by Mike Ladue
Before I say anything...
I'll stop. I don't want to stop, but I will. Because those are all the .gifs I felt like finding. Because frankly I don't even want to analyze this episode. I want to watch it again. Even though I recorded it, I'm also shelling out to buy the episode on iTunes tomorrow. It deserves money. It deserves Emmys. It deserves to be put in a time capsule along with the Lucy episode where she and Ethel ate all the chocolates. It's the Red Wedding of Survivor episodes.
In hindsight, it all makes sense. Replace Kass with Cochran and you basically have Survivor: South Pacific's merge episode. A lawyer gets bullied and takes the game into his/her own hands, alienating everyone else on his/her old tribe.
The beauty of this episode was the editing. The editors get the MVP award, because they turned a pretty basic plot point - alienated Kass jumps ship - into a tour-de-force episode.
Actually, no, the MVP award of the week has a rightful owner:
I've given Trish a lot of flack here before, but boy howdy did homegirl play that right. She sensed the cattiness between Sarah and Kass. Tony and LJ dismissed her, but she stuck to her guns and slyly drew Kass in. Brava, Trish. Bask in your glory.
Did Kass make the right move? Not really. Tasha wasn't "choosing" Sarah over Kass, she was putting Sarah on a pedestal. She appeased the swing vote. Classic Survivor.
Kass didn't want to appease. She didn't want to be "bullied", aka, not be in charge of the vote. Voting Trish or Jefra is a quick and easy way to establish solid numbers. Kass was thinking practically, while Sarah thought big. Sarah wanted LJ, Tony or Woo out. Eliminate a strong guy, a merge challenge threat. Two very different schools of thought. I touched on this a few weeks ago, and will repeat here: the Jefra vote was the theoretical right move. Jefra has an easier path to endgame now than Tony, LJ or Woo. Those guys will turn on each other out of fear and bravado. Little ol' Jefra is in for some smooth sailing.
The old Aparri obviously agreed, as they targeted Jefra in what may be the craziest Tribal Council ever, up there with Parvati and Malcolm's dual idol moves. Tony pulled out his Idol. Aparri scrambled to vote "the other one". Tony used the idol on LJ. LJ used his Idol on TONY. The first vote - JEFRA. The second vote - SARAH. Tied til the final vote -- SARAH. Solana goes wild. Aparri goes pale.
Spencer is quick to tell Kass she's not winning this game, but she's not so sure. At this point, I'd have to side with Spencer. Kass, for some odd reason, wanted to instigate the watershed vote that alienated half the remaining players, who will make up half the Jury. She could have let Sarah do that. Appease Sarah, limiting her options, and convince Spencer and Tasha to cut the cop loose a few weeks down the line. No blood on Kass' hands.
Kass wanted blood. She mentioned blood in one confessional, physical violence in another and murder in yet another. How did this woman pass the psych testing? I made a Game of Thrones reference before, but #ChaosKass, who literally used the words "usurp Sarah's throne", would fit right in with the duplicitous Lannisters, Greyjoys and Freys of Westeros. Or Petyr "Chaos is a Ladder" Baelish. (Sorry, Game of Thrones comes back Sunday and I'm hella excited.)
She made another interesting claim tonight - because Trish, Jefra and co. also saw Sarah as a threat, Kass was impressed by their smarts and wanted to join forces with them. NO, Kass! Align with the dumb people! Keep Morgan, Jeremiah and Sarah in the game as long as you can! Dumb + loyal is the best type of ally available.
But Kass made her choice, and made Survivor history in the process.
Up For Grabs -
-Fallen Comrades: Sarah got what was coming to her. Neither she nor Kass had the social dexterity to kowtow to the other's demands. I liked her before tonight, but that inherent need to call the shots is a fatal flaw if I ever saw one.
-Winner pick: I still want to pick Spencer, but mostly because of how quick he was to turn down the easy, overused portmanteau merged tribe name. Salarrion > Salarri. He's astute, but now, once again, against the ropes.
-Apparently this "new idol" was dreamed up by Tyler Perry (yes, the Tyler Perry), who told Jeff Probst the game could use an idol playable after the votes were read. So basically, that super unfair idol from Panama/Cook Islands. I hope next season we get the Jeff Foxworthy Presents: Medallion of Power 2: The Desolation of Superfan's Respect for the Show.
-While introducing the Immunity Necklace, Probst said "This is what you seek now" instead of his perennial "this is what you covet." Has coveting suddenly become too taboo for the show?
-Trish seems like an anxiety-inducing pilates instructor. Is that how pilates works? I don't know a single thing about pilates.
-Someone called Woo "Wooie", so now I'm imagining an F/X sitcom starring Woo with a catchy theme song that goes something like "Wooie Wooie Wooie Wooieeeeee…"
-Woo wore watershoes and won. Hmm.
-Idea: Survivor: 29 - Cobs vs. Robbers. Cops is self-explanatory. Robbers can either be 1. Felons, which, eh. 2. Former contestants named Rob, which, probably or 3. Former contestants who have been "robbed" in the game, like Silas/Paschal/Willard/Jenny/Michelle/Aaron/Cirie/Katie.
-Can you name a more exciting Survivor episode? Did Kass make the right move? Hit up the comments or follow @miketvladue on Twitter to join the conversation!