TV Review: New Girl 2x04: Neighbors

DA- Who wants to start an Arcade Fire? It’s a TGIF marathon on New Girl tonight, well for Jess at least. But in the end thank god it was Tuesday because we got another consistently funny New Girl episode to discuss.

Instead of working on her resume to get a new job, Jess instead has been “practicing” dropping things as Steve Urkel from Family Matters. This saddens Schmidt. He liked the old Jess. You know the one that was inspiring and did not work at Casserole Shanty. However after a group of “hipster” millennials move in across the hall, Schmidt wishes both types of Jess stay away as he proves he is still the cooler one of the group.

One of the reasons why Schmidt wants to prove he still has it is because the guys call him old. Although he says he is going to live forever. At least that is what his $49.95 real lifetime expectancy service says. Even though Schmidt will be alive for robot sex, according to the site Winston only has a few years left to live!

After an awkward evening hanging with the youngins it looks like Jess wins.  She is similar to them and is still figuring her life out while Schmidt on the other hand is a like a lame parent who ruins a movie like Top Gun. At first it looks like Jess may lose it all when she spills popcorn but thankfully with the help of a famous Urkel line they have never heard of she wins them over. While I find this hard to believe (I am their same age and could understand all the TGIF references) we still feel happy for Jess because it is nice to see her get along and casser-roll.

Meanwhile Nick decides to start pranking Schmidt to make him think he is getting older. He shaves down his shoes a 1/8 of an inch, makes Schmidt’s pants longer, pretends he is deaf, and switches his fiber pills to make him constipated. He also goes above and beyond by taking a picture of the wall where Schmidt keeps track of his height shrinks it down and plasters the reduction back up.

Sound like a lot? Well Nick has been up since five for this new goal. Someone has to do it because his partner in crime Winston can never find the prank sweet spot. He either goes too far or too little. Then again maybe Nick is wrong. He wants to sprinkle the shoe shavings by Schmidt’s car outside to really mess with him. What do you think? Sounds crazy and prank-like to me.

Despite the signs, Schmidt will not admit that he is growing old and uncool so he decides to ask visor-wearing Jess for help. Unfortunately he didn’t listen to a word of her advice. From wearing a scarf and t-shirt combo and performing parkour, he is considered the opposite of cool (which I guess would be hot). However again here is where the kids are wrong. Schmidt can perform all the parkour he wants in my apartment (but if he ruins Top Gun that is where I draw the line).

But after realizing these are not the people to impress, Jess comes clean about her impressions and how she cannot hang out with them anymore. They try to get her back only for them to realize she is friends with the old cranky man from the stairs (Nick).

Meanwhile Schmidt still cannot understand why Jess gave up again but she explains to him that she did not give up teaching but she got fired. He understands but begs her to not give up teaching even if it is only a smile class (which I would get a straight A in if offered at Ithaca). In other Schmidt revelations, he learns that the kids do not hate him because he is old but because he is an “asshead” with a terrible personality. This excites him. He cannot change his age but his personality, that’s fixable! (Don’t change for them Schmidt. They do not even know if a dish dryer exists or not!)

In Winston C-story news, Winston runs in to a meeting at work and begs to have a new job. His wish is granted and he becomes a producer of a sports talk show…at 2:35 AM! In other words he will have about the same number of viewers Dual Redundancy had on ICTV! ZING!

But that is all for this week. As Stephanie Tanner would say (and later have her quote stolen by Jess) “how rude!” But don’t get mad at me. I will be back casser-rolling next week recapping another funny episode of New Girl. Until then watch out for people pranking you by hitting you with a ski. (Winston, I’m watching for you!)

Episode Grade: B+

Episode MVP: Schmidt (Max Greenfield) for parkouring in a scarf like only a grown man could.

Original Airdate: 10/9/12

TV Review: New Girl 2x03: Fluffer

DA- The night starts off with a worried Jess waking up Nick in the middle of the night. What is she worried about? A demon under her bed? A break-in at the apartment? No she is just worried about talking after her casual sex with her new boy toy. She needs some advice from Nick since her first idea was to leave him with crayons and paper as she checks her non-existent fantasy football team. While Nick may not be ready for this episode to start and wants to go back to bed, I’m ready to check my stats so let’s go!

The guys all decide to go on a date with Jess to show her that she can talk with a guy and still have casual sex with him. They do this because it is their duty as friends to help their friends have meaningless sex. Of course Nick is the only one to show up at the restaurant. Schmidt is across town trying to meet his idol Kanye West. He brought along Winston (since he is black) and his Kanye-like whale belt in hopes of being Kanye’s last call of the night.

Jess and Nick still decide to have their date and to help loosen them up Jess snuck some wine in a thermos. Hopefully this never gets swapped with a kid at school (if she can get her job back) or some definite sitcom hijinks will ensue. Schmidt meanwhile cannot get in with his belt on. (Is it just me or do fashion “codes” at clubs and bars never make any sense. So just because it is after nine on Friday I can’t wear shorts in but any other time or day I can?) However next time I get turned away I may bust out Schmidt’s new lie of being Mitt Romney’s kid, Tad.

Inside the club Cece cannot believe anyone is mistaking Schmidt as a Romney. Winston as his security rushes her away when girls begin hitting on now Tad Tuggb Romney (there is a silent b and two g’s, for the correct spelling you are going to have to ask Tuggb). Meanwhile after Jess leaves the date when her boy texts her, Nick begins to feel like an emotional “fluffer.” He is just there to fill the boyfriend role without any of the rewards. When Nick brings this up to Jess she asks if he wants the rewards anyways. Instead of coming out and saying his true feelings, which we know, are there, he says only “sleeping Nick” has thought about that and that’s different. Nick says she needs her to have sex but Jess schedules a date to prove him wrong.

Unfortunately before Tuggb can seal the deal he begins to slip up about his father and family including all the times he drinks with his Mormon dad and how he is not in any Romney family photos (someone had to take the photo!) He comes home and spills to Cece why he liked believing Romney was his dad (Schmidt’s dad left him when he was 8). Cece tells him you have to forgive your dad because not everyone is a presidential candidate. She hugs him into her memory foam-like chest perhaps re-sparking their relationship flame in the process.

On Jess’ date she comes right out and asks him if friends can build someone a dresser (like Nick refused to do) without being in a relationship. He said he would maybe do it for the make a wish foundation or if they were married. By building furniture that implies you will share it someday together. Despite learning this and that Adele is another big no-no, Jess comes back to the apartment where Nick is building the dresser anyways. He is tired of people telling him what to do and he can build anything that he wants. The only condition for him is that he does not go on anymore pre-sex dates. While she agrees I have a feeling this will not be the last pre-sex date between Jess and Nick. The only difference will be how the date ends and whom Jess decides to “build a dresser with” if you catch my drift.

Eww. Not like that. You all disgust me. Tuggb Romney out! 

Episode Grade: B+

Episode MVP: Jake Johnson

Original Airdate: 10/2/12

TV Review: New Girl 2x02: Katie

DA- In tonight’s second episode Jess is still free from “boob jail” and her job. She is happily cleaning and painting “abstract” portraits of the guys. In hopes of stopping Jess Nick brings her down to the bar to socialize and drink. Here she meets Andy and Bearclaw, (the latter of which is played by Broadway-star Josh Gad). Like in the episode before, Jess loves to role-play and becomes Katie after a handsome stranger looks for her as his online soul mate at the bar.

While it was easy to pretend to be Ivy this new falsehood creates a string of lies for Jess. Katie is a dancer who does something with puppets. (No really. I am not forgetting the actual term. Jess who is Katie cannot even remember!) This even forces Nick and Schmidt to pretend to be powerful dancers and leapers. (Sorry Nick but I do not think you are ready for So You Think You Can Dance but I heard Dancing with the Stars is calling). However the biggest lie she does tell is probably having seen Creed a painful 42 times (just a few shy of her new boy). Can you even imagine a lie bigger than that?!

However Jess must have forgotten she asked Nick to give her number to Andy moments before. At least she meant Andy but Nick thought she meant Bearclaw. As she texts “Andy” to come over to cook dinner and to see her “meatbar” (an auto-correct fail) she has no idea that Bearclaw is on his way to show her his claws and back tat.

After some awkward emotions and situations Jess lies to save her from hurting Bearclaws’ feelings. She says he is sick and that even Bearclaw’s anal thermometer will not help her. However all of Jess’ men meet when Katie’s handsome stranger arrives and wants to make out with Jess inside the men’s room stall of the bar. Despite all these sitcom shenanigans and situations, the handsome stranger decides to keep spending time with Jess as her and not as Katie. He says he does not “care anything about [her]…or [her] caring about [him].” He just wants to be “torn apart.” She says yes and jumps into his Prince Charming-like arms.

Meanwhile in a side story that does not really finish Winston’s family visits and Schmidt tries to impress Winston’s sister to bring her on a date. Winston’s mom hates it and tries to get him to stop or she will not pay for his cell phone bill. Schmidt then decides to take the sister on in a game of one-on-one basketball with painful results. Back at the bar Nick meets a future version of himself who is really just a drunk patron who knows quite a bit about Nick and his relationship with Jess. He does offer present Nick some important advice and tells him to be ready to apologize to Jess over something bad he is going to do to her. What will this be and when did this show become How I Met Your Mother? We have the flashbacks but we need some flash-forwards now for the complete transformation. As long as we do not get a flash sideways I’ll be yelling with Jack that we have to go back – to New Girl each and every week.

Episode Grade: B+

Episode MVP: Nick and dramatic leaping ability

Original Airdate: 9/25/12

TV Review: New Girl 2x01: Re-Launch

DA- Who’s that girl? It’s Jess! The new girl is back (which I guess makes her the old girl at this point) with two new episodes last night. Since there is so much to talk about without further ado…

As soon as the first episode begins Jess probably wished she never came back. Not only did she get laid off from her job due to cut backs, she had to scratch Schmidt’s “undercarriage” due to old and scratchy groin cask. On the bright side though she did get to take a lost and found item out of the box so there’s that.

Schmidt begins to plan his rebranding event after the cask is finally removed (mostly to tell women he can have sex again). Jess begs him to let her be a shot girl for the party but even with her boobs free from “boob jail” Nick says she does not have that level of sexiness. While Jess may not have that level, Ivy (Jess’ new alter ego who is studying to be an actress) may.

At the event “Ivy” tries her best to win over the crowd while at the same time Schmidt and Winston tries to convince Nick to make his girly fruity drinks from college to loosen up the girls for the party. Nick agrees but Schmidt has moved on as soon as he sees Cece walk in with a new boyfriend. He realizes he needs to step up his game and show how dangerous he can be. After some fire stunts and nearly burning down the bar many of the partygoers leave. While Cece stays behind he says they would never work out anymore anyways. They are too similar and while he is “dangerous” her new boy Robbie is just a simple and good guy.

However back to Jess she realizes she is not a shot girl and unable to shake her “plywood ass.” Nick tells her that she does not need to be and that she can just be herself. He explains that life gets better and then sucks moments later. That is just what happens to everyone and she just needs to accept it. Unlike Schmidt she has no reason to rebrand herself. She will always be the “adorkable” Jess to us.

Episode Grade: B

Episode MVP: Schmidt

Original Airdate: 9/25/12