TV Review: Big Brother 14x13: What a Douchebag

ML- I have two apologies to make before I get started: One, this is extremely delayed, on account of having to travel to Los Angeles for the semester. Two, the Veto episode review was extremely emotionally-charged on account of being so angry at the move.

I truly feel as though I've gone through the 5 stages of grief with the Janelle elimination.

First was Denial: The reports were wrong. Janelle wasn't the target. She wouldn't go home over Frank.

Then Anger: aka the 14x12 review.

Bargaining: The "Save Janelle" campaign and all the pleading to Alison Grodner and the production to save her.

Depression: I was literally in a funk the night of the eviction.

Acceptance: Now, I'd say I've come to terms with it all.

All in all, Danielle made a bad move. She should have put personal feelings aside and formed a 6-person with Dan, Shane, Britney, Ian and Janelle. Frank and Boogie are too strong, too flaky and will not forget her and Dan's earlier betrayals.

Instead, she removed someone from the house who had no allies. Boogie totally took over her HoH, and I have to respect him and Frank for it.

The best part of the episode, which will surely be remembered for years to come, were Janelle's comments to Boogie's obnoxious goodbye message.

"He's such a loser!"

"What a douchebag."

"Screw you, Mike Boogie."

Janie put her backing behind Dan, because she loves him, but felt Boogie was too much of a threat to win it all. I'd put my backing behind both of them, as well as Dr. Will's pick Ian and my original pick (who I shouldn't have strayed from) Frank.

The next HoH competition, Battle of the Bands, was "knockouts"-style where two people would identify the challenge described in the lame original song.

The order of elimination was Jenn, Joe, Wil, Shane, Ashley, Dan, Boogie and Ian, leaving Britney and Frank for the final round. Frank beat Britney, further proving the point that Danielle made a dumb move.

How will Frank's HoH week go? Find out in the next blog, which should be up later tonight!

Pick to Win: Frank

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina (Screw You, Mike Boogie)
Original Airdate: 08/09/12

TV Review: Big Brother 14x12: Nasty Southern Belles Go to Hell

ML- There's no point trying to even play like I'm unbiased when it comes to Big Brother. Nobody involved is- Grodner, the players, the fans. So I feel comfortable saying I'm pissed off at how this week's backdoor went down.

If you only watched the episode, it probably made sense. But if you were a live feed viewer, you saw a lot more information that paints the remaining houseguests in a different light.

Like Danielle. If I ever met her I would probably curse her out. She talked so much trash about Janelle this week with people who have talked even more trash about Danielle in the past. She, Britney and Wil are the cattiest of BB players and I can't wait for all of them to get their comeuppance. And, again, when they do and rejoin the Twitterverse, I will be sure to express my discontent with them.

Did Janelle make a blunder worthy of her certainly early eviction? Possibly. If you watch the live feeds, she didn't actually pause for so long and give no response after Boogie threw out the possibility of evicting Joe. She paused, then agreed to lose Joe. However, that would paint Boogie and Dan in a negative light, and the editors need to spin this as positively as possible against Janelle to keep the fans watching. And all I have to say is bullshit.

Many alliances were formed tonight, from the Quack Pack (Danielle/Dan/Britney/Shane/Ian) to the "Avengers"-like Silent Six (Danielle/Dan/Britney/Shane/Boogie/Frank). If you watch the feeds you know another alliance, TiTs, was formed, compsed of Wil/Ashley/Jenn/Joe. It's sad that at this point, with Janelle out of every alliance, my support doesn't go behind her players, but rather the ones who had to fight desperately to keep themselves in against her (read: Mike and Frank.)

I won't comment on the scripted DR session with Frank, Boogie and Ian. All I will say about Danielle is that she;s lucky she positioned herself into a showmance so that Grodner has a reason to portray her positively, because all of the bitter, bitchy, petty, literally CRAZY talk she's shown on the feeds has painted her in the exact opposite light. She doesn't understand how badly everyone, including Shane, has spoken of her in the past. 

I will praise Dan, Boogie and Frank, though. If Janelle can't make it to the end of this game and finally win, I hope one of these three deserving players will do so. Joe, Ashley, Wil and Jenn are four of the most worthless players to enter the house, Britney and Danielle are some of the most personally-affected people to play. Danielle ruined her HoH by adding an unneeded target on herself by saving the life of her main target, who was shown saying how little he thinks of her and will surely win and nominate her down the line, when Janelle had much bigger fish to fry. Danielle overcompensated this week, like she has done in her "relationship" attempts with Shane, in her attempts to feel important, powerful and gain acceptance. She may have done so temporarily with other players in the house, but I guarantee she will never be beloved like Janelle or Jordan, who I compared her to a few weeks ago.

We got to see a rehashed Veto of contestants trading prizes as they are eliminated. In the end, Shane got a veto ticket, Jenn a Maui vacation, Wil $5,000, Ian the life of a dog for 24 hours, Frank a Spirit-tard and Danielle the Veto. Thanks to some carftiness by Boogie and Frank, Danielle agreed to spare her target and nominate Janelle, only after Dan gave her the go-ahead when he felt she couldn't be trusted.

I fully expect Janelle to exit the house tomorrow night. It would be stupid for them to keep her around, obviously, and she has no real allies. Janie represented the pre-Grodner era where competitions could be won without any "help" and twists from America didn't come around at the most convenient times. That being said, Janelle had 3 surviving mentees that showed her no respect, perhaps because they didn't feel they got any from her. Personally, I think they were all ungrateful, Janellous bitches who will  get their asses handed to them by the majority alliance in the coming weeks.

So Viva la Silent Six, though it is no equal to the Sovereign Six of BB6 history (Janelle, Howie, Rachel, James, Sarah and Kaysar, for the forgetful ones out there). You've gotten rid of the biggest threat who had the least amount of allies and solidified yourselves as asses to the fans. Can't wait to see a 12th-place finisher win fan favorite over all of you.

Episode Grade: A- (Editing wise, well done for what they wanted to tell, not for what happened).

Episode MVP: Mike Boogie 

Original Airdate: 08/08/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x11: Bouncing Checks

ML- Boogie called it last week, as we were reminded at the end of the "Previously on Big Brother" segment- this is Big Brother, you can bounce checks. When the nominations were revealed, one person was upset his key wasn't pulled, and another was upset that his was. Pretty crazy result to one of the craziest twists in BB history.

The endurance challenge (which I live-updated in last Thursday's blog) was a doozy, as they contestants not only had to hold onto bars and stand on planks at an angle, but they had to do so with freezing cold water pouring down on them and seagull poop splattering on their faces.

Historically, women and smaller guys have faired better in this type of challenge, and that proved the same tonight. The order of dropping out went: Boogie (strategic to appear weak), Jenn (too cold for her Puerto Rican blood), Joe, Ashley, Dan (also to appear weak, which Wil didn't buy), Frank, Wil (who made a deal with Danielle for safety), Shane and Janelle. I was surprised Janie didn't hold out longer, but I guess the 8 years since her original season have taken their toll on her.

The last three standing were Britney, Danielle and Ian. Thanks to a coach session from Dan and Britney and Ian's willingness to jump for safety, Danielle outlasted the others, giving us our first female HoH of the summer. Not only did she get a hug from Dan, she also got a big kiss from Shane. Somebody is finally realizing how much it pays to be in a BB showmance.

The targets started popping up quickly, with Boogie, Frank and even Janelle's named being thrown around. Danielle thinks Janelle is threatened by her- I doubt that's true, I think Janelle just has a harder time pretending to like Danielle than the rest of the house (Britney included) who bashed her non-stop on the feeds a few weeks ago.

Boogie and Frank tried stirring things up after Dan, in the heat of the Reset button action, told them Frank was the target in order to gain some favor of Boogie's. This basically backfired, as Boogie didn't trust Dan for not telling him when it would have mattered. Though Britney and tried to deny it, Dan admits to them he messed up and told Boogie the plan.

Dan used his allegiance with Danielle to veer her off the path of nominating coaches and instead thought she should nominate Wil and Frank. She agreed, until Wil reminded her that she promised him he wouldn't go home this week.

So what was she to do? Stick with the plan and get Frank and Wil up? Or honor the deal and send Janelle or Boogie up instead? She bounced her check and nominated Wil as a pawn against Frank, who has narrowly escaped too many evictions this summer already. Can he do it again?

Boogie, meanwhile, was insulted that she didn't nominate him when she had the chance. Don't get too cocky, buddy, there's still a veto to be played for!

If you want to know the veto competition results, keep reading below! If not, go check out some of our other articles.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Danielle Murphree
Original Airdate: 8/5/2012





LIVE FEED SPOILERS
The Veto was the yankee swap one done in seasons past, where whoever places higher in a competition can open a box and either keep the prize or trade it for an opened prize.
The prizes went as follows:
Frank got stuck in a "Spirit-tard", a unitard with pom-poms. He hates wearing it and has been lax keeping it on. Could he get a penalty vote?
Wil got $5,000 cash
Jenn got a vacation, which Ian traded away
Ian got a punishment of being dressed like a dog for 24 hours. He has to sleep in a doghouse and have someone holding his leash if he ever goes anywhere.
Shane got a Veto pass, allowing him to play in a future veto
Danielle got the Veto this week

There has been much discussion of backdooring Janelle. Danielle hates her, Brit is sick of her, Boogie and Frank are all for it. However, Dan is still adamant about keeping the target off of the coaches, so as of right now, the veto probably won't be used and Frank will go home. The veto ceremony is tomorrow so things can still change by then!

TV Review: Big Brother 14x10: Tears of Ploy

ML- I didn't expect to be shocked by the decision tonight, but boy, am I surprised.

It all started off with Shane making either the biggest or the stupidest move of the game in nominating Frank. Britney said it was the only move that would keep Frank from winning the half-a-million bucks. It was smart of him, no doubt, and he was even smarter to play it as if he had no intention of eliminating Frank.

Boogie had a great line after Ian justified not committing to Britney- "This is Big Brother. You can bounce checks." Actually, all the coaches (minus Britney, who barely counted in the first place) had some good advice to future Big Brother contestants everywhere- don't let your emotions get in the way of your game.

Janelle was shown to be an amazing gamebot, never sad, never happy, always in game mode. She shed that to deal with the Wil situation- as she gave him some advice for the endurance competition, Wil took it as her condescending him. Basically, he came off as totally bitchy and ungrateful for her giving him safety this week. She should have traded him to Dan and been done with it.

Wil talked to Joe who talked to Ashley who talked to Janelle who talked to Wil about it, and cried some fake tears to get Wil to trust her again. He followed suit, calling her bluff but telling the camera he still didn't trust her. She's going to have to watch her back if she wants to make it by unscathed.

Dan, too, told his player Danielle to be cutthroat and leave all things Shane out of the picture. I don't think she's going to be able to do that, which makes it good for Dan that this twist came about when it did. I also have to applaud Dan for lying so low in the grass these past few weeks. There truly are some great, diversified players among the coaches.

The segment spent on Frank's daddy issues with who appeared to be Mickey Rourke's inspiration for The Ram in The Wrestler didn't offer much insight, but set the stage for a Celebrity Big Brother if they ever come calling. Imagine the fight between Sid Vicious and Russell Hantz? Ratings gold.

Finally, twist time. We all knew "America" would be inviting the coaches to enter the game, and obviously at least one of them would press the "Reset" button. But the rest of the ramifications came out like a ton of bricks. If nobody pressed reset, some sequestered houseguests would be given the opportunity to return to the game. If anybody did, there would be no vote, and Joe, Frank, Shane, all the coaches and the rest of the bunch could play in the endurance HoH.

America was in. Britney was in. Dan and Janie were in. It didn't matter that Boogie passed it up, he knew at least one of the others would subscribe. And just like that, Frank was spared another week.

Now we're left with 12 players in the beginning of Week 4, and I couldn't be more excited. All the coaches are in it to win it, as are Frank, Shane and Ian. Wil has potential, but after his diva-like antics tonight, he's not making any friends. Danielle is trying, but she can only pull a Jordan-like win, and she's nowhere near as likable as Jordan. Jenn is a non-entity.

Was this whole coach scenario an excuse to give some of the favorites a few weeks of safety before entering the house? Absolutely. Do I care? Not one bit. It turned the game way more strategic, and will make things even more complicated now that coaches and players are all in the same league. I can't wait to see how it all plays out!

Winner Prediction: Janelle (she's got a huge target, but if anyone can overcome it, it's my Jedi Janie)
Next Evicted Prediction: Mike Boogie

I'll update the Live Feed section for a little while longer tonight then post the endurance winner tomorrow. As of 11:30, only three people have dropped off. This could be a long night, folks.

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina
Original Airdate: 08/02/2012


LIVE FEED SPOILERS



By 11:00 PM, Jenn, Boogie and Joe were all out of the competition. Everyone else is still hanging in there. I'll update until I fall asleep!
11:42PM Ashley falls out
11:44PM Dan gives up and leaps off
12:07AM Frank falls off after much struggling
12:36AM Shane and Wil jump off together. How cute.
12:40AM Janelle is out
1:08AM Ian drops, guaranteed safety from Danielle and Brit
1:09AM Britney drops, guaranteed safety from Danielle
HOH GOES TO DANIELLE

TV Review: Big Brother 14x09: Keep Calm and Kiss Ass

ML- Britney and Shane mocked Janelle's players and couldn't wait to kick one of them out of the house. By the end of the episode, it seems as though all of them will survive into next week. How'd they manage to pull that one off?

Much of their success can be attributed to Ian, whose inability to commit to saving Shane next week sent Britney into a frenzy and turned the target back onto Frank. But Janie and Joe did their own share of the work, the former offering her wedding ring and Chanel earrings as collateral, the latter making weird metaphors to rock climbers and the president.

Joe was not happy to be up basically only because he's Janelle's player, though his personality obviously didn't help his case. Janelle wouldn't let her people freak out, nor would she let them give Shane or Britney an ounce of breathing room during the week. Ass kissing, though embarrassing, is a good strategy in Big Brother. Wil claimed he doesn't want to be known as an ass kisser, and there is absolutely no joke to be made there. Joe tried his best, but obviously, gentle tones and smooth deliveries are not his strong suits.

The Veto was similar to one in BB13, except this time instead of Greek gods and goddesses, the contestants were dressed in clown suits. They had to run to keep two balls off the ground as they rolled  up slanted paths. Once you dropped a ball, you were out.

The competition went pretty quickly tonight, as Wil, Joe, Frank and Danielle fell out, leaving only Shane and Ashley. Shane defeated the klutzy Ashley to score his third straight veto, probably sending past all-time veto champs Janelle and James Rhine into panic mode. Is he the Michael Phelps of Vetoes?

It was then do or die time for Joe and Team Janelle, as they made as many offers as possible to get Boogie and his people out of the house. I've got to hand it to Janelle, she really does hustle to get her way in the house. Along with Ian's slip up, Shane and Brit decided to explain the backdoor to Frank in a way he might not expect to go home. It didn't work 100% as planned, but at least there wasn't a big blow-up- yet.

Britney likened Boogie and Frank to a dragon and its head- are we getting some more Survivor cross-over here with Coach? Is this all one big elaborate ploy to get Big Brother fans used to hearing "coach" and "dragon" so next season they can do a BB/Survivor mash-up? I'd truly dig that.

Tomorrow night we'll see if the coaches enter the game (they probably will) and who goes home, Frank or Joe (if they're smart it'll be Frank, but I can't stand listening to Joe's confessionals anymore). If Frank does go home, I'll be looking for a new Winner Pick. Leave me your suggestions in the comments below!

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina & Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 8/1/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x08: Janie Got Back

ML- It takes quick tongue work to survive each week in the BB house, and Janelle proved she had the right stuff, knocking the Coaches Competition out of the park and foiling Shane's plan of taking out her most threatening competitor, Wil. 

Shane struck back, though, by going against Britney and Danielle's wishes of spreading out the pain to one member of Janie's team and one of Boogie's, and instead he stuck both Joe and Ashley on the block, both members of Team Janelle.

Britney was drunk with power, and rightfully so, after he last man standing took the most powerful seat in the house. She watched as her protege formed a final 2 pact with Danielle of Dan's team. Little did she know, however, he was also plotting things with Frank over on Team Boogie. Shane isn't anchoring himself to Britney, a good decision on his part, but having her be so out of the loop doesn't bode well if she ever does enter the game.

When Joe cooked Shane breakfast in bed, I was praying he would go up on the block. It's a distinct advantage in shows like Survivor and Big Brother to be able to provide quality food to the other contestants, whether you're catching fish or cooking meals. But Joe crossed the suck-up line and, as Boogie said, entered into "patheticness" territory.

We also got to see Ashley at her finest- aka discussing her dream boards and how she's a modern day hippie, but it's weird because she likes rap. She's as complex as any Walter White or Don Draper, no doubt.

Not only does this show reuse challenges, twists and contestants, it also finds small moments to carry over from season to season. The one I noticed tonight was Jenn's discussion of her sexuality with Danielle, a southerner. They had a similar scene with LaWon and Jordan last year, and as I recently watched BB8 I noticed the same thing with Dustin and Kail. Look at BB, breaking down barriers one southern belle at a time.

The Coaches Challenge was tons of fun this week: Feel the Burn, where whoever did the most reps of a certain exercise in a given time while wearing ridiculous 80s workout costumes would win, while the losers could choose consolation prizes in their lockers.

First was a booty scoot that didn't flatter any of the contestants. Britney came in last and gave out have-not status to Ian (who volunteered again, all part of a strategy to accept as much punishment willingly so that he may avoid it later) and Joe.

Next was a hip-shakin challenge that Janie dominated, knocking Boogie out. He won $10,000 to divide between himself and 2 players in the ratios of 6:3:1. He took the largest chunk, and gave Ian and Jenn the rest, respectively. Ian cried, thinking $3,000 was more money than he'd ever seen.

Finally, the tongue trainer, which Janelle again took easily against Dan. Poor Dan got called Kermit Seacrest by Dr. Will last week and now got his kissing skills made fun of by Boogie. It wasn't all bad for him, as he got to invite 5 other houseguests to a cocktail party. He (wisely) chose the other coaches, Danielle and Shane. 

Janelle saved Wil, which, as I said above, forced him to nominate the rest of her team, but not before a last-minute talk with Britney got cut off by the calls to the DR, leading to some genuine drama in the house. I saw one former BB player tweet that this was designed to keep Britney from convincing Shane to put up Frank. If so, it worked.

Frank is sure he's safe with Shane- will that be the case, or is a backdoor in the works? We'll find out Wednesday night! Until then, enjoy your salmon and Froot Loops.

Episode Grade: B+

Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina

Original Airdate: 7/29/2012

SPOILERS AHEAD, READERS BEWARE!!

The Veto has been played, and it went to Shane, who is 3 for 3 in Veto competitions thus far. He used it, shockingly, to save Ashley and nominate Frank. As the votes stand right now, Wil/Ashley will vote for Frank to go, Jenn/Ian will vote for Joe, leaving Danielle as the deciding vote. Will she side with the showmance or take the game into her own hands? We'll find out Thursday, when the coaches are expected to be entering the game!

TV Review: Big Brother 14x07: Caught in a Bad Showmance

ML- I think everyone watching last night knew who was going to win that HoH competition. It didn't seem like the type of thing that could be rigged in anyone's favor, but everyone I talked to was certain that one person would walk away with the key to the bedroom, and sure enough, Shane proved them right.

He went from being in the dominant alliance to nominated to Veto holder to power again. He survived Danielle's revenge after Ian blabbed about his and JoJo's awkward semi-flirting in the Have Not room. He lost two allies this week, but gained some others with Frank and Boogie and will surely flip the house once again.

The eviction was a no-brainer, as JoJo did her best to show everyone how she fights with her heart, ya know? And she's just gotta be her, Staten Island all the way baby. That was my best JoJo impression, but Britney surely knocked that out of the guacamole with her own of JoJo's "I knows". Britney may be a mediocre coach but her diary rooms are pure gold.

We also got a visit from Dr. Will this week. Confession time: I've never seen a second of either of Dr. Will's seasons. I know, I know, I can't be a super fan without seeing the man who mastered this game, but I'm doing my best, you know? I'm too busy fighting my heart out. But really, I'll get around to BB2 and BBAS eventually.

From his totally unbiased opinion, he predicted good things for Boogie and ripped on Mr. Kermit Seacrest Dan for being blinded by boobies, Britney for letting her players get violent and Janie for... well, he didn't have much bad to say about her. She did enough trash talking on herself this week, between calling herself a lazy bitch and commenting on her large boobs, which apparently weigh more than "emancipated" Shane's head.

Now that Shane truly has been emancipated from the shackles of his position last week, what should he do? He's probably not going after Boogie's team or Danielle, so smart money says he puts up Wil and Joe. It'll be fun to see Team Janelle squirm a little bit!

How will this new "America's Vote" influence the game? If a coach turns down the shot to enter, will they stay or will they leave their players behind? Or will they even get a choice of deciding, with all the power going to "America". Will this eliminate Coaches Challenges from the game? Speaking of which, if Britney wins the CC this week, she has nobody to save with Shane as HoH, so can she solely hand out Have Nots? Or will she not be allowed to play? Or can she steal a player from another team? So many questions, but JoJo is still answering the first one with all of her heart.

Time for fake goodbyes! Hate me or love me, see ya'll next week and thanks for reading, you know?

Winner Prediction: Sticking with Frank Eudy
Next Evicted Prediction: Wil "Jennifer Anus-ton" Heuser (The Soup reference)

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Shane Meaney (and JoJo for the hot mess factor)
Original Airdate: 7/26/2012

No Live Feed reports this week! But it should be mentioned that Willie Hantz was arrested today for drunk driving. He's totally Jack Shepherding right now. Soon he'll be sporting a big ol' beard and yelling to JoJo "We have to go back!" And Kara will be Claire with a squirrel baby. The end.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x06: Big Three Fall Hard

ML- It doesn't take long to go from hero to zero in the BB house, as Team Britney became well aware of this week. After losing Willie Hantz to his own self-destructive ego, and the subsequent HoH win by surviving nominee Frank, Shane, JoJo and Britney were right to be shaking in their giant tortilla costumes. But, as we saw last week, you're not out in Big Brother until you walk out that front door- and even then, sometimes you move back in.

It was clear who Frank would target, but the producers did their best to add some mystery by showing Boogie's scheme of backdooring Shane rather than putting him up upfront. That wasn't a bad plan, but had he been chosen for Veto and won and saved JoJo, Frank would be getting even more blood on his hands than was necessary this week.

JoJo pleaded her case as a loyal player, basically saying she was willing to abandon all of her previous alliances and join him. Swearing on her grandmother's life wasn't enough to convince Frank, who indeed nominated the remaining Team Brit members Shane and JoJo for eviction.

Britney did her best to coach them in the right direction, but I absolutely would not want to be in her position right now. Picking some of the stronger players totally backfired on her way too fast, and Willie quitting (and the producers not ending Frank's HoH reign right there, as they did to Michele when Chima quit in BB11, I believe) has screwed Shane and JoJo over even more. Sure, they should reintegrate, decrease game talk and be friendly, but in the end, the other contestants are going to do what's best for their games, not keep who they like better.

Boogie made another great suggestion to Frank this week: nurture relationships with Shane and JoJo. One of them at least will definitely be playing for next HoH, so you want to do as much damage control as possible. I think Frank and Boogie make a good team and really hope Frank can keep straight talking' his way through the game.

Danielle wanted to be chosen for PoV really badly, so of course the BB gods denied her and instead Ian, Ashley and Wil joined the others for a date at the Big Brother Cantina. The competition involved digging through thick, margarita-themed liquid for menu items to match them to a main menu, all while wearing a giant tortilla chip costume. Once you placed all of your menus in what you thought was the correct order, ring your bell to lock in your time. Whoever had the most right in the fastest time won the PoV.

The challenge made for entertaining TV, as Wil and Frank took plenty of tumbles and Ashley proved she's either dumber than the fish in the fish tank or working a smart strategic plan of playing dumb. Based on her challenge strategy (creating meaningless mnemonics of menu item first letters) and list of qualities in a good man ("likes to eat food" stood out for me), I'd say its the former.

In the end, Shane narrowly beat Ian in a real nail-biter, and Britney hugged him in the big vat of guacamole. He and Frank quickly solidified an alliance of sorts, a smart move for the short term to keep the power players off of each other's backs. He then planned to save Danielle from certain nomination by proposing to backdoor Wil and weaken Janie's team. Frank was hesitant, afraid to open that can of worms just yet.

Dan basically released Danielle from his coaching, as he saw his affiliation a kiss of death for Jodi and Kara before her. This reminded me of Eric and Pam on True Blood, except Pam is way cooler than Danielle, who cries way too much. This is actually smart for Dan- the weaker she appears, the more time she will spend in the house over the likes of JoJo, Shane, Frank, Wil, Joe and Ian. However, she's not making any friends by moping all the time.

At the Veto Ceremony, Shane did what he had to and saved himself, and Frank did what he had to and nominated Danielle. All of the three nominees were those who voted for him to leave, and therefore he made no new enemies by putting them up. He also secured a deal with Shane thanks to Boogie's nudging. I'd say his HoH week is going a lot smoother than Willie's.

Tomorrow night, either Team Britney will be down to one member or Dan will follow Danielle out of the house. And another HoH competition will shift things up once again (I hope, as this week has been too safe. Good gameplay, bad TV). 

Episode Grade: B-

Episode MVPs: Frank Eudy & Shane Meaney

Original Airdate: 7/25/2012

LIVE FEED SPOILERS AHEAD!

Nothing major to report after last week's craziness. It looks as though JoJo will be departing tomorrow night without putting up much of a fight, thanks to Britney coaching her to lay low. Ashley has made lots of alliances with lots of people and it seems like most of them trust her. Could backfire later, but for now she's in a good position. If Shane wins HoH he wants to target Wil and Joe from Team Janelle.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x03: Kicking Yourself in the Face

The following article contains spoilers. Reader discretion advised.

ML- It's fitting that Ian wound up on Team Boogie, because both of them to this point have been kicking themselves in the face in the game. One, Ian, has literally done this in an attempt to appear fun and likable and not weird or creepy at all. The other, Boogie, has done so by making too many ties to all the wrong people.

Boogie had a "good" thing going with Dan, in the sense that they were aligned, not in the sense that they had any control over the house this week. He screwed that up when he sold Dan out to Britney and Janelle, echoing their idea of knocking out Kara in an attempt to remove Dan from the house entirely. Everybody knows Boogie's game, his strategy, and not to trust him.

Everyone except Shane, apparently, who seems to be humoring a deal with Boogs that would keep Frank in the house in order to ensure his own safety and shift the "physical threat" target to Frank.
There's a strategic merit in making a deal with an unlikable player- if by some act of Grodner that person gains power, they won't forget your loyalty. Shane isn't all (sunburned) muscles, he's got some game, too.

Team Blonde Ambition, Britney and Janelle, reveled in their handling of the other coaches and newbies alike. It's great to see them working together, as both have proven to be die-hard gamers in this house. Boogie approached Britney to sniff out whether she and Janie were working together, which Brit handled perfectly. Boogie threatened, however, that if Joe from Team Janelle wasn't nominated after the Veto was used, "the line would be drawn". Neither she nor Janelle succumbed to Boogie's meddling, and it appears their bond was strengthened because of it. Their players took a backseat this episode, something I'm sure many die-hard fans may not care for, but those watching for familiar faces loved all of the coach talk this week.

Before the PoV challenge, we saw Shane consider deals with both Frank and Kara if he were to win, so it was pretty obvious that he'd take the gold in the competition. The gold in question amounted to only $1.30, the amount of oversized change the house guests had to locate in a big, bubbly laundromat set and toss into their coin slot. JoJo, the host for this competition, said where she comes from she knows a thing or two about laundering, but I'd bet she knows more about putting things in coin slots. ZZZZIIIIIINGGG!!

It was neck-and-neck-and-neck between Frank, Shane and Willie, while Wil, Kara and Danielle quickly fell behind. It came down to a matter of seconds as Shane narrowly defeated teammate Willie for the first PoV of the season, injuring his back in the process. Of course, the teammates did a happy dance in the HoH room after the victory and weighed their options. Shane, however, was adamant about playing his own game.

He made the smart decision to keep blood off of his hands and let the chips fall as they may by not playing the Power of Veto. Now it's Frank vs. Kara (or, Boogie vs. Dan) tomorrow night as one houseguest is evicted, live. Personally, I'd like to see Frank stay, considering he was my pick in the premiere to win it all, but that inherent likability/"winningness" quality is so palpable that it will not sit with the other competitors in the house. It all comes down to who the bigger threat is: Frank or Dan.

What did you think of the episode? Whose accent attempt was better, Danielle's or JoJo's? Do you have any hidden talents that double as metaphors for your Big Brother coach's poor gameplay? Who do you want to go home this week? Hit the comments to share your opinions, ya'll!

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 7/18/2012


Note: Like every other sane individual, I'll be going to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight tomorrow, and may not have the Big Brother recap post up immediately following the episode (or the Louie review, for that matter). It'll go up at some point! In the meantime, keep calm, carry on, and go see Christian Bale kick some mumbly butt.

SPOILERY LIVE FEED UPDATE SPONSORED BY FROOT LOOPS AND DIGIORNO
Basically, every cross-team alliance created thus far in the show has been nullified. Everyone on Team Janelle has now aligned with Team Boogie, forming the "Diversity" alliance. Many have also begun showing their jealousy of Janelle, including Britney, Wil and Ashley.

Britney told Willie about her suspicions of the Coaches entering the game. Afterwards, Willie called all 11 newbies in the house together to share that information and create a mob mentality against the coaches.

Willie mocked Wil's effeminate voice and mannerisms to Frank, who told people about it and, by the time it got back to Wil, the story was that he used a homophobic slur. This prompted an actual racial slur from Willie(directed towards nobody of that race), all of which came to a head when Willie and Frank had a blow-up in the backyard. Shocker!

As for who is going home, it all rests on the shoulders of the most unlikely contestant- Ashley. She's not sold on the Diversity alliance, which is targeting Kara to save Frank. Right now, if she sides with Diversity, it will be 5-3 Kara going home. If she joins with the other side (Willie offered a F3 with JoJo and Ashley), it'll force a tie, and Willie will surely send newfound enemy Frank home. As fast as things have been changing, it's anyone's guess what will happen tomorrow night.

In terms of HoH, Dan is advising his girls to throw the competition to keep targets off of their backs in this BB bloodbath. They're all expecting a quick, true/false style HoH. If that's the case, anybody can win.

TV Review: Big Brother 14x01: Cruel Summer

ML- To paraphrase the great Janelle Pierzina, "Hi hi, bitches!" Welcome to America's favorite guilty pleasure life consumer, Big Brother, which began its 14th season with a bang- that bang being the sound of Jodi's face smacking against the animatronic bed over and over again.

The game has already taken an incredibly drastic change with the addition of four legendary (Copyright Barney Stinson, CBS) coaches to guide the noobs through the game, which is a good thing because it seems as though none of them have watched much Big Brother in the past. These coaches will be playing their own game; whoever mentors someone to victory will pocket $100,000 of their own.
The coaches are: Mike "Boogie" Malin, BB2 & BB7, Janelle Pierzina, BB6 & BB7, Dan Gheesling, BB10 and Britney Haynes, BB12.

I'd say the first three choices were spot-on, but the addition of Britney nearly ruins the plan. Despite being a diary room goddess and one of the funniest house guests in history, she (admittedly) played terribly last time and shouldn't have been considered as a mentor over the likes of Jun, Danielle or Dani Donato. Hell, even RACHEL would have been better at mentoring, but Britney proved tonight that she's at least going to give the other coaches a run for their money.

Before we continue (or should I say BUT FIRST) let's go over the 12 newbies and quick first impressions of them from their awful, fake "key finding" packages.

FRANK- Frank is unemployed, something Jodi was 98% sure was a lie. Unfortunately, the margin of error tonight was 1.9%, or something. Ian would probably explain it better. Anyway, Frank is a BB super fan who doesn't fit the stereotypical BB super fan mold, a dangerous combination for the rest of the house. Frank was the first choice to join TEAM BOOGIE.


DANIELLE- My first thought was "Jordan 2.0", which isn't a bad thing at all. She's cute and has that southern drawl that makes everyone seem just an ounce more likable (unless your last name is Hantz). She decided to lie about her job, saying she's a kindergarden teacher rather than admitting to being a nursing student. A risky move, as it'll be easy to slip up while in the house for so long and instantly lose  people's trust. Danielle was a second round pick for TEAM DAN.


SHANE- He flips houses for a living, so I can't wait to hear all the puns of him "flipping" the house around once he gets on the block. I don't expect that to take too long, as his physicality and apparent lack of strategic game will make him a prime target for some early nominations. So of course, he was the first pick for TEAM BRITNEY.

JODI- "Too normal", my reality TV-addled brain warned as she came upon my screen. She doesn't have perfect features or a perfect body. How did she manage to sneak into the house and fool everyone, even the great and powerful Chenbot? Despite that (or perhaps because of it) she came across as down to earth and eager to play, which, in the Big Brother world, gets you picked last of everyone, ending up on TEAM DAN.

IAN- Ian and Cochran from Survivor were probably in the same pile of applications sorted at CBS, as both fit the stereotypical "nerd" slot. Unlike Cochran, Ian may be getting some action soon, as Ashley has showed interest in him, because he "wears glasses." Girl really knows how to pick 'em. His excitement at the sight of Boogie, Dan and Janelle made me smile, as it's exactly how I'd be if put in the house. Except I wear contacts, so I'd have no shot at an Ashley showmance, so I guess he knows what he's doing. He was the second choice for TEAM BOOGIE.

WIL- With 1 L. Guys. 1 L. There's already a Willie, this is Wil. Jeez. The "Southern gay" (who was an American Idol reject that I actually remember) tried making a hair alliance with Frank within seconds of entering the house. He could be a very up-front player, which makes for great TV, but often doesn't lead to the big bucks. Hopefully he will find some great tutelage as first pick under TEAM JANELLE.

JOJO- Or should I say JowwJoww, BB's answer to the Jersey Shore stereotype (because we have all forgotten Enzo, yes? Yes.) She's from Staten Island and there to do New York proud, whatever that means. My expectations for her as a player are low, so I hope she gets drunk and fights with Janelle a lot. She was the final pick for TEAM BRITNEY.

WILLIE HANTZ- Yes, Russell's brother. No, he probably won't win, unless producer Allison Grodner deems it fitting, then which case he absolutely will. He's actually a lot more likable than Russell, but everybody was onto him within minutes (Ian gave it a 99.9% certainty rating- nice going, Ian!) but he's still trying to play dumb. Absolutely foolish, he should own up and say he's nothing like Russell, because literally, I thought it was Russell when he stood outside the door. Actually, since he's taller, it looked like Russell standing on a smaller Hantz' s shoulders. Brush that Hantz off yo' shoulder, Willie, and do TEAM BRITNEY proud!

KARA- The Playboy model has many assets that will help her succeed in this game, but unfortunately, they're out for everyone to see. I'm pointing to her boobies. She's dated rockstars in the past, so all I have to say is: Haaaaave you met Jenn? (Copyright: Barney Stinson, CBS). She's looking for a showmance, which has benefitted BB girls the past few seasons, so perhaps she's got more going on than we've all seen on NSFW sites? Now we know why she was chosen for TEAM DAN.


JOE- The chef, who only made it into the house because another contestant quit, doesn't seem to be someone who can relax and chill with all of the young kids in the house. Cooking is a good skill to have, however, and his age could also be a benefit if they deem him as out of his physical prime. Hopefully he can find strengths from his qualities and be a good player for TEAM JANELLE.

JENN- The tattooed rockstar says she's either loved or despised, which means she'll probably go sooner rather than later in the house. People want to put up people that the majority of people are against, to seem like less of a bad guy. If half the house hates Jenn, it'll be easy to find the numbers to oust her. Can her personality shine through the unique appearance enough to form strong bonds? That's a task for her mentor on TEAM BOOGIE.

ASHLEY- The mobile spray tanner has a personality disconnect that I noticed with Porsche last year- everything she says seems staged or scripted or fake. Maybe it's just her weird baby voice? Is the house really going to be "yummy"? I don't think so. Hopefully her mentor, a friend of Porsche's, can direct her in the right way on TEAM JANELLE.


So there we have it, 12 people on 4 teams- except by the end of the night, Julie warns, one of them would be leaving. Bonkers.

The challenge is different from a regular Big Brother competition: The team that comes in first will let their mentor choose one of them to be HoH, and the team that comes in last will force its mentor to eliminate someone that night. This twist definitely favors Team Britney, which has arguably the two most athletic guys in the house in Willie and Shane, and takes a lot of power out of the contestants hands and into the coach's. This is not the Big Brother we all know and love, this is an exhibition match to see which coach can take down the others. I both hate and love it at the same time.

The challenge involved house guests hopping in pajamas onto spinning and bucking beds to retrieve teddy bears for their slumber party, Frogger-style. (Never thought I'd write that sentence in my life). Each houseguest had to retrieve one bear, then send one person to the other side to hit the buzzer. If, at 20 minutes in, a team had not completed, a coach could substitute another player to run the course.

The competition was pretty even throughout, with the men dominating way easier than the ladies. That didn't bode well for Team Dan, who actually seemed like a good coach (considering he is a coach in real life) but couldn't muster the same inner power that Coach Taylor could manage from his Panthers. Clear eyes, busted lips, sure to lose?

I ranked the teams as they were announced as Boogie > Dan > Janelle > Britney, and wouldn't you know it, my last place team came out on top. Physicality won out and Britney's team was able to take control of the house for week one. It'll be interesting to see who she advises her HoH to target, considering she loves Janelle as much as I do. But I'm getting ahead of myself- the other teams were neck and neck, but Dan's team played like a bunch of girls (a joke, because they all are girls, not a commentary on females in sports- have you SEEN the Williams sisters?) and, unfortunately for the Renegade himself, he placed behind both Janelle and Boogie's teams.

Brit selected Willie as her first HoH, a smart move to secure the rest of the house doesn't get into Shane or JoJo's ears about knocking the Hantz out of the game. He equate this "victory" to winning a national championship. Hear that, Olympians? Ain't nobody got nothin' on Willie Hantz!

As Dan debated his options, I came to my own conclusion- boot Jodi. Yes she's likable in a dorky kind of way, but she just doesn't belong with the rest of the fame whores in the house. And Dan agreed, sending Jodi packing as the first casualty of the summer, and weeding his team down to only Kara and Danielle.

What should Willie do? One strategy would be to pick Kara and Danielle as nominees. That way you don't piss off any other coaches and are one step closer to ridding Dan from the house. Or does he go after bigger threats like Frank and Ian on Team Boogie? I'm ecstatic to see how this twist plays out, and especially to see what "new power" will be introduced into the game. Also, what's the over-under on when the mentors can enter the game as actual house guests? I love the idea of Janelle having no consequences of getting into drunk fights with everyone, but it'd be much sweeter to se her finally walk away with the oversized check.

Well, that's it for me this week! Before I go, I'll begin with this BB blog's tradition: player most likely to win it all and player most likely to go home next.

Most Likely to Leave Next: Danielle
Most Likely to Win It All: Frank


Another note: I will be watching the live feeds and Big Brother: After Dark this year, so this may be the first night where spoilers don't come into play in the reviews. I'll try to limit conversation to only CBS info and maybe use the end for spoiler-y discussion? If you care at all, let me know in the comments! Hope you guys keep reading, it's going to be a long, fun summer!

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina
Original Airdate: 7/12/2012