to se her finally walk away with the oversized check.

Well, that's it for me this week! Before I go, I'll begin with this BB blog's tradition: player most likely to win it all and player most likely to go home next.

Most Likely to Leave Next: Danielle
Most Likely to Win It All: Frank


Another note: I will be watching the live feeds and Big Brother: After Dark this year, so this may be the first night where spoilers don't come into play in the reviews. I'll try to limit conversation to only CBS info and maybe use the end for spoiler-y discussion? If you care at all, let me know in the comments! Hope you guys keep reading, it's going to be a long, fun summer!

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina
Original Airdate: 7/12/2012