TV Review: True Blood 5x09: "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

ML- We got some closure to a few of the more irritating storylines of the season tonight, but the speed with which they were all resolved felt pretty rushed.

Hopefully, we will never hear the words "ifrit" or "Obama" on this show again.

Let's go story by story to see what worked and what didn't:

WHAT WORKED

1. Terry, Arlene & Patrick: No more ifrit business! Terry told Arlene he would find Patrick and challenge him to a fair fight. She begged him to think about her, Mikey and the kids, and he said (in very Han Solo-esque fashion) that they're the only reason he's fighting at all.

Patrick snuck up on Arlene and put a gun to her head as she entered Merlottes. When Terry arrived, Patrick ordered him to put down his weapon and get on his knees or else Arlene would pay the price. Terry did so. Turns out Patrick has a pregnant wife who he promised he'd return home to. In a fury he throws Arlene to the side, giving her time to grab something sharp and stab him in the back, potentially hitting an artery.

Terry gets the gun and hesitates. He doesn't want to kill Patrick. The woman he murdered appears, however, and tells him to do what must be done. Without missing a beat he fires two quick shots at Patrick's head. She is satisfied- blood has been repaid with blood- and the ifrit shows itself to eat up Patrick's body.

This worked mostly because of the fine acting by Carrie Preston and Scott Foley, and, well, because it ended a dumb storyline in a satisfying way.

2. Sookie and "The Dragon": Again this worked because it spells the end for the masked Obama klansmen. Sookie started off searching for information on Warlow with Lafayette (who had some great lines tonight, like not being "gmail for dead bitches"). This lead her to Bud Deerborne, who confirmed her parents may have been killed by vampires. Sookie tried reading him for more info, but couldn't get anymore, especially after she was hit in the head by a large woman in a pink dress, the same big fat woman Sam smelled while they rescued Jessica.

The woman, Sweetie Desartes, is Bud's lover, a square-dancing champion and, contrary to Andy and Jason's suspicions the real Dragon (aka lead Klansman). She captured Hoyt and Sookie and wants to rid the world of all supes. Her idea: supes have sent this country to the pigs, so feed the supes to the pigs.

I suppose we should include the Andy/Jason and Sam/Luna stories here. Actually, this is the closest True Blood has come to an overwhelming A-story in quite some time.

Luna wanted REVENGEE for the people who shot at her and her daughter, so she and Sam shifted themselves as flies on the wall after a brief fight that ended in unsuspecting "I love yous" from both sides. It was a well-done way of getting that across without it seeming cheesy.

They eavesdropped on Jason and Andy, who examined the Obama vandals' videos on keepamericahuman.com and noticed the boots of one of the guys matched those given to Bud Deerborne back when he retired. Sam and Luna took off first.

When Sweetie released the pigs on an unconscious Sookie and Hoyt, she didn't expect for one to be Sam, who proceeded to kick some Obama ass, Eastern Promises-style (Read: totally naked). By the time Andy and Jason arrived, Sam had disarmed all but Bud, who was poised to hurl a shovel at him. Andy warned him to put it down, but when Bud exclaimed "Humans Rule!", Andy shot him down. It was sad to see Bud go, but he obviously had turned into a character so far from his old self that it was a necessary loss.

Luna chased down Sweetie and gave her some good punches. I never got too attached to Luna, probably because she's not from the original few seasons and I never expect newer additions to survive too long. After tonight, though, I'm a little more sold on her and her story. When she and Sam were able to finally have some peace, it was a relief.

3. Pam & Tara: These two had plenty of bitchy one-liners to add to their running count. At the end, when a vamp plopped himself in Eric's throne and fed on a human, Pam tried to kick him out. He revealed himself as newly appointed Sheriff under a repealed ban on feeding on humans passed by the Authority. This new story isn't immediately frustrating, so I'm excited to see where it goes.

4. Russell, Steve & The Werewolves: It's fun to see Russell grooming Steve as his new Talbot, and the scene at the end where he gave out his blood and stole young Emma from Martha solidified him as one of the great villains in True Blood history. I half expected him to kill Emma, since she was in dog form and that'd be a lot easier on the audience than to kill her in human form. But instead, he's giving her to Steve as a pet. Even J.D. wasn't too happy about this.


WHAT DIDNT WORK

5. Bill/Salome, Eric/Nora: I'm just over this story. Skaarsgard and Moyer are doing fantastic jobs but the interest level is not there. Bill is a traitor now with some mad religious ideals brought upon by Salome's trippy blood, and Eric is the one holding to the moral right. This ethical role-reversal isn't worth the amount of weird religious and political head-beating we go through every week. I don't care about mainstreaming or Sanguinistas. Like Pam, there are two things I stay away from: humans who eat a lot of fish and politics.

To recap anyway, Eric tried getting the tech-savvy girl to break them out, but she needs Salome's blood to open the door out. Eric tries getting Bill to take it from her, which leads to Bill's hallucinogenic sex with Salome/Sookie/Lilith. Eric approaches Nora and plays that he's on her side, but injects her with some silver to knock her out long enough for them to escape. Bill arrives, but not with the blood he promised, with the authority. Eric, the viking who never surrenders, surrenders. And we're back to square one.

6. Alcide: Alcide flashes back to when he first joined the pack, when his packmaster father gave a speech about man and beast to young Alcide and young Debbie Pelt, who looked a lot like Miley Cyrus. Young Alcide joined the pack (duh).

Today's abjured Alcide returned to his father's trailer. The once inspirational man now lies in bed and bets his disability check on the races. Alcide says he's nothing like his old man, but the old man isn't so sure.

In a fairly tight episode story-wise, the Alcide digression just felt out of place. I know it's setting something up for later, but I've had enough Were business to last me two more seasons.

Episode Grade: B+
Episode MVP: Alexander Skaarsgard
Original Airdate: 08/05/2012

TV Review: True Blood 5x08: "Somebody That I Used to Know"

ML- It all hit me while watching Sunday's episode- Sookie is like Harry Potter. Oftentimes, she's more unlikable than the people around her. She was orphaned as a baby. Now, we find out she has a weird psychic connection to the dark being, Warlow, that murdered her parents, just like Harry had with Voldemort. I think Charlaine Harris (author of the Sookie Stackhouse novels) and J.K. Rowling should have a challenge similar to that of the were's tonight: hunt down and kill whoever wrote those Twilight books.

Things started falling into place for me this episode, at long last. Seeing as how there are so many storylines that these reviews become so unstructured anyways, I'm going to start dividing them into two categories: Things I Liked, Things I Didn't.

Things I Liked:
-Lafayette moving on from Jesus, though jarring how drastically he changed within the episode, was necessary. We need sassy Lafayette back, and he brought it, waving his hands around and doing his medium thing. Hopefully "smoke a blunt bidness" becomes a saying, somewhere.

-Terry and Patrick having to kill each other. It was good to see Arlene and Holly's plan to hold a fake seance backfire, and this leads to some interesting developments. Will killing Patrick really be a good thing for poor, damaged Terry? I could see him giving his life to let his friend live. Or, he kills him, and starts going down a darker path.

-Luna as Sam. I don't understand the logistics of the swap (what shifter in her family did Luna kill to become a Skinwalker?) but it's always fun to see these actors change up their characters, and Trammell did a great job. I'm not sure if I'm ready for Luna to die, though. Hasn't Sam been through enough tragedy? He and Tara should get back together and wallow in their misery.

-Speaking of Tara, I liked her stance against the snob from high school, and loved Pam's handling of her. Line of the night: Pam's angry face and happy face are the same.

-Hoyt and Jessica. I wasn't expecting her to end up in that house, but I knew Hoyt wouldn't hurt her, even though he hates her. Her honesty about falling out of love was a good moment, and hopefully will give Hoyt some closure.

-Eric's handling of Nora and her new stance on Godric was well done. It's always good to see glimpses of Godric and the loyalty Eric truly can show.

-Bill's flashbacks to visiting his ailing daughter, as she begged to be made young like he was. We left the flashback without learning for sure if he turned her or not.

-The fact that the vampire that killed Mr. and Mrs. Stackhouse wasn't Bill or Eric.

-The plan to begin bombing Tru Blood factories. When you start a vendetta against the title of your show, it's either going to be very exciting or a brilliant metaphor for a show running itself into the ground. We'll see how they handle it!

Things I Didn't Like:
-The were stuff is still really annoying, but as long as the actor playing Alcide is willing to get completely in the buff every episode, I have a feeling he'll keep getting big storylines.

-Did Jason know who Warlow was? He had a knowing expression after she said the name, but it wasn't addressed after.

Most everything hit its mark for me this week, but perhaps the mark has just been lowered after 7 weeks of mediocre-to-good episodes. This is the first in the "A" range, and hopefully, a sign of things to come.

Episode Grade: A-
Episode MVP: Sam Trammell
Original Airdate: 7/29/2012

TV Review: True Blood 5x07: "In The Beginning"

ML- In a night filled with flashbacks and callbacks to beloved characters from True Blood past, we were treated to the dramatic unveiling of Lilith, the vampire equivalent of Adam & Eve, who spouted from a drop of blood like a cross between the bad Terminator in T2 and a naked Aphrodite.

Her arrival was preceded by a V-induced mass-draining by Russell, Salome, Nora, Bill, Eric, Steve Newlin and the rest of the Authority members at a private party, which they hilariously crashed as Russell joined in singing "You Light Up My Life" onstage. Not many actors are able to handle the ridiculous twists and turns True Blood throws at them, but Denis O'Hare is always game and always delivers.

They got to that point when Roman's true betrayer was revealed to be, obviously, Salome. She then forced everyone to drink the blood of Lilith, which Eric believed would have no effect on a vampire. He was quite wrong, and joined in on the macabre draining. After seeing Lilith risen with his own eyes, Godric also appeared to him to tell him what he was doing was wrong and not to follow in Nora's footsteps. It's always great to see Eric and Godric interact, as the latter is the only one who really can reduce Eric to a vulnerable position.

The rest of the episode featured more plot lines than a full afternoon's worth of soap operas. Among them:

-Alcide trained with his #2 (read: wrestled a bit then started making out) until Martha interrupted them to complain about his upcoming battle with JD. She refused to believe he was on V, but later came around when JD offered some to young Emma.

-Lafayette confronted Don Bartolo, who strapped him to a bed, sewed his mouth shut and threatened to kill him, only to be stabbed himself by his creepy captive baby mama. Does this mean he'll stop being plagued by visits from Jesusito?

-Speaking of Jesus, we got to see a glimpse of Kevin Alejandro himself in Arlene's wedding video, which way too much time was spent on. I kept expecting to see a glimpse of something dark or foreshadowing, but there was nothing. I'm also unsure what purpose Holly serves in the story anymore. This show could easily trim a quarter of the characters in a bloodbath and still function fine, if not better.

-Terry and Patrick were taunted by the ifrit and expressed remorse over what they did. Terry threatened to shoot himself in the head, but Pat talked him down. This storyline really isn't doing much for me. I miss Terry as the random, Creed-from-The Office character who got a line or two every episode as comic relief.

-Andy visited former Sheriff Deerborne, who was a sight for sore eyes and provided some good laughs with his spiel about his experimental male enhancement ointment.

-Sam proved to be an expert detective by using his shifter sense to track down the Obama masks, then again smelling one of the shooters in the hospital. He also had a great scene with Sookie about how tired he is trying to change people's minds about things they don't understand. He reminded me of Batman in these scenes; the hero Bon Temps needs, but doesn't deserve. In this metaphor, I guess Tommy would be his Rachel and Luna his Commissioner Gordon, as she is all recovering in a hospital bed?

-Hoyt found acceptance with his hate group and joined them once they found out Junior had been killed by the crossbow last week. It may be all the coverage of the Colorado shootings I've seen this weekend, but this storyline has me uneasy.

-Speaking of uneasiness, Jessica was draining some guy when Jason showed up in need of a talk, and once he tasted the blood on her lips, the two became violent. She pushed him away and he shot her in the head, which had no effect on her, as it wasn't wooden. That was a very blunt example of domestic violence that she show glazed over, and I hope they come back to. If Jason is going to shoot a woman in the head, vampire or not, there should be consequences.

-Jason's troubles came from his talk with Sookie about their parents, as he explained he always felt guilty for their deaths, but now that Sookie actually had reason to feel responsible, he wouldn't let her go through that. What a good brother. Just a bad boyfriend.

-Sookie got her luminescence checked by the faeries, who detected that because she's only half faerie, she'd eventually run out of her powers and be normal. This was music to Sookie's ears, who, after flashing back to a mini-supercut of people like Bill and Mary Ann asking her "what are you?", began shooting blasts from her microwave fingers into the sky like lightening.

-In probably my favorite scene other than Russell's karaoke, Ruby Jean entered Fangtasia to find her vampire daughter dancing on the pole. She disowned her as a daughter, as a minister's wife can't have a vampire for a child. Tara hid her pain but showed it with Pam, who is, in effect, her new mother. When they hugged, it was a great moment for both Pam and Tara. Kristen Bauer von Stratten is really having a great season.

So what is that, 12 storylines? Most shows have an A, B and C story. Here we have A-L, most of which are completely unrelated. Thinking back to seasons 1 and 2, things were more structured, focused and connected. Some of them are working for me (Anything Pam/Tara, Russell, Jason/Jess) but many others aren't (Terry, Alcide, the Authority, even Lafayette). With Alan Ball departing after this season, I hope future executive producers can condense some stories, bring characters back together against common enemies and, if need be, provide some shocking exits for those who are expendable.

Episode Grade: B
Episode MVP: Denis O'Hare
Original Airdate: 7/22/2012

TV Review: True Blood 5x06: "Hopeless"

The following article may contain plot spoilers. Reader discretion advised.


ML- Tonight's episode was titled "Hopeless", which describes the state of many of the characters at this halfway point of the season. This week's review will rank their story lines from most hopeless to actually looking up... for now.

Roman and the Authority: Obviously, Roman got the short end of the stake tonight as Russell Edgington managed to break free and gain some street cred back. I'm surprised Chris Meloni only lasted through 5 episodes given the intense press storm that preceded his arrival, and disappointed that he never got much to do except walk around one set piece and spout religiously/politically-charged dialogue. It's obvious Salome was the traitor now, yes?

Terry and Arlene: After getting chased by the Lost-rip-off smoke monster (I believe he actually referred to it as a smoke monster tonight) and hopping out of Patrick's moving car, Terry told Arlene he had to leave her and the kids behind or else trouble would come their way. I genuinely like them together so I hope (and expect that) things will work out once the ifrit business is dealt with. Can Sookie's microwave hands defeat smoke monsters, too?

Hoyt: You know it's a messed-up episode when getting drained by a strange vamp to the point of barely being able to walk is the third-least hopeless thing that happens to someone. Not only that, he got  denied by Jess again, who he claimed loved him despite her cruel words, and by the way she reacted I think he was right. Why can't these damn kids just get over their baggage and have fun! Now Hoyt is in the midst of the Obama Supe Killers, who use have a history with him as they saved him. Will Hoyt join their cause or report back to the vamps his findings?

Eric: Sure, he and Bill successfully captured Russell, but his sister Nora has shown her true colors as a Lilith-worshipping extremist, swaying around in her prison cell. Eric doesn't believe in anything other than himself, as Roman pointed out, but is he making the correct assessment, or is there something to the whole Lilith religion?

Lafayette: His trip to visit Ruby Jean resulted in him realizing that he must confront Don Bartolo, Jesus' creepy shaman grandpa, in order to find closure with Jesus' spirit. That can't end will for LaLa, who will undoubtedly cuss and bitch his way through dealing with all that supernatural shit all over again. Ruby Jean, however, was undoubtedly hopeful today, mentioning the "elestrisity" running through her body.

Sookie and Jason: Jason led Sookie to the faerie nightclub, which looks like what I expect Lady Gaga's living room to look like. There they discovered their parents were in fact killed by a vampire the night of the flood because he/she was drawn to young Sookie's blood on a band-aid left behind in the backseat. This obviously isn't something Sookie or Jason wants to hear, but it sends them on a path towards getting revenge. As Jason told his dad in a dream, he swears to take down the vamp responsible. You can't be completely hopeless when you have a plan, right?

Sam and Andy: Sam and Luna were rushed to the ER while Emma escaped to Martha's house. Both Sam and Luna were fine for the time being, and Sam set out to find the humans responsible for this "hate crime" while Luna allowed Martha to care for her granddaughter while Luna healed. Sam enlisted Andy in hitting up the gun shop of vamp-hating extremists, and while Andy asked the cashier some questions, Sam smelled the cashier get frightened and shot him with a crossbow before he could fire a bullet at Andy, but not before he disclosed that thousands of wooden bullets had already been sold.

Alcide: He was first glamoured by Eric into not remembering the events at the asylum, but retained many of the memories and all of them with Sookie's help. He recalled there being wolves amped up on V during the fight, so he returned to take the position as pack master, which he earned after killing Marcus. The current pack master referred him to the law which stated he had to choose a second and both would battle against him. A woman from the group stepped up, setting the stage for a power struggle that could make Alcide the top dog in the wolf pack.

Overall, I'd say this was a weaker episode of the season, but Russell's liberation definitely sets the stage for good times up ahead, as does the information about the Stackhouse deaths.

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Denis O'Hare
Original Airdate: 7/15/2012

TV Review: True Blood 5x04: "Let's Boot and Rally"

Warning: The following post may contain spoilers. Reader discretion advised.

ML- It's funny: for most of last season, my biggest complaint was that the writers of True Blood seemed lost in all of the stories they were trying to tell with their ridiculously massive cast of characters. Now, as the show's footing is getting steadier once again, the writers actually do get Lost, by adding a freaking smoke monster to their supernatural cache.

Technically, its an ifrit, a beast probably familiar to Final Fantasy players, but both the visual and sound effects totally copied off of the Man in Black's smokey state. If anyone had "ifrit" on their supernatural bingo card, congrats. Have a shot of peach schnapps.

The episode began with Alcide about to get some fairy tail as he and Sookie made their way to the bedroom. I'm sure the Magic Mike team is quite happy Joe Manganiello continues to take his shirt off here, as it can only help their business. Unfortunately for Alcide, Sookie made like the episode title suggested and "booted", probably because she's as sick of her sexcapades as the audience. As if that weren't enough to end sexy time, Bill and Eric appeared at the door looking to recruit Sook in their mission.

Sookie and her men set out to find Russell Edgington, who, from the glimpses she got in her mind-reading of bumbling Doug, looked a lot like Voldemort in the King's Cross scene of the last Harry Potter movie (which, side note, HBO labels as "Harry Potter 8". The nerve.) She also discovers that a female Authority member was seen uncovering him. Bill is quick to accuse Nora, Eric's "sister"/lover, but since we have learned that Bill is rarely right about anything ever on this show, it seems more likely that Salome is the vamp responsible. That's going to be awkward when Roman finds out.

The mystery gang then makes their way to an abandoned asylum, and Sookie refuses to stay outside, on the grounds of feminism, basic horror movie logic and having to "pee something fierce". Paquin is way more enjoyable when she's playing a drunk, which means Sook needs to hit up Merlottes more this season. Also, don't you think Sookie should get her own Medium-style spin-off where she tracks bad guys using mind-reading and microwave fingers?

Doug lives up to the horror trope of scaredy fat guy and bolts before the going gets tough, leading them to a room full of captive people Russell plans on draining. When they finally confront the big man himself, he's in much better shape than his bloody Voldemort-self, but still looks weak. How a weak but ancient vampire compares to Bill or Eric, I'm not sure, but I doubt he's going to go down without a fight. I also doubt Denis O'Hare, who salvaged the train wreck that was season 3, is going to disappoint here.

Getting back to the ifrit at hand, Terry and Patrick are held at gunpoint by their crazed friend, who asks "Did anything follow you here?" This immediately reminded me of Lost season 1, when Rousseau held Sayid captive, but little did I expect things to get all smokey up in that bitch. Flashbacks revealed that after their shootout in Iraq, a dying Muslim woman that Patrick ordered Terry to kill cursed them with the ifrit, which rose up from the pile of bodies as it burned. If anyone is looking to be a dead body extra, this sure is the show for you, as long as you don't mind rats or gasoline.

Meanwhile, Jason had a trippy dream in which he was a kid again rocking a He-Man onesie and his parents were still alive. Things turned weird fast, as blood began spurting out into their breakfast cereal and his mother offered him a blow job, because he deals with his problems by using sex. Really, true Blood, we're getting incestuous? Leave that to Game of Thrones... and Boardwalk Empire... and Bored to Death...

When he woke he was butt naked, as was Andy, and neither remembered getting blinded by the light by the fairy bouncers the night before. (True Blood spin-off idea 2: Andy and Jason have Hangover-style adventures!) They meet up at the crime scene of Sam's dead shifter friends and Jason lets Andy know his lady friend was a fairy, to which Andy responded with the line of the night, "I don't care if those ladies are fairies or leprechauns or fuckin' ewoks!" They notice the shooter(s) used wooden bullets, a sign that they're targeting supernaturals in particular.

It seems like Jason is regressing back to his season 1 attitude towards vampires, now convinced that they had a hand in the death of his parents. As frustrating as this can be to watch it makes sense- people don't really lose their prejudices, they just get better at keeping them to themselves. It also fits with the episode's theme of pondering whether people really change (funny enough, that was also Weeds' theme tonight, which I will be reviewing right after this.)

The theme was handled with Tara, who has gone from the show's biggest problem to its freshest storyline. She looked damn good bar tending at Fangtasia under Pam's orders, and commented on how she's basically a slave now. "The more things change, the more they stay the same", she laments. Given her history with joining creepy cult movements, I can see her becoming a Sanguinista in the coming weeks.

Tara is just the type of tragic character that Alan Ball excels at creating- someone so unhappy that she just wanted to die, who must now live forever. I'm still not sure if this makes me genuinely like Tara after all these years of her sucking the fun out of everything, but she's in a good place now.

Her scene bonding with Jessica was my favorite of the night, mainly because Deborah Ann Woll is a hidden gem and deserves to be a crazy successful movie star. She brings real chemistry in their conversation, something Paquin and Wesley were never able to find together. Jess gives her the "it gets better" speech and offers for them to be "girlfriends". She advises her that the urges she's feeling may seem wrong, but really, they're awesome.

As much as I loved this scene, it represents my biggest problem with True Blood as of late- the preachy, thinly-veiled analogies for all of the issues going on in the world. It's always been metaphorical, since the first title sequence where "God Hates Fangs" was displayed, but as of late Ball and co. have really been laying it on thick. Not only do we have the vampire/gay connection, but we also have the whole Sanguinista/fundamentalist Christian gimmick that I've found myself rolling my eyes at. People don't watch True Blood for the social, political and religious commentary, they watch it to see sex and violence and Anna Paquin's gap tooth. Just toning it down a hair would really do the show some good.

Things between Tara and Jessica fell apart fast once Jess discovered Tara and Hoyt going at it in the bathroom stall next to her. Hoyt tells Tara that "people change", but she doesn't buy it. Just cause he's got eyeliner on doesn't mean he's changed. Tara, however, is changed fundamentally, because she's no longer a "people". This sad fact doesn't bode well for Roman and his posse fighting for equality.

It doesn't look too good for Sam, as his attempts to reconcile with Luna were foiled by shapeshifter haters in Obama masks (again, more subtle political commentary) who shoot down Sam and Luna and nearly get her daughter, too. I'm sure Sam will be fine, but Luna took one to the gut, so I'd say the prognosis is negative for her.

Lastly, Lafayette tried to deal with his literal inner demon by smashing religious figurines and praying to Jesus (not the Catholic one, the dead gay Mexican one). All that did was give him and Tara's mom equally creeped-out dreams of a beheaded, mouth-bound Jesus wobbling around in distress. What does this mean? Lord knows.

Grade: B+
MVP: Deborah Ann Woll
Original Air-date: 7/8/12