TV Review: Survivor 25x04: Swan Prince or Ugly Duckling?

ML- Returning players risk a lot when they sign up for Survivor a second time. Jenna Morasca won season 6 and agreed to return for All-Stars despite her mom being sick with cancer (She ultimately quit and made it home in time to say goodbye before her mom passed). Those blessed with golden edits their first time around like J.T. and James open themselves up to be portrayed in completely different lights; as bumbling idiots and sore losers.

I think the worst thing to happen to a returning player is to be disappointed by an early elimination. Did anybody really enjoy the first half of All-Stars, as Tina, Rudy, Rob C, Jenna M, Hatch, Colby, Ethan and Jerri ALL went home pre-merge, while the likes of Alicia, Jenna L, Shi-Ann, Amber, Lex and Big Tom took the top spots? Same goes for Fairplay and Yau-Man in Micronesia, and Cirie and Tom in Heroes vs. Villains. Going home early is a hit to your confidence, as if maybe the first appearance was the fluke and this is your true measure as a player.

For Russell Swan, however, he doesn't even get that comparison. His first outing he failed on the physical level. This time he failed again, even worse, on the social and mental level. He wasn't by any means "All-Star" worthy to come back to play, and a second shot at the title affirmed he is just another mediocre competitor. His post show interviews have been painful to read and listed to -- the man clearly loved the game, he just had no understanding of his position in it or, most unfortunately, how to play it well.

Granted, he wasn't blessed with the most skilled competitors, but I'd choose Denise and Malcolm over any of the other blokes (minus Penner) any day. Tribes like Koror in Palau have been stacked with misfits and gone on to dominate under proper leadership. As much as he wants to be, Russell Swan is no leader. He was the ugly duckling of Survivor hoping to finally get his break, and this wasn't it.

Denise and Malcolm are in trouble. If the tribes stay the same, eventually they'll have to compete head-to-head in a fire building challenge for who gets to stay. If there is a tribe dissolve, they'll be separated without an idol and left to fend for themselves against the former six Tandang or Kalabal members. Chances are that they'll have some trouble fitting in.

The challenge was incredibly close, and one of the best finishes the show has had in a while. Many things about the episode were great; I mostly loved the wordless opening of Matsing members seated in the rain just trying to cope with their existence. Once upon a time, this was a show about real people taken out of their element and most of the episodes focused on camp life and cultural discrepancies. Today, everyone has either played before or is a D-list celebrity or aspiring model/actor and the episodes highlight the drama and cut out the "reality". Hearing Russell's story to Denise about punching someone as a kid was almost awkward for today's Survivor, but would have fit in nicely in season 1. As much as I love strategy, this was a welcome escape.

Tandang is full of strategy. Pete has surpassed my expectations and become the troublemaker of the tribe. He's got Abi-Maria, Artis and possibly Lisa under his wing and has successfully framed RC as a liar. RC is too dumb to suspect foul play and fails to adapt to the changing dynamics of the tribe. Abi-Maria is not your friend or ally, RC. The sooner you get that through your brain and figure out where the true power lies the better chance you have at avoiding elimination.

Kalabal has some strategic rumblings as well, mostly on the part of Jeff and Penner. The Hidden Immunity Idol-bearing Veteran and the wounded baseball legend have teamed up along with the most invisible player in recent memory, Carter, to form a boys club. Dana, Dawson and Katie are rightly suspicious and formed their own posse. It'll be interesting to see what happens if Denise or Malcolm is absorbed into this tribe and if the gender battle continues.

So which tribe is better positioned now? It'll be hard to pick a better twosome than Malcolm/Denise for challenges, but it makes more sense that there will be a dissolve. Honestly, whichever tribe acquires Malcolm will probably be the one to succeed. With tribes even again, there's nowhere to hide your weak players, so the manpower will prevail in the increasingly physical challenges of recent seasons. Shame, because I, like Russell, am willing to write over a check to Denise in the off chance she makes the finale.

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: The Editors, for including the slo-mo shot and the nostalgic scenes
Original Airdate: 10/10/2012

TV Review: Survivor 25x03: The Four-Finger Plan

ML- Big props to Malcolm this week, who was able to put the good of the tribe as a whole (and himself in the long run) ahead of his sexual desires and boot out Angie. It was no surprise to the audience watching that Angie was going, especially after her opening confessional where she boasted "each and every one of my tribe mates trusts me and I trust them". Yeah, okay. If I ever went on Survivor, I'd be in a Jamie Newton-level constant state of paranoia, never telling the camera I was confident about anything so they could never use it against me in the edit.

Pete emerged as a threat tonight as he formed a tentative alliance between himself, Abi-Maria, Artis and Lisa, alienating RC and his eventual threat, Skupin. Abi-Maria is in the best place of everyone on that tribe, having positioned herself into 2 alliances and holding the Hidden Immunity Idol she found about thanks to RC's clue. Unfortunately for her, she's in a Natalie Bolton-level constant state of batshit craziness. I don't see her or Peter, who now reminds me of Gregg Carey in Palau, taking this all the way to the end.

On Kalabal, Penner was still on the outs. I have to praise him for managing to say the phrase My Ass!, though, while mentioning how his aforementioned body part was hurting from the shelter. When Jeff and Dana noticed the bull emblem was gone, they alerted the tribe that he probably had a hidden immunity idol. Jeff was respectful, not angry, noting how Penner as a returning player was playing smarter than everyone else.

When Penner later approached Jeff, it was a good move for the veteran to try and gain favor, but unfortunately his new "alliance" didn't feel the same way. A four-fingered shake, as it seems, is not a real binding handshake because men need to use all 5 fingers to shake for real. The logistics behind this baffle me and I can only come to the conclusion that Jeff is an idiot.

Matsing continued their bad-luck streak by losing their boat, as well as the Immunity challenge and accompanying rewards. Momentum is probably the most important factor in Survivor, as it affects morale and contestants' mindsets in unbelievable ways. Matsing is in deep trouble, even without Angie to keep the average IQ down.

It's hard to pick a favorite to win in the game right now. Statistically, it doesn't make sense to put money on any of the Matsing members. Kalabal just isn't getting the screentime or story lines they need to signify a late-game surge. Tandang gets a lot of strategy, so the best winner bet probably comes from here. Is it Pete? Skupin? RC? Abi? Lisa? Definitely not Artis.

My money is still on Denise, despite the odds. She kept Malcolm in line, dominated the challenge and keeps me interested in her as a player despite her negative attractiveness. She needs to stop mentioning her practice and the money she makes back home, however, or else people will never give her the vote based on lack of need.

Episode Grade: C+
Episode MVP: Abi-Maria and Pete
Original Airdate: 10/03/2012

TV Review: Survivor 25x02: Booty Blinded By Booby Traps

ML-

Roxxxxxxxanne
You don't have to call out the showmance
Subtly sew distrust,
It'll be more effective than freaking out at Tribal Council and alienating everyone by speaking in tongues

Okay, I may have botched that song a little bit, but I haven't had a lot of water today... so...

Matsing (aka Tribe 1 for either arbitrary or spoilery reasons), fell apart even further this week as a showmance splintered trust and nobody stepped up to lead in the challenge. Worst of all, the tribe doesn't even have cookies.

The tragic thing is, Roxy was completely right about Malcolm and Angie. A pair, especially an athletic relationship, is either the most dangerous or the most vulnerable position in the game. In a tribe of 5, everyone needed to unite against Malcolm/Angie, which was never going to happen thanks to my winner pick, Sex Therapist Denise. I assume she saw Malcolm and Angie as potential clients and the subjects of her next book, Love in the Wild: How to Survive Being Backstabbed By Sea Snakes and Get Crabs Out Of Your Buff. She also astutely pointed out that, despite Malcolm being her main ally, being the odd-person out in a threesome is what the sex therapists refer to as the worst. But the timing wasn't right to betray her only ally, so Roxy had to go.

Roxy's pre-challenge behavior was elimination-worthy on its own. After a terrible rainstorm, Roxy began speaking in tongues and praising the lord like Jameka from Big Brother 8. Nothing against her religion, but speaking in tongues can be a red flag that someone's head may not be 100% in the game of Survivor. Take Dr. Denise, for example. She says that anything that gets her to the end of the game will be of her own doing, not God's or anyone elses.

Over on Tandang, Lisa further distanced herself from her tribemates by sitting alone at the well and crying, which has made the majority alliance go from 4 to 5 with Artis now included. If Tandang loses, Lisa is in trouble, unless she can pull some type of Holly Hoffman maneuver and turn her sorrows into strength. Meanwhile, Abi-Maria and RC Became the most dysfunctional alliance since Russell & Parvati. All RC wanted was to trust Abi-Maria with her idol clue, but Abi-Maria was so threatened by RC's bond with Skupin that she threatened to kill her if ever betrayed. Healthy stuff right there. Abi-Maria is a little too crazy for this game, but makes good TV and I'd love to see her blindsided!

At Kalabal, Jonathan used his brain and figured out the clue meant the idol was under the nose of the bull pendant wedged in their welcome basket. Now he's got an idol, which he'll probably have to use at his first tribal considering we haven't seen any other strategizing by him yet. He better keep those glasses on, because he'll need another hidden immunity idol after this one gets used.

Tribal Council was entertaining with all the bitchy back-and-forth between Roxanne and Angie, whose cookie comment wasn't as dumb as Probst made it out to be. Malcolm's "little sister" comment about Angie was, however, pretty dumb, unless it's comparable to Kat and her cousin from last season.

In the end, two dangerous pairs remained in the game with Malcolm smack dab in the middle of both. I had high hopes for Roxy but she quickly fell into paranoid craziness way too soon. If there's any indication that God isn't invested in Survivor, her ousting from the Matsing tribe is all the proof I need.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Denise
Original Airdate: 09/26/2012

TV Review: Survivor Philippines 25x01: Go With the Game

(R to L: Malcolm, Angie, Russell, Roxanne, Zane, Denise, Mike, RC, Artis Lisa, Peter, Abi-Maria, Jeff, Katie, Penner, Dawson, Carter, Dana)

ML- You take the good
You take the bad
You take them all
And what do you have?
Survivor: Philippines!

The granddaddy of all reality is back, chocked full of good and bad in the 90-minute premiere that I wasn't excited for until I heard Jeff's prologue at the beginning of the episode. This was a summer of Big Brother submersion, and Survivor just wasn't on my radar, but I was pleasantly surprised with the premiere, specifically the cast. For this first week, let's look at the castaways, and see what past contestants they remind me of to get an idea of how they may fare:

TANDANG: (Yellow Tribe)
Mike Skupin: Mike is basically Mike Skupin 2.0 with a hint of Boo Bernis from Survivor Fiji- the guy who kept getting hurt over and over. He has definitely aged (is his speaking voice odd for anyone else? His mouth moves in a weird way), but I remember being such a huge fan of him while he was on Australia, so that "star" factor is still in play. His new "Go With the Game" mantra will probably be the title of his next book.

Abi-Maria: The Brazillian flirt is very Sugar from Heroes v. Villains with her sexuality and personality. Peter seemed interested, but to the audience it came off as very desperate. She's going to have to show some better understanding of the game to translate that sexuality into a Brenda or even Parvati ranking.

Artis: Pretty nonexistent but physically strong black guy. Ibrehem from Palau? Definitely not as ripped, though. We'll have to see more from him to get a better sense of his character.

RC: She's the Parvati of the group. Sexy (a few of my guy friends messaged me to tell me they wanted her to be their winner pick, based on her "strategies", I assume), but also a firm grasp on the game and a good rapport with the camera. I see her going far with the alliance she was quick to form.

Lisa: The celebrity factor of Ashley Massaro with the personality of Tracy from Fans v. Favorites. Isolating herself will not be good, but with Skupin having her back she may be able to outlast Artis.

Peter: Young, athletic and already noticing the hot girl, he reminds me of Alex from Amazon or Keith from South Pacific. He's in the alliance, good for him, but we didn't get any insight from him, so I doubt he'll be taking the money home.

TANDANG FORECAST: Strategically they're well off for now, physically they stand to be unstoppable if they do cut Lisa at their first TC. I'm thinking the winner could come from this tribe, but my actual winner pick isn't wearing yellow.

KALABAL (Red Tribe)

Jonathan Penner: Same old Penner we know and love. I like how humbled he is by getting to play the game again. Great TV and definitely a class act, he's one in a million and I'd love to see him take this game. Unfortunately, he's going to need that Immunity Idol he's so desperately looking for if he wants to survive in his tribe.

Dana: Petite and spunky, definite Courtney Yates from China/HvV vibes from her. She doesn't want to see Penner or any third timer for that matter take the crown.

Dawson: Her last name, not her first name, which puts her in the leagues of Cochran and Penner automatically! Kidding of course, but her ability to spot Jeff Kent makes her the Danni of the season, just as she spotted Gary Hogeboom in Guatemala. It'll take a lot of expert maneuvering to match Danni, though.

Carter: Didn't make a peep but was young and buff, basically the Samoa Brett of the episode.

Katie: Already forgot who she was. She doesn't like Penner's shadiness, so an unmemorable person from a Penner season is the infamous Mary of Micronesia.

Jeff Kent: The Gary Hogeboom/Jimmy Johnson/Brendan Synnott of the season. Hiding something big from the rest of the castaways is always a thorn in your side, and soon people will figure out he's not a motorcycle salesman like he claims. With his messed-up knee, too, I don't see him making endgame.

KALABAL FORECAST: The only thing they're unified on is taking out Jonathan. Jeff and Dana are a pair to watch, but once Dawson opens her mouth, who knows what will happen. I don't think the winner will come from here, either.

MATSING (Blue Tribe)

Russell Swan: Obviously, same old Russell. Wasn't the best leader of Galu, not the best leader of Matsing. His "reign" will definitely be short lived. Bossing people around will get old, and Malcolm proved he has the survival skills to provide for the tribe.

Angie: Former Miss Kentucky, former track star, definite threat with her alliance with Malcolm. She's like a personable Amanda, aside from the fact she's bad at puzzles, and I can see her making some big moves if given the opportunity. She wanted to switch things up already by day 3!

Zane: Poor, poor Zane. He was like Brandon Hantz with his creepiness and Chicken with his ability to self-destruct himself out of the game without even trying. His bold move was a stupid one, as was his making alliances with everyone. Production probably saw him as the next Hantz, but he holds the rare honor of actually being dumber than a Hantz. His 5-1 elimination was his own damn fault, despite Russell's best efforts to dig his own grave.

Roxanne: Really, really liked her. Obvious Francesca vibes as being an un-"crazy" black woman on this show, but her military background and physical prowess should hopefully send her further into the game like Alicia.

Malcolm: Ozzy but with strategy. Ladies are going to love him, guys are going to love him. Fan favorite material already I think. Could he win? Absolutely, he's got a keen eye. But he's not my pick. That honor goes to...

Denise: The sex therapist did a great job of summing everyone up with ease. She aligned with Malcolm, another strong player. To me, she is an older Sophie, eloquent and intelligent with a good grasp on the game and human interaction. She may not be the most obvious or conventional pick, and she didn't necessarily get the best edit, but I think she's absolutely the one to watch going forward, for me at least.

MATSING FORECAST: They need to cut Russell loose, stat. Getting rid of Zane was okay because he really did screw up his part of the challenge, but Russell is toxic in camp as well. The other four need to bond together as a cohesive unit to stand a chance against the other tribes, especially once the inevitable "dissolve" twist comes into effect.

Overall, I like the premiere because we got to get to know more people than the 5 that have been beaten over our heads in every CBS preview. The cast seems like a good crop for the most part, and the returning players don't have humongous egos like Ozzy, Coach, Rob or Russell Hantz.

Winenr Pick: Denise
Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Malcolm
Original Airdate: 09/19/2012