TV Review: Big Brother 14x12: Nasty Southern Belles Go to Hell

ML- There's no point trying to even play like I'm unbiased when it comes to Big Brother. Nobody involved is- Grodner, the players, the fans. So I feel comfortable saying I'm pissed off at how this week's backdoor went down.

If you only watched the episode, it probably made sense. But if you were a live feed viewer, you saw a lot more information that paints the remaining houseguests in a different light.

Like Danielle. If I ever met her I would probably curse her out. She talked so much trash about Janelle this week with people who have talked even more trash about Danielle in the past. She, Britney and Wil are the cattiest of BB players and I can't wait for all of them to get their comeuppance. And, again, when they do and rejoin the Twitterverse, I will be sure to express my discontent with them.

Did Janelle make a blunder worthy of her certainly early eviction? Possibly. If you watch the live feeds, she didn't actually pause for so long and give no response after Boogie threw out the possibility of evicting Joe. She paused, then agreed to lose Joe. However, that would paint Boogie and Dan in a negative light, and the editors need to spin this as positively as possible against Janelle to keep the fans watching. And all I have to say is bullshit.

Many alliances were formed tonight, from the Quack Pack (Danielle/Dan/Britney/Shane/Ian) to the "Avengers"-like Silent Six (Danielle/Dan/Britney/Shane/Boogie/Frank). If you watch the feeds you know another alliance, TiTs, was formed, compsed of Wil/Ashley/Jenn/Joe. It's sad that at this point, with Janelle out of every alliance, my support doesn't go behind her players, but rather the ones who had to fight desperately to keep themselves in against her (read: Mike and Frank.)

I won't comment on the scripted DR session with Frank, Boogie and Ian. All I will say about Danielle is that she;s lucky she positioned herself into a showmance so that Grodner has a reason to portray her positively, because all of the bitter, bitchy, petty, literally CRAZY talk she's shown on the feeds has painted her in the exact opposite light. She doesn't understand how badly everyone, including Shane, has spoken of her in the past. 

I will praise Dan, Boogie and Frank, though. If Janelle can't make it to the end of this game and finally win, I hope one of these three deserving players will do so. Joe, Ashley, Wil and Jenn are four of the most worthless players to enter the house, Britney and Danielle are some of the most personally-affected people to play. Danielle ruined her HoH by adding an unneeded target on herself by saving the life of her main target, who was shown saying how little he thinks of her and will surely win and nominate her down the line, when Janelle had much bigger fish to fry. Danielle overcompensated this week, like she has done in her "relationship" attempts with Shane, in her attempts to feel important, powerful and gain acceptance. She may have done so temporarily with other players in the house, but I guarantee she will never be beloved like Janelle or Jordan, who I compared her to a few weeks ago.

We got to see a rehashed Veto of contestants trading prizes as they are eliminated. In the end, Shane got a veto ticket, Jenn a Maui vacation, Wil $5,000, Ian the life of a dog for 24 hours, Frank a Spirit-tard and Danielle the Veto. Thanks to some carftiness by Boogie and Frank, Danielle agreed to spare her target and nominate Janelle, only after Dan gave her the go-ahead when he felt she couldn't be trusted.

I fully expect Janelle to exit the house tomorrow night. It would be stupid for them to keep her around, obviously, and she has no real allies. Janie represented the pre-Grodner era where competitions could be won without any "help" and twists from America didn't come around at the most convenient times. That being said, Janelle had 3 surviving mentees that showed her no respect, perhaps because they didn't feel they got any from her. Personally, I think they were all ungrateful, Janellous bitches who will  get their asses handed to them by the majority alliance in the coming weeks.

So Viva la Silent Six, though it is no equal to the Sovereign Six of BB6 history (Janelle, Howie, Rachel, James, Sarah and Kaysar, for the forgetful ones out there). You've gotten rid of the biggest threat who had the least amount of allies and solidified yourselves as asses to the fans. Can't wait to see a 12th-place finisher win fan favorite over all of you.

Episode Grade: A- (Editing wise, well done for what they wanted to tell, not for what happened).

Episode MVP: Mike Boogie 

Original Airdate: 08/08/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x09: Keep Calm and Kiss Ass

ML- Britney and Shane mocked Janelle's players and couldn't wait to kick one of them out of the house. By the end of the episode, it seems as though all of them will survive into next week. How'd they manage to pull that one off?

Much of their success can be attributed to Ian, whose inability to commit to saving Shane next week sent Britney into a frenzy and turned the target back onto Frank. But Janie and Joe did their own share of the work, the former offering her wedding ring and Chanel earrings as collateral, the latter making weird metaphors to rock climbers and the president.

Joe was not happy to be up basically only because he's Janelle's player, though his personality obviously didn't help his case. Janelle wouldn't let her people freak out, nor would she let them give Shane or Britney an ounce of breathing room during the week. Ass kissing, though embarrassing, is a good strategy in Big Brother. Wil claimed he doesn't want to be known as an ass kisser, and there is absolutely no joke to be made there. Joe tried his best, but obviously, gentle tones and smooth deliveries are not his strong suits.

The Veto was similar to one in BB13, except this time instead of Greek gods and goddesses, the contestants were dressed in clown suits. They had to run to keep two balls off the ground as they rolled  up slanted paths. Once you dropped a ball, you were out.

The competition went pretty quickly tonight, as Wil, Joe, Frank and Danielle fell out, leaving only Shane and Ashley. Shane defeated the klutzy Ashley to score his third straight veto, probably sending past all-time veto champs Janelle and James Rhine into panic mode. Is he the Michael Phelps of Vetoes?

It was then do or die time for Joe and Team Janelle, as they made as many offers as possible to get Boogie and his people out of the house. I've got to hand it to Janelle, she really does hustle to get her way in the house. Along with Ian's slip up, Shane and Brit decided to explain the backdoor to Frank in a way he might not expect to go home. It didn't work 100% as planned, but at least there wasn't a big blow-up- yet.

Britney likened Boogie and Frank to a dragon and its head- are we getting some more Survivor cross-over here with Coach? Is this all one big elaborate ploy to get Big Brother fans used to hearing "coach" and "dragon" so next season they can do a BB/Survivor mash-up? I'd truly dig that.

Tomorrow night we'll see if the coaches enter the game (they probably will) and who goes home, Frank or Joe (if they're smart it'll be Frank, but I can't stand listening to Joe's confessionals anymore). If Frank does go home, I'll be looking for a new Winner Pick. Leave me your suggestions in the comments below!

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina & Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 8/1/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x06: Big Three Fall Hard

ML- It doesn't take long to go from hero to zero in the BB house, as Team Britney became well aware of this week. After losing Willie Hantz to his own self-destructive ego, and the subsequent HoH win by surviving nominee Frank, Shane, JoJo and Britney were right to be shaking in their giant tortilla costumes. But, as we saw last week, you're not out in Big Brother until you walk out that front door- and even then, sometimes you move back in.

It was clear who Frank would target, but the producers did their best to add some mystery by showing Boogie's scheme of backdooring Shane rather than putting him up upfront. That wasn't a bad plan, but had he been chosen for Veto and won and saved JoJo, Frank would be getting even more blood on his hands than was necessary this week.

JoJo pleaded her case as a loyal player, basically saying she was willing to abandon all of her previous alliances and join him. Swearing on her grandmother's life wasn't enough to convince Frank, who indeed nominated the remaining Team Brit members Shane and JoJo for eviction.

Britney did her best to coach them in the right direction, but I absolutely would not want to be in her position right now. Picking some of the stronger players totally backfired on her way too fast, and Willie quitting (and the producers not ending Frank's HoH reign right there, as they did to Michele when Chima quit in BB11, I believe) has screwed Shane and JoJo over even more. Sure, they should reintegrate, decrease game talk and be friendly, but in the end, the other contestants are going to do what's best for their games, not keep who they like better.

Boogie made another great suggestion to Frank this week: nurture relationships with Shane and JoJo. One of them at least will definitely be playing for next HoH, so you want to do as much damage control as possible. I think Frank and Boogie make a good team and really hope Frank can keep straight talking' his way through the game.

Danielle wanted to be chosen for PoV really badly, so of course the BB gods denied her and instead Ian, Ashley and Wil joined the others for a date at the Big Brother Cantina. The competition involved digging through thick, margarita-themed liquid for menu items to match them to a main menu, all while wearing a giant tortilla chip costume. Once you placed all of your menus in what you thought was the correct order, ring your bell to lock in your time. Whoever had the most right in the fastest time won the PoV.

The challenge made for entertaining TV, as Wil and Frank took plenty of tumbles and Ashley proved she's either dumber than the fish in the fish tank or working a smart strategic plan of playing dumb. Based on her challenge strategy (creating meaningless mnemonics of menu item first letters) and list of qualities in a good man ("likes to eat food" stood out for me), I'd say its the former.

In the end, Shane narrowly beat Ian in a real nail-biter, and Britney hugged him in the big vat of guacamole. He and Frank quickly solidified an alliance of sorts, a smart move for the short term to keep the power players off of each other's backs. He then planned to save Danielle from certain nomination by proposing to backdoor Wil and weaken Janie's team. Frank was hesitant, afraid to open that can of worms just yet.

Dan basically released Danielle from his coaching, as he saw his affiliation a kiss of death for Jodi and Kara before her. This reminded me of Eric and Pam on True Blood, except Pam is way cooler than Danielle, who cries way too much. This is actually smart for Dan- the weaker she appears, the more time she will spend in the house over the likes of JoJo, Shane, Frank, Wil, Joe and Ian. However, she's not making any friends by moping all the time.

At the Veto Ceremony, Shane did what he had to and saved himself, and Frank did what he had to and nominated Danielle. All of the three nominees were those who voted for him to leave, and therefore he made no new enemies by putting them up. He also secured a deal with Shane thanks to Boogie's nudging. I'd say his HoH week is going a lot smoother than Willie's.

Tomorrow night, either Team Britney will be down to one member or Dan will follow Danielle out of the house. And another HoH competition will shift things up once again (I hope, as this week has been too safe. Good gameplay, bad TV). 

Episode Grade: B-

Episode MVPs: Frank Eudy & Shane Meaney

Original Airdate: 7/25/2012

LIVE FEED SPOILERS AHEAD!

Nothing major to report after last week's craziness. It looks as though JoJo will be departing tomorrow night without putting up much of a fight, thanks to Britney coaching her to lay low. Ashley has made lots of alliances with lots of people and it seems like most of them trust her. Could backfire later, but for now she's in a good position. If Shane wins HoH he wants to target Wil and Joe from Team Janelle.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x03: Kicking Yourself in the Face

The following article contains spoilers. Reader discretion advised.

ML- It's fitting that Ian wound up on Team Boogie, because both of them to this point have been kicking themselves in the face in the game. One, Ian, has literally done this in an attempt to appear fun and likable and not weird or creepy at all. The other, Boogie, has done so by making too many ties to all the wrong people.

Boogie had a "good" thing going with Dan, in the sense that they were aligned, not in the sense that they had any control over the house this week. He screwed that up when he sold Dan out to Britney and Janelle, echoing their idea of knocking out Kara in an attempt to remove Dan from the house entirely. Everybody knows Boogie's game, his strategy, and not to trust him.

Everyone except Shane, apparently, who seems to be humoring a deal with Boogs that would keep Frank in the house in order to ensure his own safety and shift the "physical threat" target to Frank.
There's a strategic merit in making a deal with an unlikable player- if by some act of Grodner that person gains power, they won't forget your loyalty. Shane isn't all (sunburned) muscles, he's got some game, too.

Team Blonde Ambition, Britney and Janelle, reveled in their handling of the other coaches and newbies alike. It's great to see them working together, as both have proven to be die-hard gamers in this house. Boogie approached Britney to sniff out whether she and Janie were working together, which Brit handled perfectly. Boogie threatened, however, that if Joe from Team Janelle wasn't nominated after the Veto was used, "the line would be drawn". Neither she nor Janelle succumbed to Boogie's meddling, and it appears their bond was strengthened because of it. Their players took a backseat this episode, something I'm sure many die-hard fans may not care for, but those watching for familiar faces loved all of the coach talk this week.

Before the PoV challenge, we saw Shane consider deals with both Frank and Kara if he were to win, so it was pretty obvious that he'd take the gold in the competition. The gold in question amounted to only $1.30, the amount of oversized change the house guests had to locate in a big, bubbly laundromat set and toss into their coin slot. JoJo, the host for this competition, said where she comes from she knows a thing or two about laundering, but I'd bet she knows more about putting things in coin slots. ZZZZIIIIIINGGG!!

It was neck-and-neck-and-neck between Frank, Shane and Willie, while Wil, Kara and Danielle quickly fell behind. It came down to a matter of seconds as Shane narrowly defeated teammate Willie for the first PoV of the season, injuring his back in the process. Of course, the teammates did a happy dance in the HoH room after the victory and weighed their options. Shane, however, was adamant about playing his own game.

He made the smart decision to keep blood off of his hands and let the chips fall as they may by not playing the Power of Veto. Now it's Frank vs. Kara (or, Boogie vs. Dan) tomorrow night as one houseguest is evicted, live. Personally, I'd like to see Frank stay, considering he was my pick in the premiere to win it all, but that inherent likability/"winningness" quality is so palpable that it will not sit with the other competitors in the house. It all comes down to who the bigger threat is: Frank or Dan.

What did you think of the episode? Whose accent attempt was better, Danielle's or JoJo's? Do you have any hidden talents that double as metaphors for your Big Brother coach's poor gameplay? Who do you want to go home this week? Hit the comments to share your opinions, ya'll!

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 7/18/2012


Note: Like every other sane individual, I'll be going to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight tomorrow, and may not have the Big Brother recap post up immediately following the episode (or the Louie review, for that matter). It'll go up at some point! In the meantime, keep calm, carry on, and go see Christian Bale kick some mumbly butt.

SPOILERY LIVE FEED UPDATE SPONSORED BY FROOT LOOPS AND DIGIORNO
Basically, every cross-team alliance created thus far in the show has been nullified. Everyone on Team Janelle has now aligned with Team Boogie, forming the "Diversity" alliance. Many have also begun showing their jealousy of Janelle, including Britney, Wil and Ashley.

Britney told Willie about her suspicions of the Coaches entering the game. Afterwards, Willie called all 11 newbies in the house together to share that information and create a mob mentality against the coaches.

Willie mocked Wil's effeminate voice and mannerisms to Frank, who told people about it and, by the time it got back to Wil, the story was that he used a homophobic slur. This prompted an actual racial slur from Willie(directed towards nobody of that race), all of which came to a head when Willie and Frank had a blow-up in the backyard. Shocker!

As for who is going home, it all rests on the shoulders of the most unlikely contestant- Ashley. She's not sold on the Diversity alliance, which is targeting Kara to save Frank. Right now, if she sides with Diversity, it will be 5-3 Kara going home. If she joins with the other side (Willie offered a F3 with JoJo and Ashley), it'll force a tie, and Willie will surely send newfound enemy Frank home. As fast as things have been changing, it's anyone's guess what will happen tomorrow night.

In terms of HoH, Dan is advising his girls to throw the competition to keep targets off of their backs in this BB bloodbath. They're all expecting a quick, true/false style HoH. If that's the case, anybody can win.