TV Review: Dexter 7x04: Run

DA- As Deb entered the bathtub all we could think of was Rita. As the water turned red and wouldn’t stop Deb must have too. This leads to Deb instantly questioning Dexter now about season four and if he even loved Rita. He did and loves Deb too. Aww…

Thankfully they got Raymond Speltzer from last week and just need a confession. After a good cop/bad cop routine from Batista and Deb respectively they somehow got Raymond to come out and say “I should have killed you like I killed the other girls.” Woah that was easy. Unfortunately when they originally arrested him the cops beat him and it is unclear if Raymond was conscious or even able to follow his Miranda rights (he never verbally said yes). Because of this his confession is thrown out. Now I don’t know much about the justice system but this seems pretty darn stupid! Good thing we have someone like Dexter out there!

Meanwhile Sirko and his henchmen visit Alex who is a barkeeper at the club. They convince him to take the blame for Mike’s murder and kill himself in exchange for his family to receive a lot of money. This is literally the opposite of a suicide prevention hotline. Miami Metro finds the scene the next day and what happens next surprises me. Out of nowhere Batista becomes a good cop and doesn’t believe it was a suicide. It’s too neat. Who is this and what happened to Miami Metro?! Then again Quinn represents the department well. He wants to just forget this whole thing because this ordeal is “hard” for the stripper he is sleeping with. Oh pobre Quinn. Suck it up!

Dexter tries to take on Raymond only for him to get knocked out in the RV and wake up in a maze himself. The note next to him tells him to run but he says he doesn’t run but makes people run. He walks down the hall like a BAMF until he sees Raymond as a bull chase him with a giant axe. Even Dexter knows no matter how uncool it looks, this is the time to run!

He narrowly escapes and decides if this happens again he has to make sure he has nothing to lose (like he did in season four when chasing Trinity). He sends Harrison to Orlando to visit Astor and Cody (remember them?). Dexter tries again to get Raymond and leads him into a trap of his own. Raymond lets out a final yell and tells Dexter he is going to kill him, which Dexter wittingly responds, “that would be a twist.” The body goes into the furnace to be burned and perhaps the ashes will go to Fisher and Sons for a funeral service. (See what I did there?) Along with the body, Dexter gets rid of his blood slides. Finally Dexter realizes that it is a bad idea to hang on to the evidence of people you killed!

Deb sees the smoke coming out of the crematory and asks if Dexter did this for her. He says no (now this would be a good opportunity to say yes Dex) and asks her how she feels. She says she is glad and wonders what that makes her. Dexter simply tells her that this makes her human but I think he forgot to include this also makes her a psycho that is in love with your step-brother who is a serial killer. But hey, one step at a time.

Episode Grade: B

Episode MVP: Angel Batista (for finally being good at his job)
Original Airdate: 10/21/2012

TV Review: Revenge 2x01: Destiny

ML- "Destiny" is a touchy subject when it comes to television- there are so many factors coming into play that character arcs and relationships don't always end up where writers and producers intend. And, let's be honest, the only God when it comes to television is the showrunner and the folks in the writer's room. If I were a betting man, I'd say Daniel was originally supposed to die on the beach in season 1, but the fan's reaction kept him alive and Tyler bit the bullet instead. On-set behind the scenes drama can lead to characters being written out long before their welcome. Low ratings can cut promising programs down within a matter of weeks.

Revenge survived to a second season and begins much like the first season- with a glimpse of a mid-season tragedy that will most likely not be what it seems. This time, we saw Jack Porter's boat, the Amanda, on the bottom of the ocean, along with it Jack's pocket watch and a body with manly arms. All signs point to Jack. So, naturally, Jack is destined to survive to Season 5.

This season premiere was much less juicy than the pilot last year, and hopefully that's a sign of the show setting up plot lines and not losing steam. Unfortunately, nothing new or exciting was really set up, we just got continuations of everything from last year. Victoria being alive was a surprise to nobody, except maybe Emily. Amanda's paternity test was something we all were clamoring for.

Everything about Conrad bores me and I wish they had killed him last year instead of fake-killing Victoria. His manipulation of Charlotte was smart and unexpected for me, as I expected Emily to be behind the blood-test snafu. Charlotte was less annoying already, and I'd love to see her join in the Revenge-ing with Emily and Nolan to form a team of superheroes called... wait for it... THE REVENGERS. Nolan can be Tony Stark with his money! Emily can be Thor with her blonde hair! Charlotte can be the Hulk with her pill addiction! (Stretching/completely making up that last one). Now just turn Declan from scrawny punk to buff hunk and he's Captain America.

A few characters seem to be in new, interesting places: Nolan's post-torture boxing regiment and the sale of his house signals a psychological shift, but his quippy lines felt tired already. Apparently we're getting an origin story for him, which I'm torn over. He's one of the most interesting characters on the show, but that's because everything about him is so ambiguous. Shedding light on his demons could remove all the excitement that surrounds him and ultimately let us down.

Daniel and Ashley are the other characters on the show that excite me. Sure, Daniel is currently being relegated to brooding with a drink in hand like some lowly Twilight vampire, but his history of reckless endangerment while under the influence should lead to some questionable decisions. And Ashley, who I've long suspected to be up to no good, seemed like a much more confident, sinister character, as if the actress was given a direction she can't share with the audience, but it drastically is affecting her performance. Either way, These two could be a dastardly duo to tear the Hamptons apart.

Lastly, Emily, who nearly drowned herself to unlock repressed memories about her mother, needs to step it up this season. Her take-down of the buff guy at Takeda's side was a fine reminder of her prowess last season, but I'm expecting more. I know, I know, they can't play all their cards in the first episode, but this is REVENGEEE, people. I need balls to the wall craziness or else I realize how primetime network soap this all is.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Emily Van Camp
Original Airdate: 09/30/2012

TV Review: Survivor 25x02: Booty Blinded By Booby Traps

ML-

Roxxxxxxxanne
You don't have to call out the showmance
Subtly sew distrust,
It'll be more effective than freaking out at Tribal Council and alienating everyone by speaking in tongues

Okay, I may have botched that song a little bit, but I haven't had a lot of water today... so...

Matsing (aka Tribe 1 for either arbitrary or spoilery reasons), fell apart even further this week as a showmance splintered trust and nobody stepped up to lead in the challenge. Worst of all, the tribe doesn't even have cookies.

The tragic thing is, Roxy was completely right about Malcolm and Angie. A pair, especially an athletic relationship, is either the most dangerous or the most vulnerable position in the game. In a tribe of 5, everyone needed to unite against Malcolm/Angie, which was never going to happen thanks to my winner pick, Sex Therapist Denise. I assume she saw Malcolm and Angie as potential clients and the subjects of her next book, Love in the Wild: How to Survive Being Backstabbed By Sea Snakes and Get Crabs Out Of Your Buff. She also astutely pointed out that, despite Malcolm being her main ally, being the odd-person out in a threesome is what the sex therapists refer to as the worst. But the timing wasn't right to betray her only ally, so Roxy had to go.

Roxy's pre-challenge behavior was elimination-worthy on its own. After a terrible rainstorm, Roxy began speaking in tongues and praising the lord like Jameka from Big Brother 8. Nothing against her religion, but speaking in tongues can be a red flag that someone's head may not be 100% in the game of Survivor. Take Dr. Denise, for example. She says that anything that gets her to the end of the game will be of her own doing, not God's or anyone elses.

Over on Tandang, Lisa further distanced herself from her tribemates by sitting alone at the well and crying, which has made the majority alliance go from 4 to 5 with Artis now included. If Tandang loses, Lisa is in trouble, unless she can pull some type of Holly Hoffman maneuver and turn her sorrows into strength. Meanwhile, Abi-Maria and RC Became the most dysfunctional alliance since Russell & Parvati. All RC wanted was to trust Abi-Maria with her idol clue, but Abi-Maria was so threatened by RC's bond with Skupin that she threatened to kill her if ever betrayed. Healthy stuff right there. Abi-Maria is a little too crazy for this game, but makes good TV and I'd love to see her blindsided!

At Kalabal, Jonathan used his brain and figured out the clue meant the idol was under the nose of the bull pendant wedged in their welcome basket. Now he's got an idol, which he'll probably have to use at his first tribal considering we haven't seen any other strategizing by him yet. He better keep those glasses on, because he'll need another hidden immunity idol after this one gets used.

Tribal Council was entertaining with all the bitchy back-and-forth between Roxanne and Angie, whose cookie comment wasn't as dumb as Probst made it out to be. Malcolm's "little sister" comment about Angie was, however, pretty dumb, unless it's comparable to Kat and her cousin from last season.

In the end, two dangerous pairs remained in the game with Malcolm smack dab in the middle of both. I had high hopes for Roxy but she quickly fell into paranoid craziness way too soon. If there's any indication that God isn't invested in Survivor, her ousting from the Matsing tribe is all the proof I need.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Denise
Original Airdate: 09/26/2012

TV Review: New Girl 2x01: Re-Launch

DA- Who’s that girl? It’s Jess! The new girl is back (which I guess makes her the old girl at this point) with two new episodes last night. Since there is so much to talk about without further ado…

As soon as the first episode begins Jess probably wished she never came back. Not only did she get laid off from her job due to cut backs, she had to scratch Schmidt’s “undercarriage” due to old and scratchy groin cask. On the bright side though she did get to take a lost and found item out of the box so there’s that.

Schmidt begins to plan his rebranding event after the cask is finally removed (mostly to tell women he can have sex again). Jess begs him to let her be a shot girl for the party but even with her boobs free from “boob jail” Nick says she does not have that level of sexiness. While Jess may not have that level, Ivy (Jess’ new alter ego who is studying to be an actress) may.

At the event “Ivy” tries her best to win over the crowd while at the same time Schmidt and Winston tries to convince Nick to make his girly fruity drinks from college to loosen up the girls for the party. Nick agrees but Schmidt has moved on as soon as he sees Cece walk in with a new boyfriend. He realizes he needs to step up his game and show how dangerous he can be. After some fire stunts and nearly burning down the bar many of the partygoers leave. While Cece stays behind he says they would never work out anymore anyways. They are too similar and while he is “dangerous” her new boy Robbie is just a simple and good guy.

However back to Jess she realizes she is not a shot girl and unable to shake her “plywood ass.” Nick tells her that she does not need to be and that she can just be herself. He explains that life gets better and then sucks moments later. That is just what happens to everyone and she just needs to accept it. Unlike Schmidt she has no reason to rebrand herself. She will always be the “adorkable” Jess to us.

Episode Grade: B

Episode MVP: Schmidt

Original Airdate: 9/25/12

TV Catch-Up: Weeds Season 8

ML- I first discovered Weeds in 2007 thanks to a sale ticket at Best Buy advertising the first season DVD for only $14.99. I snatched it up, and promptly bought the later seasons as they came out. I was drawn to Jenji Kohan's style of off-beat humor and the complicated family dynamic of the Botwins, acted superbly through and through by Mary-Louise Parker and Justin Kirk (and, later, Hunter Parrish).  Not only was the show funny, it was fun, with twists and turns that kept the audience guessing and brought out the best in the characters.

I don't feel like that is the same show that ended this week. That show really ended when Nancy burned down Agrestic, before we lost Elizabeth Perkins and travelled to Mexico and New York and all around the country. I stayed with the series because it never required too much of my time or thought. It's not like a Heroes that frustrated due to high expectations. Weeds was my show to go to when nothing else was on, which I could enjoy without taking it too seriously or getting too invested. Perhaps that doesn't make me the best person to be reviewing the finale, but for all of these reasons, I actually didn't mind how the show took its bow.

That's not to say the finale was an exceptional piece of television. The writing was spotty, a shame to Kohan who is obviously quite talented. All the random conversations at the first party didn't do much to move the story forward, and only work in the case of a reunion-style finale. Most annoyingly, Nancy seemingly made the decision to make a big change with her life and move forward, but we never got to see what that was. I'm all for ambiguity in TV show finales and letting the audience predict the characters' fates, but this felt more of a cop-out considering they already jumped ahead ~8 years to show us futures. Would it hurt to satisfy us with a concrete path? Or was Pittsburgh the legitimate destination?

Back in season 6, when things were at their most outrageous creatively, I predicted the series would end with Nancy waking up from a dream, just another suburban housewife stuck in her Stepford life hoping to go on adventures. I'm glad it didn't. The series was about Nancy Botwin and the choices she made as a mother and a woman, and to let her off the hook like that would be a mistake. Earlier this season, when Nancy admitted she wasn't a good mother, I praised the show for finally going there. As the season progressed we saw her fall back into her own ways, one of the reasons I got frustrated and stopped covering it week to week. But here, we were able to see that eight years and another screwed up kid later, Nancy hadn't changed one iota.

I don't know why I was shocked and saddened to see teenage Stevie cursing and talking like the other characters on the show. The transition from 5 year old hispanic looking innocent boy to 13 year old caucasian looking potty mouth was jarring, but was necessary to tell this story. Nancy raised one son who married a woman that resented her, one with an alcohol problem and one that yearned to abandon her for boarding school. That's how she saw it, anyway.

I think the series, while often out of focus, provided wise insight into what it means to be a mother, what it takes to be a mother, and the negative impacts a mother can have on her children. The scene with Josh (a surprising call-back to a character only present in the pilot episode) was perfect and the episode's highlight for me, because Nancy got to see how someone with a different mother turned out. It put into perspective her own reign of motherhood, which would soon come to an abrupt end, as a failure because she failed to take into account what was truly best for her children- not being around her. Were it not for her talk with Josh, she wouldn't have let Stevie go to boarding school, and he would continue to grow in her toxic garden.

Weeds was not just a show about marijuana- Kohan has said that the Botwins themselves were weeds, ruining the places they popped up in. It was bold and unique of her to keep this unlikability factor up throughout the whole series (an unlikability I choose to believe was intentional). As great a character as Nancy Botwin was, she was never a good person and oftentimes was an awful one, but that's what made her the great character. She was flawed, she carries her flaws with her, and in the end, she accepted them. She let her baby go so he could be free from her, she took in her ailing child and vowed to give him the help he needed in the place he always wanted, and shared a moment with her oldest son, the man who had grown up past all the shit they went through and let go of all his baggage. Ironically (or not, given Kohan's obvious political views), the one who dealt with drugs the most turned out the most stable.

All this and I haven't even gotten to Andy. The scene at the end of the 100th episode (which was the season's best, aside from the premiere), where Andy and Nancy had sex at the spot of Judah's heart attack, was perfectly poetic. And when he left her crying, finally free of her hold, she broke down. Obviously, for the eight years following, she kept a longing for him in her heart. She asked about him over and over to the boys, and the scene where Silas filled her in on Andy's personal life was sweet. Nancy heard about his baby, and his girlfriend, and his restaurant, and watched it all play out in her head. It made sense for him to get what he wanted because he achieved it all without her.

When he finally arrived he was distant, and Kirk and Parker did a fantastic job of conveying the awkwardness of 8 years apart. Seriously, I have nothing but good things to say about both of those actors and the performances they put out over the last 8 years, despite the quality of writing. When she got him alone later, he reluctantly let her cry in his arms. She pleaded him to come live with her, she'd give him her business and all of her money to start a new restaurant. He declined. She agreed to move to Ren Mar and sell her house and live with him there. He denied. Andy, who spent the series trying to get in touch with himself, through religion, through women, found it without Nancy. He wasn't going to let her come back into his life.

He advised, instead, she move on. She may have been the world's worst mother, but thats okay, because she no longer has to be a mother. She can be whoever she wants, whatever she wants, wherever she wants. I think this is a tough lesson for mothers everywhere, but an idea that can empower many empty nesters who feel lost when their children leave home. Nancy constantly reinvented herself, changed her name, changed her partners. Maybe without children to take care of she'd be able to be at peace with her selfish nature and just indulge.

Indulge she did. It was rare to see Nancy actually smoke weed during the course of the eight seasons, but in the series' final shot, Nancy sat on the steps pondering her future, and was accompanied by Cult Leader Doug, Silas, Shane and Andy. They passed a weed cigarette amongst each other, sharing in a high that will become the finale's most iconic image. Some say weed lowers your motivation, but I don't think that's the case here, again, given Kohan's political stance. Each of them takes a puff, and they're ready to move on to the next part of their journey. It's time.

I can't say that I'll miss Weeds the show as a whole, at least after the last few seasons of sub-par storytelling. What I will miss will be the theme song, and the random one-scene characters (like the lesbian moms with their Chinese Jewish daughter this week), and Andy's long-winded rants, and the acting styles of Parrish, Kirk and Parker. As bad as things (plot contrivances, all things Doug) got, in the thematic sense, the show went out on a high.

Episode Grade: B
Season Grade: B- (84.15)
Season (& Series) MVP: Mary-Louise Parker & Justin Kirk
Original Airdate: 09/17/2012

TV Review: Parenthood 4x01: "Family Portrait"

ML- Look at that photo above. Don't you just want to photoshop yourself into that family? There's room between Adam and Joel for an extra Braverman, or maybe in front of Jabbar and Sydney if you lie on your side. If it were me, I'd sneak peek out through the window and make a funny face. And everyone would laugh and say "Classic Mike Braverman"/"Get out here Mike"/"Max stop doing that"/"Victor, try to smile, honey", all at the same time.

Alas, not all of us can be Bravermen, and, as it turns out, not all Bravermen are guaranteed access into the family portrait. Mark found out the hard way that engagements, especially those without rings, don't seal the photo deal. It takes a little one-on-one with Camille to gain V.I.P. access.

There may be trouble in paradise for Mark (who appears to have gained some weight, but we will let it slide because he was nominated for a freaking Emmy award!) and Sarah (still Emmyless after all these years) in the form of photographer Hank, played by Ray Romano (has more Emmys than any one man deserves, unless that man is Kyle Chandler). Obviously, Sarah is an gold-digger hunting men with Emmys.

But seriously, she proved to be a downright terrible assistant, her only redeeming quality being her rapport with the client. Hank finds it hard to hide his dismay, but doesn't fire her right away because he needs her help loading the truck. That's what you get for lying at job applications!

Speaking of lying, let's transition to Amber and her storyline. Apparently, she and her politician beau hit a rocky patch, since she was quick to fall into bed with American Idol's Paul MacDonald, which makes perfect sense: first NBC "introduces" Katharine McPhee to us through Smash (and also Community), then Clay Aiken on Celebrity Apprentice, now they bring us MacDonald on Parenthood. Who will be next? I nominate Danny Gokey to be a convicted serial killer who gets a 43-minute execution scene on Law & Order: SVU.

Amber was crushed when she found out a celebrity didn't live up to her expectations (he was receiving complimentary muffins from some other girl for the past six months), but it was Adam who let loose, kicking Paul's mediocre hipster band out of the Luncheonette. Crosby, Amber and I all agreed (remember, I'm a Braverman now) because not only is Amber old enough to continue making dumb mistakes (remember when she slept with Steve in Season 1? And got in the Season 2 car accident? This totally pales in comparison), the decision lost Adam money. Which Adam needs to send his daughter to school!

Which brings us naturally to Haddie, the daughter in question. Adam and Kristina tried spending some quality bonding time with Haddie during her last week home before going to Cornell at the happiest place on earth: Burger and Pie. Does Burger and Pie exist? No, but a quick Google search tells me there's such a thing as Pie 'n Burger in Pasadena. Adding that to my California bucket list, and I'll be sure to freak out about the lack of Torpedo Burgers on their menu, like the Braverman that I am.

All Haddie wanted to do was have some alone time (with her friends), but her parents' nagging love spoiled all her fun. She freaks out, storming off instead of going to the portrait party the family throws in her honor. Viewers may think the characters are acting abnormally here, but I have to disagree. Adam's freakout over Amber has nothing to do with Amber or American Idol, it's about wanting to protect Haddie. Haddie isn't running to her friends because she hates the chaotic diner trips and Max tearing through her suitcase (well maybe that has something to do with it); she's guarding herself from saying goodbye to her family and going all the way across the country.

She eventually comes around, as we Bravermen always do, with the help of a moment with Max and newcomer Victor. She leaves behind a strong, loving, crazy family, and God only knows how many of those exist in the world (fortunately, I actually do belong to one, and I see a lot of the Ladues in the Bravermen).

Speaking of "God only knows" (now I'm just being obnoxious, both with my segues and use of asides), newlyweds Crosby and Jasmine struggled with her mother's decision to expose Jabbar to Christianity without consulting them first. Crosby is threatened be Jabbar's praying, because it means he might enter into a club that Crosby himself wouldn't be accepted at. He consults with his parents for help, who reminisce on Buddhism and tantric sex while driving home the idea that nobody on earth knows for sure what awaits us when we die, and Crosby doesn't have to provide all these answers to Jabbar.

What follows is a sweet scene between father and son as they look up at shooting stars, and Crosby explains that what he believes in is the love he has for Jabbar, Jasmine and the family. It's a sweet thought and one that more parents should use when talking to kids about religion, as it is less scary/guilt-inducing while still setting a morally positive example.

Julia and Joel were also having issues with their new adopted son, Victor. (See? Without cheesy segues it just feels like an awkward jump.) He was watching TV too inappropriate for Sydney and eating in the living room. Obviously, based on these characteristics he will grow up to be a mass murderer (that Danny Gokey will play on Law & Order!) All joking aside, he just doesn't seem to fit in yet with the Braverman clan, something the show will definitely tackle over the course of this season. His little comment to Haddie about them being "too loud" shows just how removed he is, and hopefully by season's end he will be joining in the overlapping dialogue like the rest of the bunch.

While on the topic I just want to say: please, writers, don't make Julia extremely unlikable again. By the end of last season she finally won me over thanks to Erika Christensen's amazing acting. But putting her in the position to not love her new kid, while realistic, just paints her in a bad light, golden hour or not.

Speaking of golden hour (how about THAT segue, eh?), Hank's photoshoot with the Bravermen clan gave him a glimpse at what good people they were, hinted at an attraction to Sarah and a rivalry with Mark, and connection with Max that could be a foreshadowing of Hank's own possible case of Aspergers. For now, we'll just stick to attraction, as he hires back Sarah due to her charming ways.

So after the family portrait was taken, Haddie trekked off to Cornell, so cold that Max wondered if that was the reason why everyone there killed themselves. As an Ithaca College student, I must say too soon, but still a perfectly wicked line. My main concern: why didn't Adam and Kristina accompany her? Aside from the production company not being able to relocate to Ithaca, it doesn't make much sense for overbearing Kristina to just back away now, especially for freshman year. Who is going to help her get all her groceries? And the part about her never living at home again- yeah right, bitch isn't getting a job out of college any sooner than the rest of us.

I guess all I failed to cover was Max and his bulking up for the (soon to be ex, apparently) girlfriend, which look to be more important next week anyway. Until then, it was a pleasure having the Bravermen back on my screen, and I'm seriously considering photoshopping myself into that portrait.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Sarah Ramos (Hope this isn't goodbye!)
Original Airdate: 09/11/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x11: Bouncing Checks

ML- Boogie called it last week, as we were reminded at the end of the "Previously on Big Brother" segment- this is Big Brother, you can bounce checks. When the nominations were revealed, one person was upset his key wasn't pulled, and another was upset that his was. Pretty crazy result to one of the craziest twists in BB history.

The endurance challenge (which I live-updated in last Thursday's blog) was a doozy, as they contestants not only had to hold onto bars and stand on planks at an angle, but they had to do so with freezing cold water pouring down on them and seagull poop splattering on their faces.

Historically, women and smaller guys have faired better in this type of challenge, and that proved the same tonight. The order of dropping out went: Boogie (strategic to appear weak), Jenn (too cold for her Puerto Rican blood), Joe, Ashley, Dan (also to appear weak, which Wil didn't buy), Frank, Wil (who made a deal with Danielle for safety), Shane and Janelle. I was surprised Janie didn't hold out longer, but I guess the 8 years since her original season have taken their toll on her.

The last three standing were Britney, Danielle and Ian. Thanks to a coach session from Dan and Britney and Ian's willingness to jump for safety, Danielle outlasted the others, giving us our first female HoH of the summer. Not only did she get a hug from Dan, she also got a big kiss from Shane. Somebody is finally realizing how much it pays to be in a BB showmance.

The targets started popping up quickly, with Boogie, Frank and even Janelle's named being thrown around. Danielle thinks Janelle is threatened by her- I doubt that's true, I think Janelle just has a harder time pretending to like Danielle than the rest of the house (Britney included) who bashed her non-stop on the feeds a few weeks ago.

Boogie and Frank tried stirring things up after Dan, in the heat of the Reset button action, told them Frank was the target in order to gain some favor of Boogie's. This basically backfired, as Boogie didn't trust Dan for not telling him when it would have mattered. Though Britney and tried to deny it, Dan admits to them he messed up and told Boogie the plan.

Dan used his allegiance with Danielle to veer her off the path of nominating coaches and instead thought she should nominate Wil and Frank. She agreed, until Wil reminded her that she promised him he wouldn't go home this week.

So what was she to do? Stick with the plan and get Frank and Wil up? Or honor the deal and send Janelle or Boogie up instead? She bounced her check and nominated Wil as a pawn against Frank, who has narrowly escaped too many evictions this summer already. Can he do it again?

Boogie, meanwhile, was insulted that she didn't nominate him when she had the chance. Don't get too cocky, buddy, there's still a veto to be played for!

If you want to know the veto competition results, keep reading below! If not, go check out some of our other articles.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Danielle Murphree
Original Airdate: 8/5/2012





LIVE FEED SPOILERS
The Veto was the yankee swap one done in seasons past, where whoever places higher in a competition can open a box and either keep the prize or trade it for an opened prize.
The prizes went as follows:
Frank got stuck in a "Spirit-tard", a unitard with pom-poms. He hates wearing it and has been lax keeping it on. Could he get a penalty vote?
Wil got $5,000 cash
Jenn got a vacation, which Ian traded away
Ian got a punishment of being dressed like a dog for 24 hours. He has to sleep in a doghouse and have someone holding his leash if he ever goes anywhere.
Shane got a Veto pass, allowing him to play in a future veto
Danielle got the Veto this week

There has been much discussion of backdooring Janelle. Danielle hates her, Brit is sick of her, Boogie and Frank are all for it. However, Dan is still adamant about keeping the target off of the coaches, so as of right now, the veto probably won't be used and Frank will go home. The veto ceremony is tomorrow so things can still change by then!

TV Review: Big Brother 14x09: Keep Calm and Kiss Ass

ML- Britney and Shane mocked Janelle's players and couldn't wait to kick one of them out of the house. By the end of the episode, it seems as though all of them will survive into next week. How'd they manage to pull that one off?

Much of their success can be attributed to Ian, whose inability to commit to saving Shane next week sent Britney into a frenzy and turned the target back onto Frank. But Janie and Joe did their own share of the work, the former offering her wedding ring and Chanel earrings as collateral, the latter making weird metaphors to rock climbers and the president.

Joe was not happy to be up basically only because he's Janelle's player, though his personality obviously didn't help his case. Janelle wouldn't let her people freak out, nor would she let them give Shane or Britney an ounce of breathing room during the week. Ass kissing, though embarrassing, is a good strategy in Big Brother. Wil claimed he doesn't want to be known as an ass kisser, and there is absolutely no joke to be made there. Joe tried his best, but obviously, gentle tones and smooth deliveries are not his strong suits.

The Veto was similar to one in BB13, except this time instead of Greek gods and goddesses, the contestants were dressed in clown suits. They had to run to keep two balls off the ground as they rolled  up slanted paths. Once you dropped a ball, you were out.

The competition went pretty quickly tonight, as Wil, Joe, Frank and Danielle fell out, leaving only Shane and Ashley. Shane defeated the klutzy Ashley to score his third straight veto, probably sending past all-time veto champs Janelle and James Rhine into panic mode. Is he the Michael Phelps of Vetoes?

It was then do or die time for Joe and Team Janelle, as they made as many offers as possible to get Boogie and his people out of the house. I've got to hand it to Janelle, she really does hustle to get her way in the house. Along with Ian's slip up, Shane and Brit decided to explain the backdoor to Frank in a way he might not expect to go home. It didn't work 100% as planned, but at least there wasn't a big blow-up- yet.

Britney likened Boogie and Frank to a dragon and its head- are we getting some more Survivor cross-over here with Coach? Is this all one big elaborate ploy to get Big Brother fans used to hearing "coach" and "dragon" so next season they can do a BB/Survivor mash-up? I'd truly dig that.

Tomorrow night we'll see if the coaches enter the game (they probably will) and who goes home, Frank or Joe (if they're smart it'll be Frank, but I can't stand listening to Joe's confessionals anymore). If Frank does go home, I'll be looking for a new Winner Pick. Leave me your suggestions in the comments below!

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Janelle Pierzina & Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 8/1/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x07: Caught in a Bad Showmance

ML- I think everyone watching last night knew who was going to win that HoH competition. It didn't seem like the type of thing that could be rigged in anyone's favor, but everyone I talked to was certain that one person would walk away with the key to the bedroom, and sure enough, Shane proved them right.

He went from being in the dominant alliance to nominated to Veto holder to power again. He survived Danielle's revenge after Ian blabbed about his and JoJo's awkward semi-flirting in the Have Not room. He lost two allies this week, but gained some others with Frank and Boogie and will surely flip the house once again.

The eviction was a no-brainer, as JoJo did her best to show everyone how she fights with her heart, ya know? And she's just gotta be her, Staten Island all the way baby. That was my best JoJo impression, but Britney surely knocked that out of the guacamole with her own of JoJo's "I knows". Britney may be a mediocre coach but her diary rooms are pure gold.

We also got a visit from Dr. Will this week. Confession time: I've never seen a second of either of Dr. Will's seasons. I know, I know, I can't be a super fan without seeing the man who mastered this game, but I'm doing my best, you know? I'm too busy fighting my heart out. But really, I'll get around to BB2 and BBAS eventually.

From his totally unbiased opinion, he predicted good things for Boogie and ripped on Mr. Kermit Seacrest Dan for being blinded by boobies, Britney for letting her players get violent and Janie for... well, he didn't have much bad to say about her. She did enough trash talking on herself this week, between calling herself a lazy bitch and commenting on her large boobs, which apparently weigh more than "emancipated" Shane's head.

Now that Shane truly has been emancipated from the shackles of his position last week, what should he do? He's probably not going after Boogie's team or Danielle, so smart money says he puts up Wil and Joe. It'll be fun to see Team Janelle squirm a little bit!

How will this new "America's Vote" influence the game? If a coach turns down the shot to enter, will they stay or will they leave their players behind? Or will they even get a choice of deciding, with all the power going to "America". Will this eliminate Coaches Challenges from the game? Speaking of which, if Britney wins the CC this week, she has nobody to save with Shane as HoH, so can she solely hand out Have Nots? Or will she not be allowed to play? Or can she steal a player from another team? So many questions, but JoJo is still answering the first one with all of her heart.

Time for fake goodbyes! Hate me or love me, see ya'll next week and thanks for reading, you know?

Winner Prediction: Sticking with Frank Eudy
Next Evicted Prediction: Wil "Jennifer Anus-ton" Heuser (The Soup reference)

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Shane Meaney (and JoJo for the hot mess factor)
Original Airdate: 7/26/2012

No Live Feed reports this week! But it should be mentioned that Willie Hantz was arrested today for drunk driving. He's totally Jack Shepherding right now. Soon he'll be sporting a big ol' beard and yelling to JoJo "We have to go back!" And Kara will be Claire with a squirrel baby. The end.

TV Review: True Blood 5x07: "In The Beginning"

ML- In a night filled with flashbacks and callbacks to beloved characters from True Blood past, we were treated to the dramatic unveiling of Lilith, the vampire equivalent of Adam & Eve, who spouted from a drop of blood like a cross between the bad Terminator in T2 and a naked Aphrodite.

Her arrival was preceded by a V-induced mass-draining by Russell, Salome, Nora, Bill, Eric, Steve Newlin and the rest of the Authority members at a private party, which they hilariously crashed as Russell joined in singing "You Light Up My Life" onstage. Not many actors are able to handle the ridiculous twists and turns True Blood throws at them, but Denis O'Hare is always game and always delivers.

They got to that point when Roman's true betrayer was revealed to be, obviously, Salome. She then forced everyone to drink the blood of Lilith, which Eric believed would have no effect on a vampire. He was quite wrong, and joined in on the macabre draining. After seeing Lilith risen with his own eyes, Godric also appeared to him to tell him what he was doing was wrong and not to follow in Nora's footsteps. It's always great to see Eric and Godric interact, as the latter is the only one who really can reduce Eric to a vulnerable position.

The rest of the episode featured more plot lines than a full afternoon's worth of soap operas. Among them:

-Alcide trained with his #2 (read: wrestled a bit then started making out) until Martha interrupted them to complain about his upcoming battle with JD. She refused to believe he was on V, but later came around when JD offered some to young Emma.

-Lafayette confronted Don Bartolo, who strapped him to a bed, sewed his mouth shut and threatened to kill him, only to be stabbed himself by his creepy captive baby mama. Does this mean he'll stop being plagued by visits from Jesusito?

-Speaking of Jesus, we got to see a glimpse of Kevin Alejandro himself in Arlene's wedding video, which way too much time was spent on. I kept expecting to see a glimpse of something dark or foreshadowing, but there was nothing. I'm also unsure what purpose Holly serves in the story anymore. This show could easily trim a quarter of the characters in a bloodbath and still function fine, if not better.

-Terry and Patrick were taunted by the ifrit and expressed remorse over what they did. Terry threatened to shoot himself in the head, but Pat talked him down. This storyline really isn't doing much for me. I miss Terry as the random, Creed-from-The Office character who got a line or two every episode as comic relief.

-Andy visited former Sheriff Deerborne, who was a sight for sore eyes and provided some good laughs with his spiel about his experimental male enhancement ointment.

-Sam proved to be an expert detective by using his shifter sense to track down the Obama masks, then again smelling one of the shooters in the hospital. He also had a great scene with Sookie about how tired he is trying to change people's minds about things they don't understand. He reminded me of Batman in these scenes; the hero Bon Temps needs, but doesn't deserve. In this metaphor, I guess Tommy would be his Rachel and Luna his Commissioner Gordon, as she is all recovering in a hospital bed?

-Hoyt found acceptance with his hate group and joined them once they found out Junior had been killed by the crossbow last week. It may be all the coverage of the Colorado shootings I've seen this weekend, but this storyline has me uneasy.

-Speaking of uneasiness, Jessica was draining some guy when Jason showed up in need of a talk, and once he tasted the blood on her lips, the two became violent. She pushed him away and he shot her in the head, which had no effect on her, as it wasn't wooden. That was a very blunt example of domestic violence that she show glazed over, and I hope they come back to. If Jason is going to shoot a woman in the head, vampire or not, there should be consequences.

-Jason's troubles came from his talk with Sookie about their parents, as he explained he always felt guilty for their deaths, but now that Sookie actually had reason to feel responsible, he wouldn't let her go through that. What a good brother. Just a bad boyfriend.

-Sookie got her luminescence checked by the faeries, who detected that because she's only half faerie, she'd eventually run out of her powers and be normal. This was music to Sookie's ears, who, after flashing back to a mini-supercut of people like Bill and Mary Ann asking her "what are you?", began shooting blasts from her microwave fingers into the sky like lightening.

-In probably my favorite scene other than Russell's karaoke, Ruby Jean entered Fangtasia to find her vampire daughter dancing on the pole. She disowned her as a daughter, as a minister's wife can't have a vampire for a child. Tara hid her pain but showed it with Pam, who is, in effect, her new mother. When they hugged, it was a great moment for both Pam and Tara. Kristen Bauer von Stratten is really having a great season.

So what is that, 12 storylines? Most shows have an A, B and C story. Here we have A-L, most of which are completely unrelated. Thinking back to seasons 1 and 2, things were more structured, focused and connected. Some of them are working for me (Anything Pam/Tara, Russell, Jason/Jess) but many others aren't (Terry, Alcide, the Authority, even Lafayette). With Alan Ball departing after this season, I hope future executive producers can condense some stories, bring characters back together against common enemies and, if need be, provide some shocking exits for those who are expendable.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Denis O'Hare
Original Airdate: 7/22/2012

Movie Review: Ted

The following article may contain spoilers. Reader discretion advised. 


ML- It seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV, but where are those good, old-fashioned values on which we used to rely? Luckily, there's Ted, the R-rated comedy by Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane that utilizes many of the shows's signature quirks, with varying degrees of success. The movie is built upon the classic coming-of-age story that has found great success with audiences as of late (most recently, the spectacular Toy Story 3), and decorated with pot smoking and fart jokes and pop culture references galore. It targets all aspects of a guy's personality, but in doing so, loses much of its charm.


We open in 1985 Boston, where lonely young John Bennett uses his Christmas wish to grant life to his new stuffed bear, Ted. Ted (voiced by MacFarlane, who uses the same voice as Guy's Peter Griffin, something the movie makes note of) becomes an overnight celebrity, but remains friends with John (Mark Wahlberg) into adulthood.


The two do what any guys in their early 20s do- smoke, drink and watch Flash Gordon reruns. The only problem is that John isn't 20, he's 35, and his immature ways start becoming too much for his perfect girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis) to handle. John must kick Ted out, putting him in danger of a creepy super fan (Giovanni Rivisi) who has been obsessed with the bear since he, too, was a boy.


The film suffers from being too formulaic: the cliched narrator is annoying and unfunny, the characters fit the roles of every guy-oriented romantic comedy of the last ten years. Joel McHale does his best as the skeezey, spoiled boss, but he can't make the part special because there's nothing there to enhance. Rivisi nails the creepiness as he sways his hips to Debbie Gibson alone in his living room, but there could have been much more development into his psychosis. 


I don't mean to be too critical, because the movie is funny. Unfortunately, the funniest scenes were all in the trailers, so those who watched them over and over again in anticipation may have been disappointed in the theater. Some of the best bits included a topical jab at box-office rival Katy Perry, flashbacks to John and Lori's first encounter, and cameos by Norah Jones, Sam Jones (no relation), Ted Danson and Ryan Reynolds. These moments weren't enough, though, to carry the weight of the rest of the film.


Wahlberg creates a believable character, the guy who just needs to grow up and realize he's got the catch right in front of him, but his performance is nothing revolutionary. That being said, most of his scenes consist of acting against an inanimate bear, and he managed to nail that chemistry. Kunis plays her part, too, one that left me with one major gripe at the end of the film: how come a young boy needs it to be a Christmas miracle to get a bear to come to life, and all Mila Kunis has to do is bat her overly-made up eyes and the shooting stars give her just as much precedence? Seems unfair and contrived to me!


Ultimately, I ask myself: How different is this movie from the rest of the stoner rom-coms, aside from the talking bear? Cast Seth Rogen as the loser friend and I feel like I've already seen that movie three or four times before. The premise of a man dealing with adulthood by abandoning his maladaptive childhood vices through the use of actual toy bear character is clever, no doubt, but the movie fails to take full advantage of the unique idea and instead settles into the safe, established confines of the genre. MacFarlane relied too strongly on the good, old-fashioned values of moviemaking  to create something extraordinary. Mike's Grade: B.