TV Review: Survivor 25x05: Everybody Loves an Underdog

ML- The Matsing tribe is no more! Malcolm and Denise were randomly absorbed into Tandang and Kalabal, respectively, but not before Malcolm discovered the Hidden Immunity Idol on the Matsing beach. He and the Tandangs cruised to victory while Kalabal struggled in the challenge due to Katie's ineffectiveness. In the end, it was dirty girl Dawson who got sent packing from the dwindling girl alliance. She may have given Jeff Probst a hug and a kiss, but she went out without ever revealing the dirt on Jeff Kent.

The MVP of the episode was definitely Malcolm, who found the idol as well as acceptance on his new tribe from everyone, including poor bullied RC and naive Pete, who divulged his own idol to Malcolm. He's in a great place and is a major threat to go deep into the end, and could ride his wave of favorability to a win.

The LVP, if thats a thing, belongs to Dana. Having never been on the island playing Survivor, its easy for me to say there would be no conditions that could take me out of the game. However, her severe pains and chills weren't alleviated in the pounding rain, and the tiny country tomboy opted out of continuing, even though the doctors gave her a go-ahead. Not only did she screw over herself, she ruined things for Katie and Dawson on Kalabal. If the red tribe loses again, Katie is in some hot water.

That's all for this week. Kalabal is so divided that it made for a less-than-interesting Tribal. I'm hoping Tandang heads to TV soon so the Abi-RC battle thats been brewing can come to a head.

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Malcolm
Original Airdate: 10/17/2012

TV Review: How I Met Your Mother 8x02: "The Pre-Nup"

DA- After last week’s solid season opener the HIMYM gang created a small crack in our relationship with a so-so episode about autumn breakups. After skipping past the “summer of love” I wish we could have fast-forward just a little bit more to a juicier story or set of adventures.

This week Arthur Hobbs played by Bob Odenkirk convinces Barney to do a pre-nup before marrying Quinn because he may end up like him and god forbid have full custody of their kids! While Barney isn’t too interested with his possible real life kids he wants to make sure Ann, Sarah, and Molly stay with him for years to come (that is what he named Quinn’s lady parts). In case you are wondering, which I am sure you all were, Marshall calls Lily’s Snap, Crackle, and Pop. As for what I call my manhood…well that is a subject for another post.

In this pre-nup there are “suggestions” for their marriage so Barney stays interested in Quinn. These include paying him $2000 for every pound she gains and her responsibility of creating 10-12 new sexual positions a year. Even after Arthur crossed out Barney’s clauses about wives two through eight, Quinn was still very angry with Barney. However these problems did not stick with their relationship alone. Before all the couples went to bed the guys tell their respected girl that Barney had a point to want to change certain aspects of their relationship and that they wish they could. The girls in unison all ask “like what?” In a perfect yet cheesy act out we are told one of the four three couples will break up but which one will it be…

All the couples had their recent problems to fight about this week. Lily is freaked out that Marshall is too rough with Marvin but that is how he grew up. Robin is turned on and distracted by herself on television when fooling around with Nick. However Victoria is angry with Ted for going back on his word for letting her ex-fiancé live naked in their apartment with his pet ferrets. Let me repeat this so you can understand her complaint. Victoria’s naked ex-fiancé that she just left at the altar is living with them in the same apartment and Ted wants him out. Hopefully you can tell whose side I am on for this one.

However Quinn is not going to go down without a fight. She has a pre-nup for Barney too which includes a shock collar on Barney’s “snap, crackle, and pop” (if you catch my drift) and full custody of his suits. (She is just going to sit around and watch them go out of style).

The rest of the gang comes to support their same gender friend. They all fight but Saul Goodman as always comes to the rescue! Arthur tells them to say their true feelings because fighting for who has the power in the relationship is nothing to fight for when you are in love.

In no big surprise it is Quinn and Barney in the end that decide to put their relationship to rest because of trust issues. But again that should not be any surprise or shock to us. It was going to end sometime this season. We just saw last week that Robin and Barney are the ones that will end up together (without any need for a pre-nup I may add). Now that this all out in the open perhaps we can start on Barney’s last relationship before the big marriage. As long as the show does not stall even more with another Nora or Quinn before he ends up with Robin I’ll be happy and living a TV season of love.

Episode Grade: B-

Episode MVP: Thomas Lennon (for letting his ferrets all hang out as Klaus)

Original Airdate: 10/1/12

TV Review: Weeds 8x05: "Red in Tooth and Nail"

ML- We got plenty of tastes of freaky relationships tonight, so this review will be in the form of an advice column to the characters:

Nancy & The Rabbi: We found out the creeper staring down at Nancy last week was the same Rabbi guy who met with Andy in the hospital. Coincidence? I think not. Nancy, you've ruined the lives of dozens of men (literal figure), but this is the first that really has me worried for you. Sure, he got you to dispose of all your golden parachute weed from Kiku, and has been spreading his cleansing message to all the Botwins he comes in contact with, but I still wouldn't trust him. That being said, he'll be the guy who Nancy finally forms a loving bond with and they live happily ever after.

Andy and SUGAR FROM SURVIVOR COMPLETELY NAKED: I'm not sure if Sugar's character had a name, but she definitely had a smokin' bod as she rolled around the rink. Andy pulled out some Charlie-Kaufman-in-Adaptation-level philosophy on his evolution and karma in regards to women always stripping down for him. Sugar said it's because he's always talking about the women in his life and never himself, and because her girlfriend was out of town, and because she had no more Law & Order on her DVR. Andy, you work best when you're trying to impress a girl, not fending the crazies off. Go see what Alanis Morisette is up to, perhaps she's forgiven you and can make a guest appearance before the show ends!

Jill and Doug: Ew. The void Jill couldn't fill with big savings from extreme couponing was apparently filled by Doug, a horrible decision by all accounts. Yes, she may have gotten Revenge on Andy (capitalization intentional, as Jennifer Jason Leigh will be playing Emily Thorne's mother on Revenge next season), but at what cost?

Shane and Angela: Double dates are only okay when they're with people your own age. Going to his boss' house and listening to him drunkenly complain about things, in a scene so derivative of SNL's "Drunk Uncle" Weekend Update Sketch that I almost expected Seth Myers to pop out and be smarmy, is not romantic. It worked out, though, when Angela made a move on the balcony. The end justified the means here, Lil' Botwin.

Silas and RJ: This came out of nowhere- one minute they're bonding growing weed, the next RJ is trying to get Silas to go down on him, spouting some business about how it will help him express his manliness. Then RJ freaked out and stole all of the product, on account of him being off of his meds? The whole thing was too weird and didn't add up to the rest of the episode. I hope this isn't completely abandoned next week.

Celia and Dean: Just kidding, they're not back on the show. But wouldn't that be great?

Episode Review: B-
Episode MVP: Justin Kirk
Original Airdate: 7/29/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x06: Big Three Fall Hard

ML- It doesn't take long to go from hero to zero in the BB house, as Team Britney became well aware of this week. After losing Willie Hantz to his own self-destructive ego, and the subsequent HoH win by surviving nominee Frank, Shane, JoJo and Britney were right to be shaking in their giant tortilla costumes. But, as we saw last week, you're not out in Big Brother until you walk out that front door- and even then, sometimes you move back in.

It was clear who Frank would target, but the producers did their best to add some mystery by showing Boogie's scheme of backdooring Shane rather than putting him up upfront. That wasn't a bad plan, but had he been chosen for Veto and won and saved JoJo, Frank would be getting even more blood on his hands than was necessary this week.

JoJo pleaded her case as a loyal player, basically saying she was willing to abandon all of her previous alliances and join him. Swearing on her grandmother's life wasn't enough to convince Frank, who indeed nominated the remaining Team Brit members Shane and JoJo for eviction.

Britney did her best to coach them in the right direction, but I absolutely would not want to be in her position right now. Picking some of the stronger players totally backfired on her way too fast, and Willie quitting (and the producers not ending Frank's HoH reign right there, as they did to Michele when Chima quit in BB11, I believe) has screwed Shane and JoJo over even more. Sure, they should reintegrate, decrease game talk and be friendly, but in the end, the other contestants are going to do what's best for their games, not keep who they like better.

Boogie made another great suggestion to Frank this week: nurture relationships with Shane and JoJo. One of them at least will definitely be playing for next HoH, so you want to do as much damage control as possible. I think Frank and Boogie make a good team and really hope Frank can keep straight talking' his way through the game.

Danielle wanted to be chosen for PoV really badly, so of course the BB gods denied her and instead Ian, Ashley and Wil joined the others for a date at the Big Brother Cantina. The competition involved digging through thick, margarita-themed liquid for menu items to match them to a main menu, all while wearing a giant tortilla chip costume. Once you placed all of your menus in what you thought was the correct order, ring your bell to lock in your time. Whoever had the most right in the fastest time won the PoV.

The challenge made for entertaining TV, as Wil and Frank took plenty of tumbles and Ashley proved she's either dumber than the fish in the fish tank or working a smart strategic plan of playing dumb. Based on her challenge strategy (creating meaningless mnemonics of menu item first letters) and list of qualities in a good man ("likes to eat food" stood out for me), I'd say its the former.

In the end, Shane narrowly beat Ian in a real nail-biter, and Britney hugged him in the big vat of guacamole. He and Frank quickly solidified an alliance of sorts, a smart move for the short term to keep the power players off of each other's backs. He then planned to save Danielle from certain nomination by proposing to backdoor Wil and weaken Janie's team. Frank was hesitant, afraid to open that can of worms just yet.

Dan basically released Danielle from his coaching, as he saw his affiliation a kiss of death for Jodi and Kara before her. This reminded me of Eric and Pam on True Blood, except Pam is way cooler than Danielle, who cries way too much. This is actually smart for Dan- the weaker she appears, the more time she will spend in the house over the likes of JoJo, Shane, Frank, Wil, Joe and Ian. However, she's not making any friends by moping all the time.

At the Veto Ceremony, Shane did what he had to and saved himself, and Frank did what he had to and nominated Danielle. All of the three nominees were those who voted for him to leave, and therefore he made no new enemies by putting them up. He also secured a deal with Shane thanks to Boogie's nudging. I'd say his HoH week is going a lot smoother than Willie's.

Tomorrow night, either Team Britney will be down to one member or Dan will follow Danielle out of the house. And another HoH competition will shift things up once again (I hope, as this week has been too safe. Good gameplay, bad TV). 

Episode Grade: B-

Episode MVPs: Frank Eudy & Shane Meaney

Original Airdate: 7/25/2012

LIVE FEED SPOILERS AHEAD!

Nothing major to report after last week's craziness. It looks as though JoJo will be departing tomorrow night without putting up much of a fight, thanks to Britney coaching her to lay low. Ashley has made lots of alliances with lots of people and it seems like most of them trust her. Could backfire later, but for now she's in a good position. If Shane wins HoH he wants to target Wil and Joe from Team Janelle.

TV Review: Weeds 8x04: "Only Judy Can Judge"

Warning: This article contains plot spoilers and some language suitable for only those mature enough to be watching Weeds. Reader discretion advised.

ML- For once, Doug's storyline really hammered home the episode's theme, and also what has been lacking in this home stretch to the Weeds finale: Different day, same shit.

Doug was shocked to find a heaping pile of it on his daily newspaper, and he immediately blamed his neighbor's prized pooch. When it happens again, it spurs a war in which Doug spray-paints the dog, the neighbor calls the police, Doug outsmarts them, and the neighbor sends a bag of feces right onto the table during Nancy's family dinner speech. Hey, at least it's better than a bullet!

I take this as a strong metaphor of the problem currently plaguing Weeds- much of the same old stuff is happening. Nancy is reverting to her drug kingpin, bad mom ways. Andy is back to fawning over her. Silas is doing weird stuff with his lady friends and growing weed again. Only Shane seems to be progressing in an interesting direction, which could spell trouble if he does, as RJ the headship employee warns Silas, goes wild with power and rats them all out.

But after 7 seasons, double as many locales and triple the twists and turns, the show has become like an elderly person in the slow crawl of death. Occasionally there's a spark of life, but no, the end is near. We're all hoping for a spectacular finish to, at best, a hit-or-miss series. Perhaps this is Jenji Kohan's way of letting us know that the show isn't going to stop being what it is, love it or hate it.

I lost interest quickly in Nancy's backslide into the drug game by helping Kiku get out of a jam and finding Demetri at laser-tag. Andy and Jill breaking up over him wanting to cook Nancy a meal was plain stupid. Again, I echo that Shane's advances with his girlfriend (asking her to dinner while grabbing her boob) were the only fresh parts, because we've never really seen Shane, or anyone, with a normal significant other. He really may be the only one to escape unscathed.

Mary-Louise Parker had some good stuff again this week, particularly crying after accidentally calling Stevie "Judah", which isn't even his father's name. The woman has three children from three fathers, and I think that is finally starting to dawn on her. She doesn't want to be a zombie of a mother, she wants to be better. Funny, as in scenes for next week she's tempted back into her old tricks.

Back to the metaphor at hand, the episode ends with Doug checking the surveillance tape he set up, only to find the phantom pooper was Doug himself, under the influence of Ambien. What does this imply for the characters and the show going forward? Drugs are the reason we do dumb things, or at least the same shit on different days? Or that it's these characters that are so well-defined now that there's little excitement left for the audience? The writers probably mean the former, but I'm still giving the latter some thought.

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Mary-Louise Parker
Original Airdate: 7/22/2012

TV Review: Big Brother 14x03: Kicking Yourself in the Face

The following article contains spoilers. Reader discretion advised.

ML- It's fitting that Ian wound up on Team Boogie, because both of them to this point have been kicking themselves in the face in the game. One, Ian, has literally done this in an attempt to appear fun and likable and not weird or creepy at all. The other, Boogie, has done so by making too many ties to all the wrong people.

Boogie had a "good" thing going with Dan, in the sense that they were aligned, not in the sense that they had any control over the house this week. He screwed that up when he sold Dan out to Britney and Janelle, echoing their idea of knocking out Kara in an attempt to remove Dan from the house entirely. Everybody knows Boogie's game, his strategy, and not to trust him.

Everyone except Shane, apparently, who seems to be humoring a deal with Boogs that would keep Frank in the house in order to ensure his own safety and shift the "physical threat" target to Frank.
There's a strategic merit in making a deal with an unlikable player- if by some act of Grodner that person gains power, they won't forget your loyalty. Shane isn't all (sunburned) muscles, he's got some game, too.

Team Blonde Ambition, Britney and Janelle, reveled in their handling of the other coaches and newbies alike. It's great to see them working together, as both have proven to be die-hard gamers in this house. Boogie approached Britney to sniff out whether she and Janie were working together, which Brit handled perfectly. Boogie threatened, however, that if Joe from Team Janelle wasn't nominated after the Veto was used, "the line would be drawn". Neither she nor Janelle succumbed to Boogie's meddling, and it appears their bond was strengthened because of it. Their players took a backseat this episode, something I'm sure many die-hard fans may not care for, but those watching for familiar faces loved all of the coach talk this week.

Before the PoV challenge, we saw Shane consider deals with both Frank and Kara if he were to win, so it was pretty obvious that he'd take the gold in the competition. The gold in question amounted to only $1.30, the amount of oversized change the house guests had to locate in a big, bubbly laundromat set and toss into their coin slot. JoJo, the host for this competition, said where she comes from she knows a thing or two about laundering, but I'd bet she knows more about putting things in coin slots. ZZZZIIIIIINGGG!!

It was neck-and-neck-and-neck between Frank, Shane and Willie, while Wil, Kara and Danielle quickly fell behind. It came down to a matter of seconds as Shane narrowly defeated teammate Willie for the first PoV of the season, injuring his back in the process. Of course, the teammates did a happy dance in the HoH room after the victory and weighed their options. Shane, however, was adamant about playing his own game.

He made the smart decision to keep blood off of his hands and let the chips fall as they may by not playing the Power of Veto. Now it's Frank vs. Kara (or, Boogie vs. Dan) tomorrow night as one houseguest is evicted, live. Personally, I'd like to see Frank stay, considering he was my pick in the premiere to win it all, but that inherent likability/"winningness" quality is so palpable that it will not sit with the other competitors in the house. It all comes down to who the bigger threat is: Frank or Dan.

What did you think of the episode? Whose accent attempt was better, Danielle's or JoJo's? Do you have any hidden talents that double as metaphors for your Big Brother coach's poor gameplay? Who do you want to go home this week? Hit the comments to share your opinions, ya'll!

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Shane Meaney
Original Airdate: 7/18/2012


Note: Like every other sane individual, I'll be going to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight tomorrow, and may not have the Big Brother recap post up immediately following the episode (or the Louie review, for that matter). It'll go up at some point! In the meantime, keep calm, carry on, and go see Christian Bale kick some mumbly butt.

SPOILERY LIVE FEED UPDATE SPONSORED BY FROOT LOOPS AND DIGIORNO
Basically, every cross-team alliance created thus far in the show has been nullified. Everyone on Team Janelle has now aligned with Team Boogie, forming the "Diversity" alliance. Many have also begun showing their jealousy of Janelle, including Britney, Wil and Ashley.

Britney told Willie about her suspicions of the Coaches entering the game. Afterwards, Willie called all 11 newbies in the house together to share that information and create a mob mentality against the coaches.

Willie mocked Wil's effeminate voice and mannerisms to Frank, who told people about it and, by the time it got back to Wil, the story was that he used a homophobic slur. This prompted an actual racial slur from Willie(directed towards nobody of that race), all of which came to a head when Willie and Frank had a blow-up in the backyard. Shocker!

As for who is going home, it all rests on the shoulders of the most unlikely contestant- Ashley. She's not sold on the Diversity alliance, which is targeting Kara to save Frank. Right now, if she sides with Diversity, it will be 5-3 Kara going home. If she joins with the other side (Willie offered a F3 with JoJo and Ashley), it'll force a tie, and Willie will surely send newfound enemy Frank home. As fast as things have been changing, it's anyone's guess what will happen tomorrow night.

In terms of HoH, Dan is advising his girls to throw the competition to keep targets off of their backs in this BB bloodbath. They're all expecting a quick, true/false style HoH. If that's the case, anybody can win.

TV Review: True Blood 5x06: "Hopeless"

The following article may contain plot spoilers. Reader discretion advised.


ML- Tonight's episode was titled "Hopeless", which describes the state of many of the characters at this halfway point of the season. This week's review will rank their story lines from most hopeless to actually looking up... for now.

Roman and the Authority: Obviously, Roman got the short end of the stake tonight as Russell Edgington managed to break free and gain some street cred back. I'm surprised Chris Meloni only lasted through 5 episodes given the intense press storm that preceded his arrival, and disappointed that he never got much to do except walk around one set piece and spout religiously/politically-charged dialogue. It's obvious Salome was the traitor now, yes?

Terry and Arlene: After getting chased by the Lost-rip-off smoke monster (I believe he actually referred to it as a smoke monster tonight) and hopping out of Patrick's moving car, Terry told Arlene he had to leave her and the kids behind or else trouble would come their way. I genuinely like them together so I hope (and expect that) things will work out once the ifrit business is dealt with. Can Sookie's microwave hands defeat smoke monsters, too?

Hoyt: You know it's a messed-up episode when getting drained by a strange vamp to the point of barely being able to walk is the third-least hopeless thing that happens to someone. Not only that, he got  denied by Jess again, who he claimed loved him despite her cruel words, and by the way she reacted I think he was right. Why can't these damn kids just get over their baggage and have fun! Now Hoyt is in the midst of the Obama Supe Killers, who use have a history with him as they saved him. Will Hoyt join their cause or report back to the vamps his findings?

Eric: Sure, he and Bill successfully captured Russell, but his sister Nora has shown her true colors as a Lilith-worshipping extremist, swaying around in her prison cell. Eric doesn't believe in anything other than himself, as Roman pointed out, but is he making the correct assessment, or is there something to the whole Lilith religion?

Lafayette: His trip to visit Ruby Jean resulted in him realizing that he must confront Don Bartolo, Jesus' creepy shaman grandpa, in order to find closure with Jesus' spirit. That can't end will for LaLa, who will undoubtedly cuss and bitch his way through dealing with all that supernatural shit all over again. Ruby Jean, however, was undoubtedly hopeful today, mentioning the "elestrisity" running through her body.

Sookie and Jason: Jason led Sookie to the faerie nightclub, which looks like what I expect Lady Gaga's living room to look like. There they discovered their parents were in fact killed by a vampire the night of the flood because he/she was drawn to young Sookie's blood on a band-aid left behind in the backseat. This obviously isn't something Sookie or Jason wants to hear, but it sends them on a path towards getting revenge. As Jason told his dad in a dream, he swears to take down the vamp responsible. You can't be completely hopeless when you have a plan, right?

Sam and Andy: Sam and Luna were rushed to the ER while Emma escaped to Martha's house. Both Sam and Luna were fine for the time being, and Sam set out to find the humans responsible for this "hate crime" while Luna allowed Martha to care for her granddaughter while Luna healed. Sam enlisted Andy in hitting up the gun shop of vamp-hating extremists, and while Andy asked the cashier some questions, Sam smelled the cashier get frightened and shot him with a crossbow before he could fire a bullet at Andy, but not before he disclosed that thousands of wooden bullets had already been sold.

Alcide: He was first glamoured by Eric into not remembering the events at the asylum, but retained many of the memories and all of them with Sookie's help. He recalled there being wolves amped up on V during the fight, so he returned to take the position as pack master, which he earned after killing Marcus. The current pack master referred him to the law which stated he had to choose a second and both would battle against him. A woman from the group stepped up, setting the stage for a power struggle that could make Alcide the top dog in the wolf pack.

Overall, I'd say this was a weaker episode of the season, but Russell's liberation definitely sets the stage for good times up ahead, as does the information about the Stackhouse deaths.

Episode Grade: B-
Episode MVP: Denis O'Hare
Original Airdate: 7/15/2012