Big Brother 14: Blood Up to My Elbows

ML- The picture says it all: Dan Gheesling is a mastermind.

(I'm not even going to address the clip show episode tonight. All you need to know is Dan won endurance Part 1).

He has gotten himself into a situation where both remaining players want to bring him to the Final 2, guaranteeing him $50,000 and giving him a pretty great case to the half-a-million.

But will the "blood up to his elbows" blind the jurors from voting for Dan, who has played an amazing strategic game but failed to handle jury management? We got our first glimpse at the jury house last week, where we saw Britney battle Frank over Dan's gameplay. Frank thought Dan was playing dirty because he made a deal then went back on it, but Britney reminded him Frank did the same thing to her. What it all comes down to is that it is A GAME, and, as Boogie said, "this is the Big Brother house. You can bounce checks." Remember that, Frank? Chill out, bro.

How will the votes fall? I did a juror-by-juror recap at Final 5, but with more information, let's project how the votes fall.

Dan/Danielle:
Ashley: Dan?
Britney: Dan
Frank: Danielle (maybe Dan)
Joe: Dan
Jenn: Danielle
Shane: Danielle
Ian: Dan
Verdict: Most likely Danielle, unless Frank stops playing Susie High Horse and votes for Dan. I honestly think Frank will come around, as a fan of this game, and vote for Dan.

Dan/Ian:
Ashley: Ian
Britney: Ian
Frank: Ian
Joe: Ian
Jenn: Dan?
Shane: Ian
Danielle: Dan?
Verdict: Ian easily.

Danielle/Ian:
Ashley: Ian
Britney: Ian
Frank: Ian
Joe: Danielle
Jenn: Danielle
Shane: Danielle
Dan: Toss Up
Verdict: I think this all comes down to Dan. Will he vote for his player or for the better player? My guess is Danielle.

So everyone has a shot to win this! Can't wait to see the final HoH Wednesday night and to go to the finale party on Thursday! If anyone has questions for any of the Houseguests, be sure to post them in the comments and I will do my best to make sure they are asked!

Winner Pick: Dan
Episode Grade: C for the Clip Show, A for Shane's eviction.
Original Airdate: 9/16/2012 for the Clip Show, 9/13/2012 for Shane's eviction.

TV Review Catch-Up: Big Brother 14: Breaking Down the Final 5

ML- Frank was my Day 1 pick to win it all, a belief I strayed from only while Janelle reared her blonde head in the house. My last post was made after Janie's eviction, at which point I re-alligned with Frank and gave him my blessing to the end.

His elimination has inspired me to return to blogging and re-assess the game, which has changed drastically since the Final 12. I had the great fortune to attend the live Double Eviction and send my pick off in person (I'm the blonde in the light blue on the left of the above picture). I backed him throughout the season, through every nomination, every HoH, and now he's off to sequester with only Ted and some bad feelings.

I can't talk about the taping, but I did get to have a moment with Frank when I yelled "Preesh" (his favorite phrase) and he looked back and acknowledged me. I also got to see Joe walk out the door, and I tried my best to keep from rolling my eyes during his exit interview. Maybe you'll catch one if you look close enough!

So we're down to 5:

From Team Britney: Shane
From Team Dan: Coach Dan & Danielle
From Team Boogie: Ian & Jenn
Nobody from Team Janelle :(

It's amazing to see Dan's comeback thus far. They nearly got both him and Danielle out of the house Week 2. Now, he is living large and playing a big, bold, badass game that is going to leave many jurors bitter. His funeral was undoubtedly one of the game's greatest moments, and cemented his legacy as one of the BB legends. But who could Dan face-off with in the Final 2 and beat?

Definitely NOT Ian. Ian is loved by America and many of the jurors. He would eat Dan alive, but apparently he intends to go to the end with "the best", meaning Dan. And let's face it, any of the other three winning would be a massive disappointment to this season.

Shane has played a universally unremarkable endgame. Could that be a strategy? Doesn't make much sense when every HoH/PoV is crucial to you surviving the week. He is undoubtedly a nice guy, and his competition wins could gain him some swing votes if he makes the Final 2.

Danielle has played a good social game, and both she and Shane have been very loyal. Many criticize Danielle for being a pathological liar, which can only help you in the BB house! Upon his exit, Boogie predicted she would win, noting the amount of friends she may have on the jury. If Dan goes up against her in the Final 2, I'm not sure where the votes would go.

And then there's Jenn. Jenn City. I love how Jenn tries really hard in her confessionals to deceive us into thinking she's a legitimate player in this game. Her one move, winning the PoV and saving Dan, was a triumph for Dan, not Jenn. She's not necessarily unlikable, but has no business being victorious for anything she's done this summer.

While I think Ian will win this game, I really hope it's Dan. Sure, he's already won before and had a few weeks of safety. He, like Frank, has had to PLAY every week. He may not have shown it by strategizing with everyone, but the gears were always turning. I respect that game more than Ian's of being likable and cute and winning challenges. Ian winning would definitely make me happy, but Dan winning would make this whole season that much more of a success.

Let's look at possible F2 scenarios, shall we?

Dan/Ian: Ian would win (Frank, Ashley, Joe, Britney, maybe Shane)
Dan/Danielle: Close, my money is on Danielle (Shane, Frank and Ashley's votes locked up, maybe Brit)
Dan/Shane: Shane? (Danielle, Britney, Joe, Frank, Ashley are all likely.)
Dan/Jenn: Dan (Maybe Frank/Ash voting for Jenn, everyone in their right mind votes Dan)
Ian/Danielle: Probably Ian (Frank/Ash/Britney/Joe)
Ian/Shane: Probably Ian (Frank/Ash/Britney/Dan)
Ian/Jenn: Ian
Danielle/Shane: Maybe Danielle (Dan/Ian/Jenn), probably Shane (Frank/Ash/Joe/Britney)
Danielle/Jenn: Danielle
Shane/Jenn: Shane

So in terms of Most Likely to win, I see it as:
Ian wins 4/4 Final 2s
Shane wins 3/4
Danielle wins 2/4
Dan wins 1/4
Jenn wins 0/4

Things could change, obviously, like Frank/Ash not necessarily voting together, or more people respecting gameplay rather than holding grudges.

Will these predictions stand up? Find out in the coming weeks! I'll try to keep up with the blog at least once a week.

My Pick to Win It All: Ian
Double Eviction #2 Grade: A
Season Grade So Far: A-
Original Episode Airdate: 09/06/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x13: What a Douchebag

ML- I have two apologies to make before I get started: One, this is extremely delayed, on account of having to travel to Los Angeles for the semester. Two, the Veto episode review was extremely emotionally-charged on account of being so angry at the move.

I truly feel as though I've gone through the 5 stages of grief with the Janelle elimination.

First was Denial: The reports were wrong. Janelle wasn't the target. She wouldn't go home over Frank.

Then Anger: aka the 14x12 review.

Bargaining: The "Save Janelle" campaign and all the pleading to Alison Grodner and the production to save her.

Depression: I was literally in a funk the night of the eviction.

Acceptance: Now, I'd say I've come to terms with it all.

All in all, Danielle made a bad move. She should have put personal feelings aside and formed a 6-person with Dan, Shane, Britney, Ian and Janelle. Frank and Boogie are too strong, too flaky and will not forget her and Dan's earlier betrayals.

Instead, she removed someone from the house who had no allies. Boogie totally took over her HoH, and I have to respect him and Frank for it.

The best part of the episode, which will surely be remembered for years to come, were Janelle's comments to Boogie's obnoxious goodbye message.

"He's such a loser!"

"What a douchebag."

"Screw you, Mike Boogie."

Janie put her backing behind Dan, because she loves him, but felt Boogie was too much of a threat to win it all. I'd put my backing behind both of them, as well as Dr. Will's pick Ian and my original pick (who I shouldn't have strayed from) Frank.

The next HoH competition, Battle of the Bands, was "knockouts"-style where two people would identify the challenge described in the lame original song.

The order of elimination was Jenn, Joe, Wil, Shane, Ashley, Dan, Boogie and Ian, leaving Britney and Frank for the final round. Frank beat Britney, further proving the point that Danielle made a dumb move.

How will Frank's HoH week go? Find out in the next blog, which should be up later tonight!

Pick to Win: Frank

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina (Screw You, Mike Boogie)
Original Airdate: 08/09/12

TV Review: Big Brother 14x12: Nasty Southern Belles Go to Hell

ML- There's no point trying to even play like I'm unbiased when it comes to Big Brother. Nobody involved is- Grodner, the players, the fans. So I feel comfortable saying I'm pissed off at how this week's backdoor went down.

If you only watched the episode, it probably made sense. But if you were a live feed viewer, you saw a lot more information that paints the remaining houseguests in a different light.

Like Danielle. If I ever met her I would probably curse her out. She talked so much trash about Janelle this week with people who have talked even more trash about Danielle in the past. She, Britney and Wil are the cattiest of BB players and I can't wait for all of them to get their comeuppance. And, again, when they do and rejoin the Twitterverse, I will be sure to express my discontent with them.

Did Janelle make a blunder worthy of her certainly early eviction? Possibly. If you watch the live feeds, she didn't actually pause for so long and give no response after Boogie threw out the possibility of evicting Joe. She paused, then agreed to lose Joe. However, that would paint Boogie and Dan in a negative light, and the editors need to spin this as positively as possible against Janelle to keep the fans watching. And all I have to say is bullshit.

Many alliances were formed tonight, from the Quack Pack (Danielle/Dan/Britney/Shane/Ian) to the "Avengers"-like Silent Six (Danielle/Dan/Britney/Shane/Boogie/Frank). If you watch the feeds you know another alliance, TiTs, was formed, compsed of Wil/Ashley/Jenn/Joe. It's sad that at this point, with Janelle out of every alliance, my support doesn't go behind her players, but rather the ones who had to fight desperately to keep themselves in against her (read: Mike and Frank.)

I won't comment on the scripted DR session with Frank, Boogie and Ian. All I will say about Danielle is that she;s lucky she positioned herself into a showmance so that Grodner has a reason to portray her positively, because all of the bitter, bitchy, petty, literally CRAZY talk she's shown on the feeds has painted her in the exact opposite light. She doesn't understand how badly everyone, including Shane, has spoken of her in the past. 

I will praise Dan, Boogie and Frank, though. If Janelle can't make it to the end of this game and finally win, I hope one of these three deserving players will do so. Joe, Ashley, Wil and Jenn are four of the most worthless players to enter the house, Britney and Danielle are some of the most personally-affected people to play. Danielle ruined her HoH by adding an unneeded target on herself by saving the life of her main target, who was shown saying how little he thinks of her and will surely win and nominate her down the line, when Janelle had much bigger fish to fry. Danielle overcompensated this week, like she has done in her "relationship" attempts with Shane, in her attempts to feel important, powerful and gain acceptance. She may have done so temporarily with other players in the house, but I guarantee she will never be beloved like Janelle or Jordan, who I compared her to a few weeks ago.

We got to see a rehashed Veto of contestants trading prizes as they are eliminated. In the end, Shane got a veto ticket, Jenn a Maui vacation, Wil $5,000, Ian the life of a dog for 24 hours, Frank a Spirit-tard and Danielle the Veto. Thanks to some carftiness by Boogie and Frank, Danielle agreed to spare her target and nominate Janelle, only after Dan gave her the go-ahead when he felt she couldn't be trusted.

I fully expect Janelle to exit the house tomorrow night. It would be stupid for them to keep her around, obviously, and she has no real allies. Janie represented the pre-Grodner era where competitions could be won without any "help" and twists from America didn't come around at the most convenient times. That being said, Janelle had 3 surviving mentees that showed her no respect, perhaps because they didn't feel they got any from her. Personally, I think they were all ungrateful, Janellous bitches who will  get their asses handed to them by the majority alliance in the coming weeks.

So Viva la Silent Six, though it is no equal to the Sovereign Six of BB6 history (Janelle, Howie, Rachel, James, Sarah and Kaysar, for the forgetful ones out there). You've gotten rid of the biggest threat who had the least amount of allies and solidified yourselves as asses to the fans. Can't wait to see a 12th-place finisher win fan favorite over all of you.

Episode Grade: A- (Editing wise, well done for what they wanted to tell, not for what happened).

Episode MVP: Mike Boogie 

Original Airdate: 08/08/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x08: Janie Got Back

ML- It takes quick tongue work to survive each week in the BB house, and Janelle proved she had the right stuff, knocking the Coaches Competition out of the park and foiling Shane's plan of taking out her most threatening competitor, Wil. 

Shane struck back, though, by going against Britney and Danielle's wishes of spreading out the pain to one member of Janie's team and one of Boogie's, and instead he stuck both Joe and Ashley on the block, both members of Team Janelle.

Britney was drunk with power, and rightfully so, after he last man standing took the most powerful seat in the house. She watched as her protege formed a final 2 pact with Danielle of Dan's team. Little did she know, however, he was also plotting things with Frank over on Team Boogie. Shane isn't anchoring himself to Britney, a good decision on his part, but having her be so out of the loop doesn't bode well if she ever does enter the game.

When Joe cooked Shane breakfast in bed, I was praying he would go up on the block. It's a distinct advantage in shows like Survivor and Big Brother to be able to provide quality food to the other contestants, whether you're catching fish or cooking meals. But Joe crossed the suck-up line and, as Boogie said, entered into "patheticness" territory.

We also got to see Ashley at her finest- aka discussing her dream boards and how she's a modern day hippie, but it's weird because she likes rap. She's as complex as any Walter White or Don Draper, no doubt.

Not only does this show reuse challenges, twists and contestants, it also finds small moments to carry over from season to season. The one I noticed tonight was Jenn's discussion of her sexuality with Danielle, a southerner. They had a similar scene with LaWon and Jordan last year, and as I recently watched BB8 I noticed the same thing with Dustin and Kail. Look at BB, breaking down barriers one southern belle at a time.

The Coaches Challenge was tons of fun this week: Feel the Burn, where whoever did the most reps of a certain exercise in a given time while wearing ridiculous 80s workout costumes would win, while the losers could choose consolation prizes in their lockers.

First was a booty scoot that didn't flatter any of the contestants. Britney came in last and gave out have-not status to Ian (who volunteered again, all part of a strategy to accept as much punishment willingly so that he may avoid it later) and Joe.

Next was a hip-shakin challenge that Janie dominated, knocking Boogie out. He won $10,000 to divide between himself and 2 players in the ratios of 6:3:1. He took the largest chunk, and gave Ian and Jenn the rest, respectively. Ian cried, thinking $3,000 was more money than he'd ever seen.

Finally, the tongue trainer, which Janelle again took easily against Dan. Poor Dan got called Kermit Seacrest by Dr. Will last week and now got his kissing skills made fun of by Boogie. It wasn't all bad for him, as he got to invite 5 other houseguests to a cocktail party. He (wisely) chose the other coaches, Danielle and Shane. 

Janelle saved Wil, which, as I said above, forced him to nominate the rest of her team, but not before a last-minute talk with Britney got cut off by the calls to the DR, leading to some genuine drama in the house. I saw one former BB player tweet that this was designed to keep Britney from convincing Shane to put up Frank. If so, it worked.

Frank is sure he's safe with Shane- will that be the case, or is a backdoor in the works? We'll find out Wednesday night! Until then, enjoy your salmon and Froot Loops.

Episode Grade: B+

Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina

Original Airdate: 7/29/2012

SPOILERS AHEAD, READERS BEWARE!!

The Veto has been played, and it went to Shane, who is 3 for 3 in Veto competitions thus far. He used it, shockingly, to save Ashley and nominate Frank. As the votes stand right now, Wil/Ashley will vote for Frank to go, Jenn/Ian will vote for Joe, leaving Danielle as the deciding vote. Will she side with the showmance or take the game into her own hands? We'll find out Thursday, when the coaches are expected to be entering the game!

TV Review: Big Brother 14x07: Caught in a Bad Showmance

ML- I think everyone watching last night knew who was going to win that HoH competition. It didn't seem like the type of thing that could be rigged in anyone's favor, but everyone I talked to was certain that one person would walk away with the key to the bedroom, and sure enough, Shane proved them right.

He went from being in the dominant alliance to nominated to Veto holder to power again. He survived Danielle's revenge after Ian blabbed about his and JoJo's awkward semi-flirting in the Have Not room. He lost two allies this week, but gained some others with Frank and Boogie and will surely flip the house once again.

The eviction was a no-brainer, as JoJo did her best to show everyone how she fights with her heart, ya know? And she's just gotta be her, Staten Island all the way baby. That was my best JoJo impression, but Britney surely knocked that out of the guacamole with her own of JoJo's "I knows". Britney may be a mediocre coach but her diary rooms are pure gold.

We also got a visit from Dr. Will this week. Confession time: I've never seen a second of either of Dr. Will's seasons. I know, I know, I can't be a super fan without seeing the man who mastered this game, but I'm doing my best, you know? I'm too busy fighting my heart out. But really, I'll get around to BB2 and BBAS eventually.

From his totally unbiased opinion, he predicted good things for Boogie and ripped on Mr. Kermit Seacrest Dan for being blinded by boobies, Britney for letting her players get violent and Janie for... well, he didn't have much bad to say about her. She did enough trash talking on herself this week, between calling herself a lazy bitch and commenting on her large boobs, which apparently weigh more than "emancipated" Shane's head.

Now that Shane truly has been emancipated from the shackles of his position last week, what should he do? He's probably not going after Boogie's team or Danielle, so smart money says he puts up Wil and Joe. It'll be fun to see Team Janelle squirm a little bit!

How will this new "America's Vote" influence the game? If a coach turns down the shot to enter, will they stay or will they leave their players behind? Or will they even get a choice of deciding, with all the power going to "America". Will this eliminate Coaches Challenges from the game? Speaking of which, if Britney wins the CC this week, she has nobody to save with Shane as HoH, so can she solely hand out Have Nots? Or will she not be allowed to play? Or can she steal a player from another team? So many questions, but JoJo is still answering the first one with all of her heart.

Time for fake goodbyes! Hate me or love me, see ya'll next week and thanks for reading, you know?

Winner Prediction: Sticking with Frank Eudy
Next Evicted Prediction: Wil "Jennifer Anus-ton" Heuser (The Soup reference)

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Shane Meaney (and JoJo for the hot mess factor)
Original Airdate: 7/26/2012

No Live Feed reports this week! But it should be mentioned that Willie Hantz was arrested today for drunk driving. He's totally Jack Shepherding right now. Soon he'll be sporting a big ol' beard and yelling to JoJo "We have to go back!" And Kara will be Claire with a squirrel baby. The end.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x05: U Can't Touch This (Or U'll Be Ejected)

Warning: The following article may contain plot spoilers. Reader discretion advised.


ML- I had such high hopes for Willie coming into this season of Big Brother. He seemed much calmer, cooler and more collected than his brother Russell, but in hindsight, that was only because he was given a position of power within the first 6 hours of his arrival. Once he did not get his way with the eviction, lost the HoH to his biggest enemy, was reduced to a Have-Not and shunned by his entire team, he self-destructed in classic Hantz fashion.

I missed the first 15 minutes of tonight's episode, but assume a lot of it was spent recapping the eviction and HoH and Willie's new position as a marked man. As smart as it was for Britney, Shane and JoJo to dissociate from Willie, I actually felt bad for him. The psychological pressures of the house must be insane, and to go from everyone wanting to talk to you when you're HoH and constantly kissing your ass to everyone hating your guts and avoiding you, you're bound to react with some hostility. By taking it to a place of violence, however, Willie crossed one of the sacred reality show lines.

While everyone was distancing themselves from Willie, new relationships began to emerge. We saw the Slop Date between Ian and Ashley, which he totally orchestrated because he knows CBS reality shows adore showmances. Ian doesn't seem to me like a threat in a social sense, but he is in the way he knows how to fit into what production wants. While he and Ashley did have some chemistry (though I'm not sure if it was organic or inorganic) the whole scenario felt forced to me.

Having watched many hours of live feeds, the package on Shane and Danielle felt forced as well. I try not to spoil in this section of the blog but it seems misleading for BB to present the relationship one way and know it isn't that way. Basically, Danielle is super into Shane, so much that she's basically admitted she came into the house to find a showmance (if things with Ashley don't pan out, Ian will probably be ready and willing to step in!), however, Shane really doesn't seem to have any interest in Danielle and has talked negatively about her on many occasions. He's using her as a pawn, not being charmed by her brown hair and southern accent.

Janie showed some emotion tonight too as Dan brought up how different it is playing when you have a family at home. Janelle has gotten a lot of flack for leaving her newborn baby behind, which is deserved, and her handling of the situation by saying things like "sometimes I have a little bit of a thought about my daughter" certainly doesn't put her in the running for Mother of the Year.

But she's not looking to be Mother of the Year, she's looking to be the Comp Queen, which she managed to get a step closer in accomplishing today by winning the Coaches Competition. The four coaches were dressed like '90s rapper M.C. Hammer and could only move left-right, Hammertime style. I must say, Dan had the best moves of all of the coaches, but since he was continuing his plot to throw every challenge and appear week, he didn't get to put those moves to the test.

Britney lead the challenge for a while, transferring more stacks of cash back and forth across the balance beam than any of her competitors. Unfortunately, one of the rules was if you drop any cash or fall off the balance beam, you're out. Britney knocked off some cash, ruining her plan to win and trade Willie away to get some heat off of her back.

Boogie, too, didn't properly adhere to the rules. He technically beat Janelle but stepped off before hitting his buzzer, disqualifying him. Janie "won" against two disqualified contestants and someone who was throwing the competition, but a win is a win is a win. She chose not to trade anyone and saved Ashley in an attempt to strengthen their bond. She also chose all of Team Britney- Willie, Shane and JoJo- to be have nots, along with volunteer Ian.

Fuming over his state in the game, Willie then lashed out. He head butted Joe and threw pork rinds at Janelle, neither of whom backed down or showed any fear. Production ordered Willie into the DR, and later the Voice of Grod (Alison Grodner, Big Brother EP) announced over the PA that violence would not be tolerated in the house and that Willie was ejected from the game.

This puts a huge dent in Britney's plans, as Frank is still HoH and will get to knock 2 members from her side out instead of just Willie. It also messes up production, I assume, as by the end of week 2 the house will be down 4 people. Will Coaches enter sooner rather than later? It's possible, as the eliminated house guests thus far haven't been sequestered and can't really re-enter the game.

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Ian (for manipulating production)
Original Airdate: 7/22/2012


LIVE FEED SPOILERS


Frank went ahead and nominated Shane and JoJo, but Shane won the Veto. Danielle is the expected replacement nominee with JoJo the expected target, but things could still change before the eviction on Thursday night. Things have definitely calmed down with Willie out of the house!

TV Review: Big Brother 14x03: Kicking Yourself in the Face

The following article contains spoilers. Reader discretion advised.

ML- It's fitting that Ian wound up on Team Boogie, because both of them to this point have been kicking themselves in the face in the game. One, Ian, has literally done this in an attempt to appear fun and likable and not weird or creepy at all. The other, Boogie, has done so by making too many ties to all the wrong people.

Boogie had a "good" thing going with Dan, in the sense that they were aligned, not in the sense that they had any control over the house this week. He screwed that up when he sold Dan out to Britney and Janelle, echoing their idea of knocking out Kara in an attempt to remove Dan from the house entirely. Everybody knows Boogie's game, his strategy, and not to trust him.

Everyone except Shane, apparently, who seems to be humoring a deal with Boogs that would keep Frank in the house in order to ensure his own safety and shift the "physical threat" target to Frank.
There's a strategic merit in making a deal with an unlikable player- if by some act of Grodner that person gains power, they won't forget your loyalty. Shane isn't all (sunburned) muscles, he's got some game, too.

Team Blonde Ambition, Britney and Janelle, reveled in their handling of the other coaches and newbies alike. It's great to see them working together, as both have proven to be die-hard gamers in this house. Boogie approached Britney to sniff out whether she and Janie were working together, which Brit handled perfectly. Boogie threatened, however, that if Joe from Team Janelle wasn't nominated after the Veto was used, "the line would be drawn". Neither she nor Janelle succumbed to Boogie's meddling, and it appears their bond was strengthened because of it. Their players took a backseat this episode, something I'm sure many die-hard fans may not care for, but those watching for familiar faces loved all of the coach talk this week.

Before the PoV challenge, we saw Shane consider deals with both Frank and Kara if he were to win, so it was pretty obvious that he'd take the gold in the competition. The gold in question amounted to only $1.30, the amount of oversized change the house guests had to locate in a big, bubbly laundromat set and toss into their coin slot. JoJo, the host for this competition, said where she comes from she knows a thing or two about laundering, but I'd bet she knows more about putting things in coin slots. ZZZZIIIIIINGGG!!

It was neck-and-neck-and-neck between Frank, Shane and Willie, while Wil, Kara and Danielle quickly fell behind. It came down to a matter of seconds as Shane narrowly defeated teammate Willie for the first PoV of the season, injuring his back in the process. Of course, the teammates did a happy dance in the HoH room after the victory and weighed their options. Shane, however, was adamant about playing his own game.

He made the smart decision to keep blood off of his hands and let the chips fall as they may by not playing the Power of Veto. Now it's Frank vs. Kara (or, Boogie vs. Dan) tomorrow night as one houseguest is evicted, live. Personally, I'd like to see Frank stay, considering he was my pick in the premiere to win it all, but that inherent likability/"winningness" quality is so palpable that it will not sit with the other competitors in the house. It all comes down to who the bigger threat is: Frank or Dan.

What did you think of the episode? Whose accent attempt was better, Danielle's or JoJo's? Do you have any hidden talents that double as metaphors for your Big Brother coach's poor gameplay? Who do you want to go home this week? Hit the comments to share your opinions, ya'll!

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 7/18/2012


Note: Like every other sane individual, I'll be going to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight tomorrow, and may not have the Big Brother recap post up immediately following the episode (or the Louie review, for that matter). It'll go up at some point! In the meantime, keep calm, carry on, and go see Christian Bale kick some mumbly butt.

SPOILERY LIVE FEED UPDATE SPONSORED BY FROOT LOOPS AND DIGIORNO
Basically, every cross-team alliance created thus far in the show has been nullified. Everyone on Team Janelle has now aligned with Team Boogie, forming the "Diversity" alliance. Many have also begun showing their jealousy of Janelle, including Britney, Wil and Ashley.

Britney told Willie about her suspicions of the Coaches entering the game. Afterwards, Willie called all 11 newbies in the house together to share that information and create a mob mentality against the coaches.

Willie mocked Wil's effeminate voice and mannerisms to Frank, who told people about it and, by the time it got back to Wil, the story was that he used a homophobic slur. This prompted an actual racial slur from Willie(directed towards nobody of that race), all of which came to a head when Willie and Frank had a blow-up in the backyard. Shocker!

As for who is going home, it all rests on the shoulders of the most unlikely contestant- Ashley. She's not sold on the Diversity alliance, which is targeting Kara to save Frank. Right now, if she sides with Diversity, it will be 5-3 Kara going home. If she joins with the other side (Willie offered a F3 with JoJo and Ashley), it'll force a tie, and Willie will surely send newfound enemy Frank home. As fast as things have been changing, it's anyone's guess what will happen tomorrow night.

In terms of HoH, Dan is advising his girls to throw the competition to keep targets off of their backs in this BB bloodbath. They're all expecting a quick, true/false style HoH. If that's the case, anybody can win.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x02: Willie or Won't He?

ML- It's ironic that one of the most talked-about people in the Big Brother house this season isn't actually in the house, but rather is the Big Brother of someone playing! HoH Willie Hantz opened up to his alliance about his lineage to Survivor's Russell, a smart move given they look exactly alike and lying about it would paint him in a bad light.

Appearances and accents aside, Willie doesn't remind me anything of Russell. He's not cocky at all, and actually shows some vulnerability. He understands it's a social game, something Russell never gathered. Most of all, he's likable, and doesn't proclaim how wonderful he is or speak in the third person.

ANY QUESTIONS? ANY QUESTIONS? No? No.

Speaking of wonderful, did you know Jenn played in an all-female heavy metal band? Because she hasn't mentioned that at all to anyone or the camera.

We got a lot of Ian being a creeper tonight, something I frankly don't understand. I'm not saying I haven't fantasized about crawling under the couches in the BB house, or spanking myself with spatulas and passing gas in pink underwear, but given the opportunity I wouldn't actually do any of those things. I'd rock a green banana hammock like Wil, obviously. Big Brother is a social game, and Ian seems to have no social awareness whatsoever. I think he and Russell would be a

The coaches took sides, with Boogie offering a chance to "Will it up" to Dan, referring to his infamous partner from seasons past Dr. Will, and not Willie or Wil, the people actually in the house. Can we at least cast some people with different names next year? Either that have a house full of Mikes- myself included. Dan warily agreed to the pact.

Janelle and Britney, however, were onto the boys' plan and quickly formed their own mega-alliance. They actually included their contestants in this plan, something Dan and Boogie didn't seem to do. I give props to Janie and Brit for organizing this so quickly, as it appears to have a strong backbone.

Willie did some strategizing with the house, and his encounter with Frank had a lasting impression on him, at least enough to merit a confessional. He found him threatening, but also trustworthy. Frank felt the same, as he told Boogie he felt his chances of being nominated were 1 out of 10.

Julie introduced a brand new competition to the house- Coach's Comp, which gives the winning coach the power to save one of their house guests from being nominated or backdoored that week. This is a great twist, in my opinion, that really integrates the coaches with the house guests.

The competition was a derby-style horserace that borrowed from a classic Survivor challenge done in Seasons 10, 13, 17 and probably others: Two contestants run in the same direction around a track until one catches the other and "tags" them, or in this scenario, pulls the tail off of their horse. Big Brother may be the most strategic game in the world, but it's competitions sure are the stupidest.

Boogie won his heat against Britney "Strength of a 6-Month Old" Haynes, and Dan threw his race against Janelle to keep the heat off of Danielle and Kara. The BB: All-Stars rivalry came to a head in the final round, which Boogie dominated, giving him the power to grant someone safety.

He chose Ian, who spends all of his time bouncing on a ball in the pool rather than actually talking to people. Is it a smart move? Perhaps, as it grants someone on his team safety, but it puts pressure on Frank and ROCKSTAR Jenn by the HoH. Good for Ian, though. Maybe he can learn not to creep on the girls in the shower and start talking to them at dinner? One can only hope.

Each coach also had to pick 1 Have Not from their team, and Shane, Danielle, Ashley and Ian were chosen to eat slop and sleep on the terribly uncomfortable-looking beds. I don't think the Coaches Comp winner should have had to pick a Have Not, but regardless, it's a good way to put people from different groups in a room together.

Britney, Janelle and Willie had a pow-wow and determined Boogie and Dan's MVPs are Frank and Kara and it might be smart to attack them at the jugular early on. Boogie suggested Willie nominate JOE, WHO HAS STOLEN DAN'S STATUS AS DIARY ROOM SCREAMER AND COOKS TOO MUCH DAMN FOOD.

In the end, Willie stuck by his alliance and put up Kara and Frank. Both of these players look like great players and threats down the road, so it's huge for Willie to have targeted them so soon. Will it bite Willie in the butt if Frank manages to save himself and gets revenge for their broken agreement? Anything can happen in the Big Brother house!

Episode MVP: Willie Hantz
Episode Grade: B
Original Airdate: 7/15/2012


SPOILERS AHEAD: LIVE FEED RECAP!
It's hard to believe but it's Day 9 in the house, and the PoV ceremony has already been concluded! Here's what's been going down:
-Shane won PoV, in a competition that had to do with sliding around (Shane and Frank scuffed themselves up) and collecting exact change and throwing it into something. The players chosen by draw were Wil, Shane and Danielle.
-Shane planned not to use the Veto, as it would put his alliance in a bad position and he wants either Kara or Frank out anyway.
-Ian has weirded everyone out in the house, from quacking like a duck to kicking himself in the face. Many on Britney and Janelle's teams are convinced he's America's Player.
-The Have-Not room has been brutal for those sleeping in it. Ashley and Shane both hurt their backs.
-Britney and Janelle have had private discussions about the possibility of entering the game at some point. It doesn't seem like they know this for sure, but they surely expect it as a possibility.
-Wil, Britney and Janelle are all very close and are planning a "girls alliance" with Ashley and JoJo.
-The gameplay has been harder than ever thanks to the coaches' presence. Dan has been telling Kara and Danielle what to do and who to talk to, as they can't even think for themselves. Britney has surprised me by how good of a coach she has been, constantly playing the game for her people. Boogie seems disappointed with his people, as Ian needs coaching in basic social skills and Jenn is a creep. Janelle has given good advice to Wil and Ashley, but not so much Joe that I've seen. Joe's plan is to stick by Wil.
-Boogie has alienated everyone in the house, and even Frank is telling people he wants no part in listening to Boogie. Boog did have a point today when he called out the messy girls on not cleaning, as now they've got tons of ants.
-Danielle is super into Shane and apparently is here for a showmance. Shane is going to use her but has no feelings for her (or so he says to his alliance).
-Kara has been super paranoid and trying to talk to people, while Frank has been quietly trying to make alliances.
-As of right now, it's still unclear who is going home. Jenn and Ian will vote for Kara and Danielle will vote for Frank, but the rest of the house plans on voting together. They're torn between booting Kara in order to systematically get rid of Danielle next week so that Dan is gone for good from the game, and kicking out Frank, who knows the game very well, is a major threat (he nearly won the PoV) and has been making the same deals to Britney and Janelle. At this point, it could still go either way, but HoH Willie wants Kara out because he feels if she wins HoH she'll only come after him and Shane, whereas Frank would also target Wil. Britney wants Frank out, as he isn't keeping his word.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x01: Cruel Summer

ML- To paraphrase the great Janelle Pierzina, "Hi hi, bitches!" Welcome to America's favorite guilty pleasure life consumer, Big Brother, which began its 14th season with a bang- that bang being the sound of Jodi's face smacking against the animatronic bed over and over again.

The game has already taken an incredibly drastic change with the addition of four legendary (Copyright Barney Stinson, CBS) coaches to guide the noobs through the game, which is a good thing because it seems as though none of them have watched much Big Brother in the past. These coaches will be playing their own game; whoever mentors someone to victory will pocket $100,000 of their own.
The coaches are: Mike "Boogie" Malin, BB2 & BB7, Janelle Pierzina, BB6 & BB7, Dan Gheesling, BB10 and Britney Haynes, BB12.

I'd say the first three choices were spot-on, but the addition of Britney nearly ruins the plan. Despite being a diary room goddess and one of the funniest house guests in history, she (admittedly) played terribly last time and shouldn't have been considered as a mentor over the likes of Jun, Danielle or Dani Donato. Hell, even RACHEL would have been better at mentoring, but Britney proved tonight that she's at least going to give the other coaches a run for their money.

Before we continue (or should I say BUT FIRST) let's go over the 12 newbies and quick first impressions of them from their awful, fake "key finding" packages.

FRANK- Frank is unemployed, something Jodi was 98% sure was a lie. Unfortunately, the margin of error tonight was 1.9%, or something. Ian would probably explain it better. Anyway, Frank is a BB super fan who doesn't fit the stereotypical BB super fan mold, a dangerous combination for the rest of the house. Frank was the first choice to join TEAM BOOGIE.


DANIELLE- My first thought was "Jordan 2.0", which isn't a bad thing at all. She's cute and has that southern drawl that makes everyone seem just an ounce more likable (unless your last name is Hantz). She decided to lie about her job, saying she's a kindergarden teacher rather than admitting to being a nursing student. A risky move, as it'll be easy to slip up while in the house for so long and instantly lose  people's trust. Danielle was a second round pick for TEAM DAN.


SHANE- He flips houses for a living, so I can't wait to hear all the puns of him "flipping" the house around once he gets on the block. I don't expect that to take too long, as his physicality and apparent lack of strategic game will make him a prime target for some early nominations. So of course, he was the first pick for TEAM BRITNEY.

JODI- "Too normal", my reality TV-addled brain warned as she came upon my screen. She doesn't have perfect features or a perfect body. How did she manage to sneak into the house and fool everyone, even the great and powerful Chenbot? Despite that (or perhaps because of it) she came across as down to earth and eager to play, which, in the Big Brother world, gets you picked last of everyone, ending up on TEAM DAN.

IAN- Ian and Cochran from Survivor were probably in the same pile of applications sorted at CBS, as both fit the stereotypical "nerd" slot. Unlike Cochran, Ian may be getting some action soon, as Ashley has showed interest in him, because he "wears glasses." Girl really knows how to pick 'em. His excitement at the sight of Boogie, Dan and Janelle made me smile, as it's exactly how I'd be if put in the house. Except I wear contacts, so I'd have no shot at an Ashley showmance, so I guess he knows what he's doing. He was the second choice for TEAM BOOGIE.

WIL- With 1 L. Guys. 1 L. There's already a Willie, this is Wil. Jeez. The "Southern gay" (who was an American Idol reject that I actually remember) tried making a hair alliance with Frank within seconds of entering the house. He could be a very up-front player, which makes for great TV, but often doesn't lead to the big bucks. Hopefully he will find some great tutelage as first pick under TEAM JANELLE.

JOJO- Or should I say JowwJoww, BB's answer to the Jersey Shore stereotype (because we have all forgotten Enzo, yes? Yes.) She's from Staten Island and there to do New York proud, whatever that means. My expectations for her as a player are low, so I hope she gets drunk and fights with Janelle a lot. She was the final pick for TEAM BRITNEY.

WILLIE HANTZ- Yes, Russell's brother. No, he probably won't win, unless producer Allison Grodner deems it fitting, then which case he absolutely will. He's actually a lot more likable than Russell, but everybody was onto him within minutes (Ian gave it a 99.9% certainty rating- nice going, Ian!) but he's still trying to play dumb. Absolutely foolish, he should own up and say he's nothing like Russell, because literally, I thought it was Russell when he stood outside the door. Actually, since he's taller, it looked like Russell standing on a smaller Hantz' s shoulders. Brush that Hantz off yo' shoulder, Willie, and do TEAM BRITNEY proud!

KARA- The Playboy model has many assets that will help her succeed in this game, but unfortunately, they're out for everyone to see. I'm pointing to her boobies. She's dated rockstars in the past, so all I have to say is: Haaaaave you met Jenn? (Copyright: Barney Stinson, CBS). She's looking for a showmance, which has benefitted BB girls the past few seasons, so perhaps she's got more going on than we've all seen on NSFW sites? Now we know why she was chosen for TEAM DAN.


JOE- The chef, who only made it into the house because another contestant quit, doesn't seem to be someone who can relax and chill with all of the young kids in the house. Cooking is a good skill to have, however, and his age could also be a benefit if they deem him as out of his physical prime. Hopefully he can find strengths from his qualities and be a good player for TEAM JANELLE.

JENN- The tattooed rockstar says she's either loved or despised, which means she'll probably go sooner rather than later in the house. People want to put up people that the majority of people are against, to seem like less of a bad guy. If half the house hates Jenn, it'll be easy to find the numbers to oust her. Can her personality shine through the unique appearance enough to form strong bonds? That's a task for her mentor on TEAM BOOGIE.

ASHLEY- The mobile spray tanner has a personality disconnect that I noticed with Porsche last year- everything she says seems staged or scripted or fake. Maybe it's just her weird baby voice? Is the house really going to be "yummy"? I don't think so. Hopefully her mentor, a friend of Porsche's, can direct her in the right way on TEAM JANELLE.


So there we have it, 12 people on 4 teams- except by the end of the night, Julie warns, one of them would be leaving. Bonkers.

The challenge is different from a regular Big Brother competition: The team that comes in first will let their mentor choose one of them to be HoH, and the team that comes in last will force its mentor to eliminate someone that night. This twist definitely favors Team Britney, which has arguably the two most athletic guys in the house in Willie and Shane, and takes a lot of power out of the contestants hands and into the coach's. This is not the Big Brother we all know and love, this is an exhibition match to see which coach can take down the others. I both hate and love it at the same time.

The challenge involved house guests hopping in pajamas onto spinning and bucking beds to retrieve teddy bears for their slumber party, Frogger-style. (Never thought I'd write that sentence in my life). Each houseguest had to retrieve one bear, then send one person to the other side to hit the buzzer. If, at 20 minutes in, a team had not completed, a coach could substitute another player to run the course.

The competition was pretty even throughout, with the men dominating way easier than the ladies. That didn't bode well for Team Dan, who actually seemed like a good coach (considering he is a coach in real life) but couldn't muster the same inner power that Coach Taylor could manage from his Panthers. Clear eyes, busted lips, sure to lose?

I ranked the teams as they were announced as Boogie > Dan > Janelle > Britney, and wouldn't you know it, my last place team came out on top. Physicality won out and Britney's team was able to take control of the house for week one. It'll be interesting to see who she advises her HoH to target, considering she loves Janelle as much as I do. But I'm getting ahead of myself- the other teams were neck and neck, but Dan's team played like a bunch of girls (a joke, because they all are girls, not a commentary on females in sports- have you SEEN the Williams sisters?) and, unfortunately for the Renegade himself, he placed behind both Janelle and Boogie's teams.

Brit selected Willie as her first HoH, a smart move to secure the rest of the house doesn't get into Shane or JoJo's ears about knocking the Hantz out of the game. He equate this "victory" to winning a national championship. Hear that, Olympians? Ain't nobody got nothin' on Willie Hantz!

As Dan debated his options, I came to my own conclusion- boot Jodi. Yes she's likable in a dorky kind of way, but she just doesn't belong with the rest of the fame whores in the house. And Dan agreed, sending Jodi packing as the first casualty of the summer, and weeding his team down to only Kara and Danielle.

What should Willie do? One strategy would be to pick Kara and Danielle as nominees. That way you don't piss off any other coaches and are one step closer to ridding Dan from the house. Or does he go after bigger threats like Frank and Ian on Team Boogie? I'm ecstatic to see how this twist plays out, and especially to see what "new power" will be introduced into the game. Also, what's the over-under on when the mentors can enter the game as actual house guests? I love the idea of Janelle having no consequences of getting into drunk fights with everyone, but it'd be much sweeter to se her finally walk away with the oversized check.

Well, that's it for me this week! Before I go, I'll begin with this BB blog's tradition: player most likely to win it all and player most likely to go home next.

Most Likely to Leave Next: Danielle
Most Likely to Win It All: Frank


Another note: I will be watching the live feeds and Big Brother: After Dark this year, so this may be the first night where spoilers don't come into play in the reviews. I'll try to limit conversation to only CBS info and maybe use the end for spoiler-y discussion? If you care at all, let me know in the comments! Hope you guys keep reading, it's going to be a long, fun summer!

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina
Original Airdate: 7/12/2012